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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

New Partner Wet the Bed

1000 replies

NewManIssue · 15/04/2025 21:55

That’s it, basically.

I met someone about a month ago and it has been fantastic really good fun no issues at all, we’ve done absolutely loads together, met friends of each other and an adult child, and have lots of planned.

He came over yesterday afternoon because we were both off work and we went out for a walk had a few drinks. He made us some food. We had a few more drinks and we were both pretty drunk, I will admit.

The morning when I went over to give him a hug as the alarm was about to go off the bed was soaking, I presumed with sweat…no particular smell at this stage.

I left my bed open to air with a view to stripping the sheets after work, however when I went back in there the whole room reeked of urine and there was a huge stain and it has gone through my mattress topper and my mattress is still soaking wet as are the pillows.

I’ve never experienced this before, Although I know it can be something some men do when they are drunk…

I feel like it’s something I need to speak to him face-to-face about which I could probably do tomorrow when he finishes work at about 9:30pm but otherwise I’m unlikely to see him for a few days.

I feel a little awkward. I don’t want him embarrass him however surely it’s not the first time even if this is the first time with me since I’ve known him.

It’s not a dealbreaker initially, however if it’s a regular thing, it’s definitely a dealbreaker. I think I’m just gonna have to say, I had to sleep on the sofa tonight…the bed was still wet and it wasn’t sweat - which we initially assumed…

If anyone can give me any advice or have experienced this, please shout!

Bloody typical it has been going amazingly well, For the first time in my life, I’m with a man who is more keen on me than I am him (guards up still 🤣)

OP posts:
Sodthesystem · 16/04/2025 17:52

Id assume he's an alcoholic. Only ever known 4 people who have done this. All had problematic relationships with alcohol.

Humpsr · 16/04/2025 17:53

I do think leaving you to face such a mess is unbelievable.
I'm trying to think how basic respect would survive it, to be honest.

researchers3 · 16/04/2025 17:54

DurinsBane · 15/04/2025 22:10

He is probably so embarrassed. Be gentle when you talk to him about it….

He should be embarrassed! It was awful to just leave this with op to deal with.

Get a grip!

Jellybellyjiggle · 16/04/2025 17:54

Omg I've been with someone who did this. Lied about it a couple of times before admitting it (spilt drink!). He turned out to be a nasty piece of work in the end so actually I'm glad it was an early sign. He would be 50 now, I wonder if it's the same man.... 🤔😂 my advice would be get rid!

Moii · 16/04/2025 17:55

See what he says first then think your next move.

pompey38 · 16/04/2025 17:55

DurinsBane · 15/04/2025 22:10

He is probably so embarrassed. Be gentle when you talk to him about it….

😂stop it already, grown man pissed the bed, didn’t even bother to strip the bed or let her know and you want her to be gentle? 😂😂

Sodthesystem · 16/04/2025 17:55

To be honest I would expect him to ghost now.

He'd have to be a proper narcissist who thinks he has you under the thumb to keep in touch after that.

Bluedenimdoglover · 16/04/2025 17:55

This must have happened before and will happen again. Up to you whether you want to pursue this relationship. It wouldn't do for me.

Mumof3confused · 16/04/2025 17:55

I hope there’s a good explanation because there’s no way he didn’t notice.

Motheroffive999 · 16/04/2025 17:58

I have just told my husband about your fella.
He told me that a friend's wife put their finger up his bottom and he wet himself.
Just saying and thought I would mention.

Teddybear23 · 16/04/2025 17:58

I’d ask for the cost of a new mattress then once I had the money tell him it’s over.

Happyladykaren · 16/04/2025 17:58

I had boyfriend who did this he slept in his clothes and asked me to take them to launderette to wash and dry so he could go back to the pub ! He didn’t say sorry about my ruined bed

JJMama · 16/04/2025 18:01

Yeah he knows full well what he’s done, and didn’t address it. Absolutely disgusting.

I’ve been married and had a few relationships etc, and never had anyone do this in my life! The only ones I’ve heard of from others, were elderly men and ones who had a drink problem!

The whole thing is rancid but the fact he didn’t admit to it would top it off for me. He’d be gone and so would the bed…! 😷

BlueFlowers5 · 16/04/2025 18:02

Is he diabetic?

OtterInABlueTie · 16/04/2025 18:03

Motheroffive999 · 16/04/2025 17:58

I have just told my husband about your fella.
He told me that a friend's wife put their finger up his bottom and he wet himself.
Just saying and thought I would mention.

How can he be sure the two things are connected?

TryingToRecover · 16/04/2025 18:08

So he woke up covered in piss, got dressed and went home to have a shower?
Didn’t have a shower at yours?
But put clothes on his piss-covered body?
Who could bear to do such a thing 🤮
You said he didn’t drive so how did he get home?

I can’t get over just getting dressed after waking up in a pool of piss.

DaxieTaxi · 16/04/2025 18:08

Run, don’t walk….

Tistheseason17 · 16/04/2025 18:17

As long as it's not ketamine bladder...😬

Blondieb00by · 16/04/2025 18:20

lol this guy is definitely a loser.

OP - come on. This is not the first red flag. Seek therapy.

pompey38 · 16/04/2025 18:21

BlueFlowers5 · 16/04/2025 18:02

Is he diabetic?

Alcoholic more likely

NewManIssue · 16/04/2025 18:22

SquirrelMadness · 16/04/2025 17:49

I know it's easy to say from the outside but I would not want to stay with someone who left me to clean up a pee soaked bed without saying anything. Even if he's very apologetic and says it's a one off, I just find it very hard to believe he didn't realise and wouldn't want to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Also, a couple of drinks at the village pub and 3-5 pints at home is quite a lot. Having dated several alcoholics myself, I would be very nervous about dating someone who pees the bed after a night of drinking. It's a red flag and it's ok to walk away if you spot red flags, rather than waiting to see if more flags appear.

I estimated 3-5 in total as 2 in the pub then 3 or 4 bottles at home over a few hours and they’re not a pint

OP posts:
purplepie1 · 16/04/2025 18:24

Even if you give him another chance you will never be able to enjoy a night out without worrying that he will pee the bed again.

NewManIssue · 16/04/2025 18:28

Blondieb00by · 16/04/2025 18:20

lol this guy is definitely a loser.

OP - come on. This is not the first red flag. Seek therapy.

Where are the other red flags please?

OP posts:
Hotflushesandchilblains · 16/04/2025 18:29

Someone got so drunk they wet the bed and that is not a deal breaker? Jesus, we need to set the bar higher.

Hankunamatata · 16/04/2025 18:31

Id get him to pay to replace the mattress.

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