New Partner Wet the Bed

[NewManIssue]

That’s it, basically.

I met someone about a month ago and it has been fantastic really good fun no issues at all, we’ve done absolutely loads together, met friends of each other and an adult child, and have lots of planned.

He came over yesterday afternoon because we were both off work and we went out for a walk had a few drinks. He made us some food. We had a few more drinks and we were both pretty drunk, I will admit.

The morning when I went over to give him a hug as the alarm was about to go off the bed was soaking, I presumed with sweat…no particular smell at this stage.

I left my bed open to air with a view to stripping the sheets after work, however when I went back in there the whole room reeked of urine and there was a huge stain and it has gone through my mattress topper and my mattress is still soaking wet as are the pillows.

I’ve never experienced this before, Although I know it can be something some men do when they are drunk…

I feel like it’s something I need to speak to him face-to-face about which I could probably do tomorrow when he finishes work at about 9:30pm but otherwise I’m unlikely to see him for a few days.

I feel a little awkward. I don’t want him embarrass him however surely it’s not the first time even if this is the first time with me since I’ve known him.

It’s not a dealbreaker initially, however if it’s a regular thing, it’s definitely a dealbreaker. I think I’m just gonna have to say, I had to sleep on the sofa tonight…the bed was still wet and it wasn’t sweat - which we initially assumed…

If anyone can give me any advice or have experienced this, please shout!

Bloody typical it has been going amazingly well, For the first time in my life, I’m with a man who is more keen on me than I am him (guards up still 🤣)

I will be asking....that's a whole other level of deal breaker - sounding like a catch - hung drawn and quartered before I even spoke to him😆

did you actually read my post?

I briefly dated a man in my 20s who wet the bed on the first night we stayed together. We'd been to a party and we were both very drunk. He was slightly embarrassed in the morning, and said it sometimes happened when he was drunk. We dated for a couple of months and it didn't happen again, but we didn't get drunk together again in that time. We didn't have enough in common to continue seeing each other, but if I'd really liked him, I think I could have got past it. It wasn't deliberate, it's something people can't control. However, I would have made sure I never shared a bed with him (or let him sleep in a bed I owned) if he'd been drinking.

Agreed. These should be the halcyon, honeymoon days. Bed wetting is a bucket of cold piss water on romance.

Im going to give a v different perspective and personal perspective here.

My late husband had this issue now and again.

He was really embarrassed about it When it happened

Happened occasionally if he was v tired or had had too much to drink.

I hated it....but he was so perfect in absolutely every other way ....he was the love of my life.

Found out (when he was ill he divulged this info before he passed away) that his grandfather sexually abused him as a child).....so not sure if this was part of the problem or not.

He passed away when he was 39

Water sports 😂 Why did I imagine a golden shower 😂

Me too @nomas😂

Thank you for sharing, sorry for your loss. X

Decades ago when I was about 18, I was an au pair for a short time for a family in Germany. I did some child care and light housework, including making all the beds. On the first morning, the bed in the parent’s room was absolutely soaking with urine on the man’s side. I didn’t know what to do, so left that bed. The woman asked why I hadn’t made the bed, so I explained it was wet and I didn’t know what to do. She said just put clean sheets on, so I did. This happened every night. The man would soak the bed , I was expected to put clean sheets on the wet patch and they went to bed the next night. I left that job very quickly, but I have often thought of that poor woman since.

He Was prob very embarrassed.
Maybe it isn’t alcohol related, he could have a health problem.

It happened a little while ago, OP now has 22 pages of opinions yet she refuses to confront the man, this is the definition of "walking on egg shells". If you can't sit and talk about "the elephant in the room" that is bothering you with a partner you're not ready for a relationship. I'm also shocked that he didn't profusely apologise. This " liaison" has more red flags than a Commie convention.

Utter mortification, sincere apologies, reassurance this isn’t a regular occurrence, and buying you a new mattress.. then give him a second chance. Anything less and show him the door. Sounds like you know your worth OP- well done you!

It happened the night before last, and OP will raise it with him when she sees him tonight. (If I've understood correctly).

I mean I had an ex who did it once when drunk. Didn’t bother me because it wasn’t a regular thing. I had a friend who was disabled who did it a bit and he wasn’t shamed for it either. Sometimes these things happen. We are all human and we are all fallible.

It happened this morning/last night didn't it?

It happened Monday night/Tuesday morning I discovered it late yesterday evening when I posted, both of us at work today and I want to speak to him face to face which I will be doing this evening. I am not walking on anyone's eggshells. I am 55 not 15....Please RTFT

Sometimes people do it because they’re human.

friend of mine was disabled so did it a lot. He didn’t drink heavily.

I definitely know my worth - a marriage over two decades then a loser after that - I have one asshole in my knickers I don't need another!

I bet my marbles he's going to act all surprised like he "never noticed".

Absolutely. It can absolutely have a medical reason.

Water sports 🤣🤣

Holy shit

how on earth are you 100%?

disgraceful. What if he’s got prostate cancer? And this is a symptoms

you should be Ashamed of yourself talking like that about someone you have no clue about.

Yes.

it’s to do with your hormones. In our pituitary we produce a hormone which controls sodium etc and things

as a child it can take a while to just get that little hormone to work correctly. That’s why the alarms are so helpful for the children who struggle with wetting the bed.

All the people saying he could have a disability or disease - the point is that he pretended it was sweat, left without saying anything and left the OP to deal with the mess. If he has some sort of condition that means he does this sometimes then 1. He should have communicated that to OP before staying over, and 2. He will know how to clean it up (and that leaving it is not a good idea!!).

I don't believe that he didn't know. He would have been lying in a cold, wet patch, of course he would notice. I had an ex who peed the bed when he was very drunk (he was alcoholic) and he absolutely knew the moment he woke up. He was horrified and ashamed and he certainly didn't leave me to clean it up.

I know it's easy to say from the outside but I would not want to stay with someone who left me to clean up a pee soaked bed without saying anything. Even if he's very apologetic and says it's a one off, I just find it very hard to believe he didn't realise and wouldn't want to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Also, a couple of drinks at the village pub and 3-5 pints at home is quite a lot. Having dated several alcoholics myself, I would be very nervous about dating someone who pees the bed after a night of drinking. It's a red flag and it's ok to walk away if you spot red flags, rather than waiting to see if more flags appear.