New Partner Wet the Bed

[NewManIssue]

That’s it, basically.

I met someone about a month ago and it has been fantastic really good fun no issues at all, we’ve done absolutely loads together, met friends of each other and an adult child, and have lots of planned.

He came over yesterday afternoon because we were both off work and we went out for a walk had a few drinks. He made us some food. We had a few more drinks and we were both pretty drunk, I will admit.

The morning when I went over to give him a hug as the alarm was about to go off the bed was soaking, I presumed with sweat…no particular smell at this stage.

I left my bed open to air with a view to stripping the sheets after work, however when I went back in there the whole room reeked of urine and there was a huge stain and it has gone through my mattress topper and my mattress is still soaking wet as are the pillows.

I’ve never experienced this before, Although I know it can be something some men do when they are drunk…

I feel like it’s something I need to speak to him face-to-face about which I could probably do tomorrow when he finishes work at about 9:30pm but otherwise I’m unlikely to see him for a few days.

I feel a little awkward. I don’t want him embarrass him however surely it’s not the first time even if this is the first time with me since I’ve known him.

It’s not a dealbreaker initially, however if it’s a regular thing, it’s definitely a dealbreaker. I think I’m just gonna have to say, I had to sleep on the sofa tonight…the bed was still wet and it wasn’t sweat - which we initially assumed…

If anyone can give me any advice or have experienced this, please shout!

Bloody typical it has been going amazingly well, For the first time in my life, I’m with a man who is more keen on me than I am him (guards up still 🤣)

Have u never dreamed you were on the loo when in a deep sleep? I have several times as an adult

🙄

adult child… pretty sure that’s ok 🙃

Never thought I'd be on MN holding up sweet gormless junkie Spud as a shining example of decent manhood! But he's currently five times better than OP's guy:

he recognises what he's done
he takes responsibility, immediately
he strips the bed
he says he's had an accident, to host family at breakfast
he tries to get the sheets directly into the washing machine

Spud is a low bar, given the heroin addiction.
If you're five ways worse than Spud, I'm dust.

Skip the last 15 seconds if you're squeamish.

I must admit I really couldn't deal with this if it happened in my bed, but that's just me and you just need to see it through with him when you see him tonight and decide what you're going to do moving forward.
Good luck 👍

Yes. And as a student once when drunk I must have got out of bed and sat on the plastic chair by my desk and pissed in it thinking I was on the toilet. I do have a history of sleepwalking even when sober. I was 18yo, I’d have grown out of getting that drunk by my 50s. In fact I never got that drunk again. Plus if I’d actually pissed the bed I’d have realised in the morning and said something/sorted it out.

How about you when you had your dreams? Did you piss the bed or just have a dream?

He might have prostate issues which are common in men around that age , it’s not cool running off and leaving pissy sheets though .

Could it be a medical issue?? Isn’t it over 50 you need prostate checking? Typically men refrain from going to the GP bc they’re too embarrassed or just in denial about it… but it could be that! However I do think he really shouldn’t have left it! He could have just changed the bed when you were downstairs etc, or gone to work after you so he could deal with it maybe.

There are men you can safely sleep next to without waking up in a urine drenched bed. Where you wouldn't have to worry about constant washing, replacing of bedding and whether you could stay in a hotel or your friends house with him and have a few drinks. In fact I'd venture to suggest that these men are the majority. Yes, even if they're 50 plus! Who knew..?!
This is true even if they have a 'medical condition', because people with medical incontinence typically take precautions. So why, in the wide world would anybody think the OP should be putting down pads in the bed and similar, just to hang on to this particular man, who she's known a month?
I genuinely don't understand this thinking that women should jump through hoops to find a way to make relationships work with men with such huge flaws.

And makeup my spare bed 😉

He must be a good shag then if you are prepared to let him piss all over your guest room as well.

A conversation is essential.
He must acknowledge what happened.
He must apologise.
He must replace it.

He also should see a doctor as this can be a symptom of a number of conditions as men age.

And that was a lot of liquid to drink. Our bladders can only hold so much and it also gets more difficult with age.

And yes, it was a lot of alcohol.

Cutting down would be wise. For both of you.

I think OP meant for herself, so she wouldn’t be back to sleeping on the piss mattress tonight, clean sheets or not.

I feel quite sorry for the guy he will be feeling absolutely mortified if he's even aware what's happened.

Obviously feel worse for OP but see what he says & his reaction, you get a gauge on it straight away i'm sure.

He categorically knew it was urine, not sweat. Next to no chance, given his response in the morning, that this hasn't happened before. He's brazening it out OP.

I started to but luckily woke up with just a small patch of wee, but it’s surprising how far it spreads! It’s awful isn’t it! I know what you mean about the plastic chair, my dream was an armchair in a shed!🤣

FOR ME TO SLEEP IN!!! Seriously?!

I was only thinking about the first time I did this. I was tres drunk and slept at my auntie’s one New Year’s Eve. I woke up, realised what I’d done, opened the window, left the bed ajar and did a runner. I was so embarrassed. They did tell my mum (and she told me) but nothing was ever said to me.
I did it once (in my own bed) after drinking. Only the once and believe me, there were many many sessions of heavy drinking 🙄
I did do it once though, again in my own bed, when I hadn’t touched a drop.
All happened over 20 years ago. I’ve not done it since. If I did it in someone’s bed I would like to think I would just woman up and confess and make it good.
Not run away like an embarrassed 15 year old!

At least it was plastic and a sort sloping design so it all stayed in the chair and could be poured down the loo! 🙈

Yes, for me whether or not it was a deal breaker or not would depend on his reaction. I don't think it means he is a bad person but I would be miffed and wonder at an adult who is too lacking in confidence to admit to making a mistake of this kind? I would be thinking that's a bit immature.

What's the wink for then?

Posting shamelessly for an update when OP has confronted him!

Indicating I won't have to sleep on the sofa tonight. I had weekend guests so the bed linen was not ready to use last night on there.

I am not sure how this is relevant.

You have a few hours to wait it won't be until later this evening SOZ

Apparently not. The OP has (understandably) binned her pillows and mattress topper already and been told by local upholstery cleaner that the mattress is not salvageable.

So destroyed pretty much covers it. And none of it is cheap to replace. Plus what does OP sleep on while she's waiting for a new mattress?

He absolutely knows. Anyone who’s ever wet themselves knows that feeling in the morning.