Page 19 | New Partner Wet the Bed

NewManIssue · 2025-04-15T20:55:27+00:00

That’s it, basically. I met someone about a month ago and it has been fantastic really good fun no issues at all, we’ve done absolutely loads together, met friends of each other and an adult child, and have lots of planned. He came over yesterday afternoon because we were both off work and we went out for a walk had a few drinks. He made us some food. We had a few more drinks and we were both pretty drunk, I will admit. The morning when I went over to give him a hug as the alarm was about to go off the bed was soaking, I presumed with sweat…no particular smell at this stage. I left my bed open to air with a view to stripping the sheets after work, however when I went back in there the whole room reeked of urine and there was a huge stain and it has gone through my mattress topper and my mattress is still soaking wet as are the pillows. I’ve never experienced this before, Although I know it can be something some men do when they are drunk… I feel like it’s something I need to speak to him face-to-face about which I could probably do tomorrow when he finishes work at about 9:30pm but otherwise I’m unlikely to see him for a few days. I feel a little awkward. I don’t want him embarrass him however surely it’s not the first time even if this is the first time with me since I’ve known him. It’s not a dealbreaker initially, however if it’s a regular thing, it’s definitely a dealbreaker. I think I’m just gonna have to say, I had to sleep on the sofa tonight…the bed was still wet and it wasn’t sweat - which we initially assumed… If anyone can give me any advice or have experienced this, please shout! Bloody typical it has been going amazingly well, For the first time in my life, I’m with a man who is more keen on me than I am him (guards up still 🤣)

Stravaig · 16/04/2025 14:52

Even Spud managed to recognise what he'd done, strip the sheets, say he'd had an accident, and tried to get them into the washing machine without anyone else having to touch them.

BoldAmberDuck · 16/04/2025 14:54

MeridianB · 16/04/2025 12:00

All the people saying he may have prostate problems or any other kind of serious condition, yes, he might.

But these are all just potential reasons for the incontinence and they are not the point. He got up and left the OP without acknowledging he had destroyed her bedding and mattress. Left her to clean it up and replace it without a word. This part is why people are saying dump him. This is just basic courtesy, whatever his condition or problem is.

Hardly destroyed it! It can all be cleaned

MounjaroOnMyMind · 16/04/2025 14:54

BoldAmberDuck · 16/04/2025 14:52

How do you know he’s not unwell?

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Oh come on! He was drunk and quite happily left a soaking wet bed for the OP to discover. Don't pretend any of that was to do with him not being well.

arethereanyleftatall · 16/04/2025 14:54

People are allowed to choose not to date anyone FOR ANY REASON THEY WANT

if someone would rather be single than go out with someone who wets the bed, medical reason or otherwise, then that is their choice

if you are happy to go out with someone who wets the bed, then go for it, that’s your choice

Bmacaul · 16/04/2025 14:55

That's disgusting get rid of the lazy thing

BoldAmberDuck · 16/04/2025 14:55

HeatherMac007 · 16/04/2025 14:19

You like this guy, he got drunk and weed the bed. Its gross but doesn't have to be the end of the world. He's 50 could be a prostate issue. I wouldn't say this is a huge red flag tbh, just an unfortunate accident.
Him not owning up and helping you clean up however is a potential issue.
If this were me and I really liked the guy, id chalk it up to him being embarrassed on this occasion but also just be totally honest with him. Explain you realised it was pee. Be empathetic and understanding. Ask if it had happened before and that it might be worth a prostate check with doc. Explain in a non judgemental way that if it happened again you'd expect him to clean it up but that you'd hope he'd get it checked out in order to order chances of any recurance. Ask what you can do to help? Perhaps pads down if you guys have been drinking?
We're animals and when we age sometimes our facilities stop working as well as the had. I wet myself a few times when pregnant and I'm so glad my husband didn't seem it reason to dump me like some responses here suggest!

Absolutely spot on reply

OtterInABlueTie · 16/04/2025 14:55

I recall a thread years ago about someone with an 8 year old DD who kept pissing on the couch and In her underwear and hiding it. understandabl y the OP was getting very cross about it . Some posters were really piling into the OP and accusing her of punishing the child for accidents . The poor OP kept trying to explain that she never punished her DD for the wetting but that she kept.hiding it and pretending like it hadn't happened. There wasn't any medical reason for the accidents either. I can understand why the OP was cross and I would have disciplined the child until they learned not to lie. For heaven's sake those of us who were kids in the 70s/80s would have been spanked or worse for lying about things .an adult should know better.

have it out with him OP. Bill him for the damaged bedding too. If he is repentant it may be worth salvaging the relationship .

FoxedByACat · 16/04/2025 14:57

BoldAmberDuck · 16/04/2025 14:49

Yes I suggested prostate too but was ignored by the majority as everyone seems to want to demonise this chap

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I thought prostate issue made men need to get up in the night? Not piss the bed and not notice/pretend not to notice?

I’ll ask again, how much did he drink and did he drive this morning?

Serraphina · 16/04/2025 14:58

Stravaig · 16/04/2025 14:52

Even Spud managed to recognise what he'd done, strip the sheets, say he'd had an accident, and tried to get them into the washing machine without anyone else having to touch them.

Yes I said that uptread - even a heroin addict was respectful enough to take responsibilty for their accident.

SquashedMallow · 16/04/2025 14:59

OtterInABlueTie · 16/04/2025 14:55

I recall a thread years ago about someone with an 8 year old DD who kept pissing on the couch and In her underwear and hiding it. understandabl y the OP was getting very cross about it . Some posters were really piling into the OP and accusing her of punishing the child for accidents . The poor OP kept trying to explain that she never punished her DD for the wetting but that she kept.hiding it and pretending like it hadn't happened. There wasn't any medical reason for the accidents either. I can understand why the OP was cross and I would have disciplined the child until they learned not to lie. For heaven's sake those of us who were kids in the 70s/80s would have been spanked or worse for lying about things .an adult should know better.

have it out with him OP. Bill him for the damaged bedding too. If he is repentant it may be worth salvaging the relationship .

Edited

That's horrific.

That doesn't need discipline, both you and the parent in question need to be less shallow and think about what was going on to cause the 8yr old girl to be having accidents and feeling too afraid to tell anyone.

What an awful response from you.

The language says it all "8 yr old pissing themselves". How crude.

Some people on here show such disgust at failure of the body to maintain fluids. Accidents happen, for all kinds of reasons.

The 8yr old screams red flags of something more going on to me. Whether physical or mental. She wasn't "lying" she was either embarrassed or afraid. That needs tact to deal with , not bloody punishment

OtterInABlueTie · 16/04/2025 15:01

BoldAmberDuck · 16/04/2025 14:54

Hardly destroyed it! It can all be cleaned

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It depends on the mattress. If it's foam there could be some damage. But yeah the sheets will be fine. Bicarbonate of soda sprinkles on the mattress will get rid of the stink, if mattress is salvageable. I have pets, you can tell! 😁😁

Burntt · 16/04/2025 15:01

ok so sometimes people wet the bed when they have too much to drink. That could be manageable.

but he left it for you to clean up?! Fuck that. No way would I tolerate a man with such views

Clocloxx · 16/04/2025 15:01

I see more of an issue with him not stripping the bed to wash the sheets! Or to say anything to you!
A fella I was seen wet the bed (his bed) we were only together about a month aswell, he woke me and we stripped the bed sheets, honestly can't remember if he was drinking that night. We're now together 9 years and he has had the odd accident small bladder deep sleep etc

Bmacaul · 16/04/2025 15:03

Talk about some wet dreams guess u really turn him on

OtterInABlueTie · 16/04/2025 15:05

SquashedMallow · 16/04/2025 14:59

That's horrific.

That doesn't need discipline, both you and the parent in question need to be less shallow and think about what was going on to cause the 8yr old girl to be having accidents and feeling too afraid to tell anyone.

What an awful response from you.

The language says it all "8 yr old pissing themselves". How crude.

Some people on here show such disgust at failure of the body to maintain fluids. Accidents happen, for all kinds of reasons.

The 8yr old screams red flags of something more going on to me. Whether physical or mental. She wasn't "lying" she was either embarrassed or afraid. That needs tact to deal with , not bloody punishment

Edited

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I don't mean physical discipline but making sure she cleaned it up. I get that she may have been embarrassed and yes there could have been reasons for it, some kids do have issues. The mum did say it wasn't fear, but admitted could have been embarassment or a UTI.

in the case of this thread the partner is old enough to know better. Even a dog knows not to do that! @NewManIssue perhaps he needs his nose rubbed in it?? 😁😁😁 I wouldn't of course do that to a dog , humans know better.

Original poster

NewManIssue · 16/04/2025 15:06

wizzywig · 16/04/2025 14:51

Are you 100% sure it wasn't you?

😂10000000% sure - it was under his body, on the opposite side of the bed, I barely slept (for coughing) and went for about 10 pees ironically!

OP posts:

tara66 · 16/04/2025 15:10

It happened then he's completely ignored the disaster he left behind? I must say for me it is very bad that he has not reacted at all to what he did? No phone call today to explain/ apologise? How is that acceptable? If he doesn't know what happened - frankly he's not all there.

Original poster

NewManIssue · 16/04/2025 15:13

@FoxedByACat he had I would say 3 -5 pints as at home I had bottles in.

He did not drive the next morning no, as I have said he was not at work until later in the day so there was no need hence arranging to see one another and I work from home.

Christ we are not raging alcoholics, We had a dog walk, a couple of drinks in the village pub then back to mine for food and a couple more. I don't drink as much as him as I prefer to mix with soft drinks but I felt inebriated, who knows how much compared to other, but for ME I did.

OP posts:

emmadaisylou94 · 16/04/2025 15:17

Dumping someone you really like for having a weak bladder? I get its a turn off but, maybe just encourage drinking less if that was the real cause.

Everyone in this comment thread jumping to the conclusion that he must do it often...

A few months ago, I wet the bed, I could only assume it was due to alcohol intake however, never happened to me before and I was barely even tipsy. It can also be triggered by anxiety so, in reality I think for me it was possibly anxiety mixed with alcohol induced. I was very anxious that night. Thankfully, I woke up immediately after it happened.

My point is, that this could have been a first or very uncommon experience for him too that he may of not of been aware of.

I could be wrong, and he does do it often and he may or may not be aware of it. But, I recon you'll be able to tell immediately from how he responds.

HeatherMac007 · 16/04/2025 15:17

I've always taught my kids that it's ok to make mistakes. It's how we then respond after that counts.

Ok his initial response hasn't been great (denial and letting you clean up) but that could be because he's mortified and not sure how to re-act or he's a bit dim and genuinely thinks it's sweat.

You've said relationship is otherwise good so you sound like you'd want to continue with it, so now you need to talk it out like adults.

Once you gently confront him with the truth, it's his response then will show you the measure of him. Hopefully he'll be contrite, apologetic and make appropriate actions to remedy the situation (maybe buying a new mattress and going to the doctor's to get checked). However if he's continuing with denial or defensive or dismissive then that's your red flags OP.

A once off mistakes does not (necessarily) an abuser make!!!

Whooowhooohoo · 16/04/2025 15:29

First- 100% he needs to replace your mattress

Once it’s replaced, then decide.

MissDoubleU · 16/04/2025 15:30

emmadaisylou94 · 16/04/2025 15:17

Dumping someone you really like for having a weak bladder? I get its a turn off but, maybe just encourage drinking less if that was the real cause.

Everyone in this comment thread jumping to the conclusion that he must do it often...

A few months ago, I wet the bed, I could only assume it was due to alcohol intake however, never happened to me before and I was barely even tipsy. It can also be triggered by anxiety so, in reality I think for me it was possibly anxiety mixed with alcohol induced. I was very anxious that night. Thankfully, I woke up immediately after it happened.

My point is, that this could have been a first or very uncommon experience for him too that he may of not of been aware of.

I could be wrong, and he does do it often and he may or may not be aware of it. But, I recon you'll be able to tell immediately from how he responds.

It’s not dumping someone for having a weak bladder. It’s potentially dumping them for knowingly having that weak bladder and taking zero precautions before urinating all over their sheets and soaking through their relatively new mattress. Then, on seeing he has defiled the place his beloved sleeps every night he gets up and leaves her to clean his biological waste while he gets on with his day unbothered.

Any decent man worth keeping would clean his mess himself and apologise. Not to mention offer to replace the now ruined mattress. OP is being very generous giving him grace to explain himself tonight but however you spin it he made that mess and left it to the woman he has been dating for 1 month to clean on her own. If you would accept this, more fool you.

BunnyLake · 16/04/2025 15:31

OtterInABlueTie · 16/04/2025 14:55

I recall a thread years ago about someone with an 8 year old DD who kept pissing on the couch and In her underwear and hiding it. understandabl y the OP was getting very cross about it . Some posters were really piling into the OP and accusing her of punishing the child for accidents . The poor OP kept trying to explain that she never punished her DD for the wetting but that she kept.hiding it and pretending like it hadn't happened. There wasn't any medical reason for the accidents either. I can understand why the OP was cross and I would have disciplined the child until they learned not to lie. For heaven's sake those of us who were kids in the 70s/80s would have been spanked or worse for lying about things .an adult should know better.

have it out with him OP. Bill him for the damaged bedding too. If he is repentant it may be worth salvaging the relationship .

Edited

When I was that age (maybe a bit younger) I also used to wet the bed and hide it. I was just too embarrassed, ashamed and timid (I was a ridiculously timid child) but thankfully my mum was always kind about it (which was ironic as she was a smacker). I did stop (I used to sleep so deeply I actually believed I was getting up and going to the loo). This was the 60s. Grown men of course shouldn't be hiding it like a child though.

TrainGame · 16/04/2025 15:36

3 - 5 pints is quite a lot OP.

That's not ragging alcoholic but it's not a couple of drinks either. That could potentially compromise a weak bladder...

You say he's slept over 5 other times and there have been no accidents - did he drink so heavily those times?

In the end, he should have cleared it up. There's no shame in having an accident but there is shame in not following through with the clean up and leaving it to you. I imagine he was soaked through himself. Didn't you see each other the following morning?

outerspacepotato · 16/04/2025 15:38

Getting so drunk that he can't make it to the toilet and pees in the bed is not a good sign. Adding in that he didn't tell you and left you to deal with it, I would never see him again.