New Partner Wet the Bed

[NewManIssue]

That’s it, basically.

I met someone about a month ago and it has been fantastic really good fun no issues at all, we’ve done absolutely loads together, met friends of each other and an adult child, and have lots of planned.

He came over yesterday afternoon because we were both off work and we went out for a walk had a few drinks. He made us some food. We had a few more drinks and we were both pretty drunk, I will admit.

The morning when I went over to give him a hug as the alarm was about to go off the bed was soaking, I presumed with sweat…no particular smell at this stage.

I left my bed open to air with a view to stripping the sheets after work, however when I went back in there the whole room reeked of urine and there was a huge stain and it has gone through my mattress topper and my mattress is still soaking wet as are the pillows.

I’ve never experienced this before, Although I know it can be something some men do when they are drunk…

I feel like it’s something I need to speak to him face-to-face about which I could probably do tomorrow when he finishes work at about 9:30pm but otherwise I’m unlikely to see him for a few days.

I feel a little awkward. I don’t want him embarrass him however surely it’s not the first time even if this is the first time with me since I’ve known him.

It’s not a dealbreaker initially, however if it’s a regular thing, it’s definitely a dealbreaker. I think I’m just gonna have to say, I had to sleep on the sofa tonight…the bed was still wet and it wasn’t sweat - which we initially assumed…

If anyone can give me any advice or have experienced this, please shout!

Bloody typical it has been going amazingly well, For the first time in my life, I’m with a man who is more keen on me than I am him (guards up still 🤣)

OP whilst this is very concerning and the responses have been very varied, I don't think I would use the expression "piss the bed" (at least not at first). I might use "how often do you wet your bed" and take it from there.
I would also give the benefit of the doubt, in the first instance, although I have never slept with anyone that has wet the bed.
Even if you do decide to walk away, the very least he could do is replace all affected articles!

She's only been with him 4 weeks.
He's heck of a unlucky if the first time he pissed the bed is in his new GFs.

He must know he has an issue. And if he doesn't he should at least have apologised. Not be trying to sound the Op out on did she notice.

The only acceptable response to a misdoing is apology and restitution. Not one or the other, BOTH. Apology should include acknowledgement of the misdeed with sincere regret and restitution should be appropriate, which here would be stripping the bed and washing the sheets plus buying a new mattress for OP. Nothing less, and it doesn't matter what the cause was: drunkenness, cocaine use, medical issue, weird dream. The response should be the same.

The fact that he didn't own up and simply left OP with the problem is horrible. It's a side of him his friends don't get to see, clearly.

Absolutely agree, the OP's suggestion of what she's going to say to him is AWFUL. This guy might unknowingly have prostate cancer, and confronting him in that manner as she plans is not ok.

It’s unusual that it didn’t smell at all any time in the morning, especially after a night drinking so I guess I can understand not realising, although surely where the wettest bit was was a pointer as sweating would be more likely the back area! Strange one!

Maybe he was unlucky and it was his first time!

I like to keep an open mind until I know the facts but I realise not everyone is like that🤷

That's what odd it WAS in that area?! And I barely slept a wink, and didn't notice but like I say I keep to my lane in bed!

Do you mean the wettest bit was the torso? And it didn’t smell in the morning… are you sure the smell later was wee, not sweat and alcohol sinking into whatever the bed is made of? Feather pillows can smell pretty rank if wet.

How in God's name did it soak the pillows??

I have an Ex that used to do this. Great guy ultimately, but he loved a drink. Which isn't a problem, until he wet the bed whenever he drunk. And that was alot. It was something he'd seen a doctor about previously and had been given something to take before bed which was meant to stop it but it never worked. He'd often think it was funny too and that was ultimately the end of it for me - I couldn't handle that and he couldn't handle reining in the drinking so it was a deal breaker.

I can 100% say from experience it won't change - so unless you want to revert back to early childhood and slip on a crispy plastic sheet again for the rest of your days, I'd call it.

I’m not suggesting it wet the pillows. I’m asking if maybe what the bed is made of got really stinky as sweat soaked in. I know that sounds strange but it’s also really strange if it was soaked around the torso spot and didn’t smell like wee. My dh can create a swimming pool in the bed from sweating (no I don’t like it), and when my 2yos nappy leaks, hydrated 2yo wee not adult man who’s had a drink wee and I check its wee right away by smelling, you’d know surely?! (I check as she’s also a sweat ball, one of the signs she’s falling sleep are little beads of sweat appearing on her nose 😁)

Absolutely this.
Its a straight test to see what your boundaries are like.

Well, quite! And if the wet bed had been dealt with timeously, it is very likely that the mattress would have been saved. As OP was led to believe it was just a bit of sweat, the pee has now ruined the mattress.

Make sure you get the money for a replacement mattress, topper and pillows before you dump him!

Its interesting that many women on this thread have experienced this themselves and 100% have said it was alcohol and they left them.

I have done this myself in the past and not only once. I don't drink now but would try hide it and make excuses such as sweating etc. I always knew that I had done it. It would normally be if drank quite a bit

So many red flags here! And it’s not even a deal breaker for you. You will be back in months time crying even more. This is sick, a grown man peed the bed! 🤮

My ex also did this. He was an alcoholic but still denying it and gaslighting me, even said he spilled drink (wet patch on sofa). Unless there is a genuine medical issue my guess is this man has alcohol issues.

Thanks for assuming I will be back crying again in a few months, please RTFT - I am going to speak to him tonight, his response and how I feel about it defines our future - any inkling he knew or its regular I am gone. I am 55 not 15, absolutely nothing wrong in speaking to him ensuring my goods are replaced and then leaving.

I'm not projecting, no. Piss is a crude word. Wet the bed would do surely ? But either way, we'll leave it there. I'll say no more.

She didn't say it's not a deal-breaker, she said she wants to speak to him first, which is absolutely the right thing to do. The obvious answer is usually right but not always.

I'm also wondering why it didn't smell in the morning, male urine is usually very whiffy straight away. Without being too gross are you sure it was mostly sweat with a bit of stale urine mixed in if he had not shaken properly after going? Assuming he was sleeping naked of course

This is so much more of the moderate compassionate response that's needed.

Some boys do wet the bed into their teens. I don't know if it carries on into adulthood. Maybe. Just Google to find out how many parents struggle with this on MN with their boys.

I would ask gently.

Of course the OP doesn't have to stay with someone if they are disabled/compromised in this area but don't shame someone who may have had a life long problem.

Just take a look at the number of threads from parents who can't solve this problem for their teen boys.

https://www.google.com/search?q=teen+wetting+bed+mumsnet&oq=teen+wetting+bed+mumsnet&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUyBggAEEUYOdIBCDQwMzFqMGo3qAIAsAIA&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

My husband really sweats, always has done. Head, back everything. I have to change the sheets every day if its hot. We are both T total. Haven't had alcohol for decades. So it categorically isn't because of that. When dried, It's not a pleasant smell, and can have a urinesque odour to it.

Does he clean up after himself when he goes to the toilet? That would tell you something about his attitude to this sort of thing, although, as it's only a month in, he could just be making a special effort.

I once had a partner who just never bothered to clean the toilet after use. I was so pathetic. I just used to clean up after him 😒until, finally, I realised how disrespectful to me that was.

After that, I used to call him back, EVERY SINGLE TIME, to clean it up. Grrr, it's making my blood boil just thinking about it!😡