New Partner Wet the Bed

[NewManIssue]

That’s it, basically.

I met someone about a month ago and it has been fantastic really good fun no issues at all, we’ve done absolutely loads together, met friends of each other and an adult child, and have lots of planned.

He came over yesterday afternoon because we were both off work and we went out for a walk had a few drinks. He made us some food. We had a few more drinks and we were both pretty drunk, I will admit.

The morning when I went over to give him a hug as the alarm was about to go off the bed was soaking, I presumed with sweat…no particular smell at this stage.

I left my bed open to air with a view to stripping the sheets after work, however when I went back in there the whole room reeked of urine and there was a huge stain and it has gone through my mattress topper and my mattress is still soaking wet as are the pillows.

I’ve never experienced this before, Although I know it can be something some men do when they are drunk…

I feel like it’s something I need to speak to him face-to-face about which I could probably do tomorrow when he finishes work at about 9:30pm but otherwise I’m unlikely to see him for a few days.

I feel a little awkward. I don’t want him embarrass him however surely it’s not the first time even if this is the first time with me since I’ve known him.

It’s not a dealbreaker initially, however if it’s a regular thing, it’s definitely a dealbreaker. I think I’m just gonna have to say, I had to sleep on the sofa tonight…the bed was still wet and it wasn’t sweat - which we initially assumed…

If anyone can give me any advice or have experienced this, please shout!

Bloody typical it has been going amazingly well, For the first time in my life, I’m with a man who is more keen on me than I am him (guards up still 🤣)

Tell him it's dried but it still stinks!

Let him know you, know it's not just sweat!

Yes this. I would be so mortified I would have to bring it to your attention immediately with profuse apologies, not behave like a child hoping his mum just thought he’d dropped his glass of water over the bed.

Oh I am going to absolutely tell him it was pee - pondering on how to word it - will say I need to have a chat about Monday night and then maybe say "how often do you piss the bed?" Direct and to the point and no fannying about getting to the point softly! As no need - his reaction to that should tell me everything I need to know...

I’m sorry this happened to you, it’s embarrassing and not easy to navigate so early in a relationship, however my very kind ex partner did this within a month of meeting. I thought it was a one off, it wasn’t, he was alcohol dependent and covered it well until he couldn’t anymore. If that’s the case with this man, I would seriously consider stepping away, no matter how functioning he may appear to be. Listen to anyone who knows him, and to what he says about the reasons for previous relationships ending, the clues are often there.

So does the dried out sheet smell of urine. If he wet the bed it definitely would.

I agree that his reponse will tell you a lot. Remorse may not prove it’s not a habit but anger will prove you need to ditch.

@NewManIssue Perfect. And if it’s clear he’s lied about it & he starts to dig deeper, follow up with - do you sometimes shit the bed at night too, or is it just wee to watch out for?

You need to speak to him, he may have bladder issues, keep an open mind until you talk to him
If someone actually did have bladder issues ( although I suspect it was because he was drunk) then that’s a very embarrassing issue

I suspect he's an alcoholic. If there's not a medical reason, get rid of him.

Doesn't matter why he wet the bed or if he's embarrassed. It's the fact he just left it for the OP to deal with. It's unacceptable.

If you have bladder issues you don't sleep in some other person's bed without protection, both on you and the bed!!!

Why are people trying to defend that?

I thought I wet the bed once with an ex

Year later they admitted it was them!

Let me take the blame for it!

That was fairly new in and only happened once so possibly a one off

He knew.

My Dad does this but he has dementia.

He always knows even if he (because of his diagnosis) doesn't know why.

All I’m suggesting is that she keeps an open mind until she speaks to him!!!

Do you find that completely unreasonable?!!

even asked if it had dried out ok...??

Unfortunately, this remark suggests to me that he knew exactly what he had done!

If he'd just been a bit extra sweaty because of your extra hot bedroom, he would have completely forgotten about it by the time he'd gone home, had a shower and spent a couple of hours at his work. As it is, it sounds as this had been preying on his mind because he knows it wasn't actually sweat!

An open mind about why he left a bed, sheets, mattresses and pillows sodden with piss for someone else to clear up?

Yes that is completely unreasonable - medical condition, one off accident or alcholic.

Do you find that completely reasonable?!!

Did he say sweat? Or it?

This is what's strange - everyone LOVES him - I met a lot of his friends the first time we met and they all think the world of him, his best friend is a woman of a similar age to me and she and her husband are definitely my kind of people. They all are go on about how well suited we are (err hang on, no issues with MY pelvic floor 😃) and how pleased they are that we met etc and more. He is friendly with his children's mother, and a great relationship with his sibling and mother.

He is very kind and affectionate, and yes we get on very well BUT I can walk away if the conversation doesn't have a positive outcome later, disappointing but I don't need that in my life.

I had only changed my sheets that day FFS and the mattress is about 3 months old 😡 - incidentally a local upholstery cleaner said he has limited success with mattresses and has to be honest so yeah a new one required!

I don't know what's going on at the moment. There have always been reports of really awful men on MN but lately there's been a tolerance of absolute bellends. All the handmaidens come out to play to justify why these men should be tolerated - I've no idea whether half the people on these threads are real, but fuck me, they are willing to put up with some shit in order to have a man in their life.

SquashedMallow · Today 09:46 "I honestly believe that on Mumsnet men are treated far far worse and given far less leniency than women to the point of total misogyny sometimes."

That makes no sense. Do you mean misandry?

Open mind,
He got in her bed without protection knowing he has an issue, alcohol or medical he knows he wets the bed.

It's like getting into somes bed at time of month without protection and just bleeding all over the bed. You just don't do it.

How do you know he knew he had an issue?!? The OP hasn’t witnessed him doing it before

Ewwwwww he needs dumping purely for the “did it dry out ok” comment. Even if he genuinely thought it was sweat and not urine (I don’t believe that) then does he think you left it to just dry out and go back to sleep on it the next day? 🤯

Has he apologised at all? For the wet bed and the amount of cleaning he left you to do?

He’s 50

he needs his prostate checking

drink won’t have helped, but the prostate will most likely be a factor at his age @NewManIssue

There is no way on God’s green earth that he didn’t know he’d done it. You piss the bed and you absolutely know. If he says otherwise he’s a liar.

He should be beside himself with embarrassment and suggesting everything possible to rectify the situation. But he’s not. He’s hoping you genuinely think it’s sweat.

I don’t think I could get past this OP, I really don’t. It’s revolting.

How do you know he knew he had an issue? The OP hasn’t witnessed him doing it before, maybe it was the first time it had happened to him

Do you find that way of thinking completely unreasonable