New Partner Wet the Bed

[NewManIssue]

That’s it, basically.

I met someone about a month ago and it has been fantastic really good fun no issues at all, we’ve done absolutely loads together, met friends of each other and an adult child, and have lots of planned.

He came over yesterday afternoon because we were both off work and we went out for a walk had a few drinks. He made us some food. We had a few more drinks and we were both pretty drunk, I will admit.

The morning when I went over to give him a hug as the alarm was about to go off the bed was soaking, I presumed with sweat…no particular smell at this stage.

I left my bed open to air with a view to stripping the sheets after work, however when I went back in there the whole room reeked of urine and there was a huge stain and it has gone through my mattress topper and my mattress is still soaking wet as are the pillows.

I’ve never experienced this before, Although I know it can be something some men do when they are drunk…

I feel like it’s something I need to speak to him face-to-face about which I could probably do tomorrow when he finishes work at about 9:30pm but otherwise I’m unlikely to see him for a few days.

I feel a little awkward. I don’t want him embarrass him however surely it’s not the first time even if this is the first time with me since I’ve known him.

It’s not a dealbreaker initially, however if it’s a regular thing, it’s definitely a dealbreaker. I think I’m just gonna have to say, I had to sleep on the sofa tonight…the bed was still wet and it wasn’t sweat - which we initially assumed…

If anyone can give me any advice or have experienced this, please shout!

Bloody typical it has been going amazingly well, For the first time in my life, I’m with a man who is more keen on me than I am him (guards up still 🤣)

He knew and left you to clean it up. There is no way he didn’t know when it was that much urine it soaked through a topper and into the mattress.

Gentle? Is this a joke?

What he did is vile and he left it for OP to clean.

OP, your standards are far too low if this isnt a dealbreaker.

I've known 2 men piss beds, both raging alcoholics.
Both aware in the morning they'd done it.
I think he knows and is bullshitting you.
Get him to buy you replacements for whatever he pissed on.

If you stay it will could be your sofa/curtains/wardrobe/front door/fireplace next, anywhere but the actual toilet.

In sickness and in health doesn’t exist one month after meeting the person. Thats a decision and a vow you take on when you truly know them and decide they are your person with whom you will stand by. Of course your husband/wife should clean you up and help you on an occasion you had an incident. It’s completely different to someone you’ve been dating weeks popping round, ruining your property then leaving and hoping you’ll never mention it to them.

No. Man or women, it's still vile. And to leave it for someone else to clean up too.

He knows. What else do you think he could be referring to? Did he say ‘it’ rather than ‘piss’?

Sounds like he thinks he get away with not replacing the mattress.

Also charge him for new pillows and mattress topper. They are expensive!

How did you respond to his question in whether it dries out ok?

This just makes me shudder.

OP - get a new matress and don't bother waiting for an explanation. There are
absolutely no justifiable reasons as to why anyone would do this. Just the fact that he walked out of the door without cleaning his own mess and immediately offering to replace is unforgivable.

He's booked a surprise for the weekend?

The mind boggles ....

I would like to speculate but I'm actually speechless. 🤢

Booking the weekend away is a direct response to him wetting the bed. He's throwing you a bone instead of admitting what he did and replacing the mattress.

My brother was still wetting the bed after I left home. He was mid 20s. Obvs worse when he had a drink. I believe he stopped when he was around 30. But I often wonder if he still had accidents. I have never asked.
could be this.

He MUST have known. The fact he didn't mention it is a deal breaker.

All the people saying he may have prostate problems or any other kind of serious condition, yes, he might.

But these are all just potential reasons for the incontinence and they are not the point. He got up and left the OP without acknowledging he had destroyed her bedding and mattress. Left her to clean it up and replace it without a word. This part is why people are saying dump him. This is just basic courtesy, whatever his condition or problem is.

Of course he realised! He'd be soaking wet when he woke up.

I hope your brother isn't vile enough to sleep in someone's bed without pajamas pants or a protector on the bed.

That's the bit that gets me. Regardless of medical issue you protect the bed.

We all bloody bleed every month, you don't get into someone else bed without a pad if your at that time of the month!!

Yes women get caught out, but you get up apologise and deal with it.
You don't fuck off and hope he doesn't notice.

He MUST have noticed it was piss on himself at some point. You say he went home without showering at yours. He absolutely will have noticed the smell on himself, on the clothes he put on, and the stickiness/feel of it. It just isn't the same thing as sweat. It was all the way up to the pillow. It would have been all over him. No way he doesn't know.

even asked if it had dried out ok
He is 100% testing if you know too.

Don’t tiptoe around the subject. You sound very tolerant and you probaby don’t want to be blunt.
You have every right to ask that he replaces your mattress and pillows.
I still can’t get over the fact that he woke up in a cold, piss soaked bed and didn’t mention it! Embarrassed, my arse.
For anyone interested I have a fully encased mattress protector… My dog sleeps with me.

He did admit he did it - he asked the OP if it had dried out OK?

To me this is him minimising it and its obviously happened previously - this is acceptable behaviour from him - that he pisses in your bed, wrecks your belongings and leaves it for you to mop up his stale alcohol sodden urine.

He hasnt taken the opportunity to say that he has a medical problem in this discussion which is what the OP seems to be looking for.

Whats most sad is the OP thinks there is something to discuss and salvage.

If I had an issue with bed wetting and was dating I simply wouldn’t stay overnight. I just couldn’t risk peeing someone else’s bed….i’d be mortified and wouldn’t want to ruin someone else’s property.

This man didn’t care…..that speaks volumes.

@SquashedMallow I get that this is a sensitive topic for you but the word "piss" is not in itself derogatory and you have no particular right to police language you consider "shallow and crude." You're projecting a bit.

TO CLARIFY - he meant did the bed dry out - as in the SWEAT as he didn't deny it was sweat - or admit it either....it was not sweat...

Be careful OP, a similar situation happened to a friend of mine, he wet her bed on more than one occasion and it turned out he was a heavy cocaine user

I also used to go out with a bed wetter (bw due to a drinking problem). It started off just occasionally and then became more and more frequent until most nights I was woken up in a drenched bed. And everything was drenched including the pillows. He also fell asleep downstairs a lot so the sofa got urinated on. The carpets got urinated on. It was vile, and the whole house stank because it happened so often. He also mistook the fridge at his mum’s house for the toilet and pissed in there as well. And he never cleaned it up either so I had to do it otherwise I’d have nowhere to sleep due to him having drenched all chairs and beds in his urine.

The fact your guy was so casual in how he dealt with the situation suggests he knows damn well what he did, as most people would be mortified and would show that mortification. It will be interesting to see how he deals with your conversation later. If the bed wetting isn’t a deal breaker then that conversation should be.

Christ. This is horrible.

Exactly.
He knows. It doesn't matter if it's a medical issue or alcohol he knows.

Op you really can do better than a pisser

Tbh this was one of his least worst traits.

I’m actually thinking now about how drunk he was on a work night. He left to go to work this morning after being so drunk he pissed the bed. Really hope he didn’t drive to his place/to work! He’s very likely to have been over the limit. People who drink to this extent on an evening when they have work the next day have an alcohol problem.