New Partner Wet the Bed

[NewManIssue]

That’s it, basically.

I met someone about a month ago and it has been fantastic really good fun no issues at all, we’ve done absolutely loads together, met friends of each other and an adult child, and have lots of planned.

He came over yesterday afternoon because we were both off work and we went out for a walk had a few drinks. He made us some food. We had a few more drinks and we were both pretty drunk, I will admit.

The morning when I went over to give him a hug as the alarm was about to go off the bed was soaking, I presumed with sweat…no particular smell at this stage.

I left my bed open to air with a view to stripping the sheets after work, however when I went back in there the whole room reeked of urine and there was a huge stain and it has gone through my mattress topper and my mattress is still soaking wet as are the pillows.

I’ve never experienced this before, Although I know it can be something some men do when they are drunk…

I feel like it’s something I need to speak to him face-to-face about which I could probably do tomorrow when he finishes work at about 9:30pm but otherwise I’m unlikely to see him for a few days.

I feel a little awkward. I don’t want him embarrass him however surely it’s not the first time even if this is the first time with me since I’ve known him.

It’s not a dealbreaker initially, however if it’s a regular thing, it’s definitely a dealbreaker. I think I’m just gonna have to say, I had to sleep on the sofa tonight…the bed was still wet and it wasn’t sweat - which we initially assumed…

If anyone can give me any advice or have experienced this, please shout!

Bloody typical it has been going amazingly well, For the first time in my life, I’m with a man who is more keen on me than I am him (guards up still 🤣)

What's your point? She smelled that it was urine, ergo it wasn't sweat.

IMHO, there are three layers to this:

I feel for him if he wets the bed occasionally (nocturnal enuresis). At least 2% of adults have this condition and it affects more men. It must be awful to broach it in a new relationship because (as this thread and your view @NewManIssue) shows, it’d push most people away. Has he ever been in a long term relationship? If he’s a really lovely guy, maybe this is why? Which is really sad.

However, if he has this condition, sounds like he hasn’t tried very hard to manage it so early on in the relationship. A month is no time. If I had this condition (or any off putting medical condition), I’d do everything to manage symptoms, to give the relationship a chance to develop. Drinking a lot in the afternoon and evening (even water) isn’t likely to help and a lot of alcohol must mean it’s far more likely to happen.

Also, once he’d done it, however mortified he must have felt (and he must feel so ashamed and that he’s blown it) he should have told you at that point, profusely apologised and stripped the bed/offered to clean the mattress. The worst thing is that he’s tried to get away with you thinking it’s sweat and cleaning it up. I can understand that, but it shows a certain weakness and dishonesty.

Speak to him directly. Really listen to what he has to say. If he doesn’t take responsibility and profusely apologise, then that’s more of a problem than the actual bed-wetting.

However, if he handles it well, is generally a lovely guy, you get on well and he explains how he can usually manage it, I wouldn’t immediately end it with someone where this may occasionally happen. But I’d be buying a waterproof mattress protector.

She’s lucky he didn’t piss on her head by the sounds of that 🙈😁

I'd tell him he needs to buy me a new mattress. And then after that I'd never let him in my bed again. Unless he's got a medical issue it's a sign he's a chronic alcoholic.

Honestly why tie yourself in knots to find reasons why it’s ok for a 50 year old man to urinate in bed with a woman he has known for 1 month? No one is taking the piss out of elderly fathers, children with issues, people with medical problems, even alcoholics.

I fully stand by that after a month of knowing someone as a romantic partner you should not be expected to suck up them pissing in your bed and you cleaning it up and sparing their feelings with kind words, understanding and empathy afterwards. I don’t understand why pps think he’ll pay for a new mattress if op is kind to him - he’s known her a month and pissed in her bed - he’s not a respectful gentleman is he?

I cannot get over the people making excuses for him.

Firstly, the OP has been dating this man for a month - of course he seems perfect so far, I mean, even a serial killer can keep up an act of normality for 4 weeks🙄

Why would someone keep on dating a person who acted like this after only 4 weeks? My DH is this age, and after our 28 years together, of course I would investigate with him if this happened. But no way would I be a therapist for a man after dating for 4 weeks. Women are not support humans for men.

I always said that if anything happened to DH I would never date again - after reading this thread I am 100% committed to that!

Read all of OP's posts on this thread, @Kayakerpaddleboarder . It smells like urine. It is urine. And her mattress was SOAKED THROUGH. Mere sweat does not do that. She explained how the pillows were positioned on the wet bit which made the pillows wet.

One month into dating is the honeymoon phase and it's starting a thread online for advice, ruined mattress and soggy pillows. I get accidents can happen to anyone but he skipped out without saying a word of apology and is trying to sweep it under the rug by booking a night away, he's trying to corner OP into not ending things by doing that, so he absolutely knew it wasn't sweat and let another person to clean up after him. I wouldn't hang about after this.

This has been a funny read and most comments reflect what I was thinking. Mattresses are expensive not to be pissed on by adults. I really want to know the outcome of the conversation now. I'm intrigued. Good luck, please update.

Read all of OP's posts on this thread, @GameOfJones . It smells like urine. It is urine. And her mattress was SOAKED THROUGH. Mere sweat does not do that. She explained how the pillows were pressed on the wet bit which made the pillows wet.

Good luck!!

That was my immediate thought! If there was always a risk I might piss the bed after drinking alcohol. I'd be tee-total.

My late Father looked after my Mother who wet the bed due to dementia. They had been together over 50 years though. The OP has been with thus man a month, his behaviour on realising he wet the bed was disgusting. The two situations are not the same and it's not the same as your grandparents.

It would never occur to me not to dump him. It’s a dealbreaker.

My DHL has unwittingly wet the bed a few times, turned out to be a prostate problem.

How he handles this will tell you everything about his character going forward.

I might (MIGHT) buy him not knowing what he’d done if he slept nude. That’s still a push, but possible. If he reacts with surprise but humility, apologises, offers whatever recompense OP needs to rectify this. Then I believe it’s forgivable.

If he bashfully admit he knew what he’d done and left hoping it would all be ignored? Nah. This is not a good man and would delicately advise you find someone who can own their own piss, frankly.

If he gets in any way angry or accusatory, then you know you’re dealing with a man with an ego and you should run. Leave him to piss all over someone else’s mattress.

I wonder if the OP would draw the line at shitting the bed, leaving her in it and then getting up and leaving her to clean it all up without mentioning it.

Shitting the bed is another problem for binge drinkers.

Thank you all again - I can't really respond any further until I have spoken to him but this post succinctly covers my views so thank you.

I have NO idea what his response will be as he is literally acting like nothing happened, even asked if it had dried out ok...?? Which could turn out to be BOLD brass neck but time will tell. If he admits he knew and STILL asked me that afterwards I may not be responsible for my actions...

And apologies to those offended by my use of the word piss etc, having cared long term for both parents with Alzheimer's and then MND, I understand continence issues very well, and no offence intended at all.

Ahh, sounds like he's trying to cover for himself and get away with it.

I'd be honest with him and say "it didn't dry ok. It's stale urine, Dave. It smells quite a lot and I'll have to ask you for the money to replace the mattress" that way you're staying your case without getting emotion involved. Ultimately you need reimbursing for the damage he's done.

I'm getting vibes he's trying to suss out how much you know and go from there.

As a teen I struggled with incontinence due to disability as did many of my friends. Not offended by the word piss at all.

This is a 50 year old man. If he was already aware he had an issue that might cause incontinence then he should have been extra vigilant about a soaked through bed on his side in the morning. He got up and left. This is either a one off and surprising/unexpected to even him or he actively knew what he’d done and left it for OP.

In both these scenarios he pissed the bed. Figuratively and literally.

Good luck this evening OP! You’ve absolutely got this. I can’t believe he’s asked if it dried up?? I’d be tempted to say “No! I’ve had to wash all the sheets, but we will talk about that later!” But then you dont want to give him a heads up

I'm totally missing the point of the thread but I'm so amused by all the posts carrying on about the daughter meeting the bloke.

She's thirty fecking two!!🤣🤣🤣

Long time ago, I had a boyfriend and we went to a party which involved quite a lot of alcohol. In the morning I found out that he pooped into a washing basket instead of toilet. He literally took a shit on my clothes. I could not comprehend how someone is so drunk that doesn’t realise he is sitting on the square wicker basket and not a loo. Anyway he admitted afterwards that he is on medication which should not be mixed with alcohol. Let’s just say the relationship didn’t last long but years later I’m still mourning the loss of my favourite shirt he shat on!

You sound like a good woman who deserves a good man. It takes strength to confront the situation rather than run without considering all the facts. Your giving him the opportunity to talk which will enable you to run with no regrets if afterwards that's your decision.

I agree he's trying to suss it out,
Did it dry OK, no it didn't it stinks!

Get him in the bin.

I agree that his response should be the deciding factor.
If he knew this happens/happened but didn't warn your or attempt to mitigate it and then just ignored it in the morning hoping you would clean it all up & be too awkward to mention it, then that's a big no in my opinion.
If he didn't realise and is apologetic etc, offers to help pay for a mattress clean then that's a better sign.
I am very wary of this because my friends roommate had a ons with a guy at university who it turned out regularly did this when drunk and therefore couldn't bring girls back to his own bed because it was ruined but happily went to theirs and just left early in the morning and ghosted them after ruining their mattresses. Hopefully your partner is more mature than that...
I do also have a friend who's husband did this when very drunk, but she loved him so they just invested in very good mattress protectors etc.
There's an element to 'in sickness & health' to it, I've vomited all over my husbands bed back when we were just dating and I was way too drunk, he cleaned me and the bed up, put me back to sleep on the dry side and let me sleep whilst he sat on the floor holding a bucket in case I threw up again.
I think there's a bit of a stigma around incontinence.