New Partner Wet the Bed

[NewManIssue]

That’s it, basically.

I met someone about a month ago and it has been fantastic really good fun no issues at all, we’ve done absolutely loads together, met friends of each other and an adult child, and have lots of planned.

He came over yesterday afternoon because we were both off work and we went out for a walk had a few drinks. He made us some food. We had a few more drinks and we were both pretty drunk, I will admit.

The morning when I went over to give him a hug as the alarm was about to go off the bed was soaking, I presumed with sweat…no particular smell at this stage.

I left my bed open to air with a view to stripping the sheets after work, however when I went back in there the whole room reeked of urine and there was a huge stain and it has gone through my mattress topper and my mattress is still soaking wet as are the pillows.

I’ve never experienced this before, Although I know it can be something some men do when they are drunk…

I feel like it’s something I need to speak to him face-to-face about which I could probably do tomorrow when he finishes work at about 9:30pm but otherwise I’m unlikely to see him for a few days.

I feel a little awkward. I don’t want him embarrass him however surely it’s not the first time even if this is the first time with me since I’ve known him.

It’s not a dealbreaker initially, however if it’s a regular thing, it’s definitely a dealbreaker. I think I’m just gonna have to say, I had to sleep on the sofa tonight…the bed was still wet and it wasn’t sweat - which we initially assumed…

If anyone can give me any advice or have experienced this, please shout!

Bloody typical it has been going amazingly well, For the first time in my life, I’m with a man who is more keen on me than I am him (guards up still 🤣)

I think you're wrong actually.

I think you're trying to see something that isn't there.

I'm seeing a lot of man Vs women equality top trumps on Mumsnet recently. This isn't the case here at all.

I honestly believe that on Mumsnet men are treated far far worse and given far less leniency than women to the point of total misogyny sometimes.

Can we give all this "what if it was a man/woman " stuff a break? It derails threads and acts as a distraction. An unnecessary one.

Urgh! If you know or suspect you might piss the bed at 50 then you don’t drink loads and then sleep over in someone else’s bed. He’s not 7 at cubs camp! I cannot believe the low, low bar some women have for men’s behaviour.

If he has a medical issue or stress he owes it to op and himself to not drink and not stay the night. If he’s an alcoholic then he should have said to op and gave her the opportunity to choose whether she wanted to continue a relationship with an alcoholic, not find out knee deep in piss in her own bed.

Of course he’s more into you than you are him- he thinks you’ll put up with this pisstake behaviour that most women (with the exception of some posters on this thread) would run a mile from!

Are you seriously suggesting this?

Don't you think when he woke up he would have realised what he had done and should have immediately apologises and offered to buy a new mattress?

What appallingly low standards you have.

Some women have very low standards is all I can say.

OP he won’t admit it, he’ll gaslight you into believing it was sweat. No doubt you’ll be convinced.

There's just no way he didn't realise he was covered in his own piss! It sounds like there was loads of it.

In my Uni days I twice woke up in my own piss, not proud of it, but you KNOW.

All this shallow crude talk of "piss" and derogatory language. My DGF had a brain tumour and used to wet the bed after seizures and my DGM often was laundering and hanging out sheets (she continued to sleep with him in the same bed as she loved him and wanted to be with him ) . Bed wetting in adults isn't always just the behaviour of "alcoholics". It's just worth remembering on threads like this when talking in degrading language that there are people reading it who have loved ones with conditions that can't help "pissing" themselves or the bed and it's not helpful to snigger and use awful language around a very, very, embarrassing problem. It's worth remembering.

I'm sorry for your GF and your GM was lovely to care for him but that's got fuck all to do with a man who pissed the bed of a woman he's in early stages of dating then left her to clean it up.

If anyone can give me any advice
If you insist it's not a deal-breaker to be with a man who's not toilet-trained (even though toddlers and dogs are), I guess my advice would be to buy him adult diapers.

Good luck.

I take it all back @CanYouTurnItDown

It really doesn't make sense does it?!
That doesn't entirely surprise me.

It's a bit like a caption competition!

I've wet the previously...

mentioned pissy, but now freshly laundered sheets with my bandy net after pond dipping.

Is that better?

It sounds very much like a sweat problem as opposed to pee. How on earth would urine get up on the pillows? Sweat when dried also stains and smells. He would have to have nerves of steel to stand in front of you having peed in your bed and lead you to believe it's sweat. Maybe cut him some slack until its properly investigated.

I get that.

But what I'm saying is there's a lot of language surrounding the degradation of adult bed wetting. I'm just pointing out that not all adults that wet the bed are alcoholics and it's probably very upsetting to read some of these comments on it. All the "ewwwww" and "piss" talk.

I'm just pointing it out.

It's not sweat. Don't be silly, it's easy to smell the difference apart from anything.

I dated an full blown drink until unconscious everyday alcoholic (albeit only for a short time and I didn't know as I met him on probably the only sober day of his life) and he did that.

Its not something men in general do 'when drunk'. I have known and cared for many long term alcoholics that never did this. It takes full on 'blackout' drunk level to be like that (same level where you have to roll them to stop them choking on vomit so it could be worse if you woke up next to a body).

Either he has medical incontinence (but would likely not have not said anything previous, would be prepared and would likely not have slept completely through it) or he was more than just 'pretty drunk'.

He pissed the bed when he was drunk and pretended it didn’t happen. He doesn’t deserve sympathy. He’s not unwell.

Fuck that. He's an adult who left another adult to sleep in a bed he had polluted. If anyone ever deserved to be humiliated, he does.

I get it. But it was a one off (from what the OP knows) there's a lot of jumping to conclusions.

Usually with addicted drinking there Is very much signs. Smelling of booze before the real drinking starts happening, depression/anxiety, being "flakey" turning up late or not at all, blood shot eyes, often poor or chaotic family or friend relationships, only wanting to do things that centre around booze or pubs.

The op has said there's been no other red flags.

He didn't drink and think "I'll drink so much that I'll piss my partner's bed and then run away "

If this was a second occasion or there were other red flags as mentioned above , I'd be singing a different tune.

🚩 from me.

Ex partner used to do this.

Then I learned that he had been jailed for GBH and threatening to kill an ex girlfriend.

Years ago but this thread has bought it back to me.

Good luck with your chat, OP.

Again, how does this explain the walking away leaving her with a urine soaked mattress? No way he didn’t realise he’d wet himself.

I think her comments on the amount of drinking, then the bed wetting is the much more logical answer.

Being in touch since, the promise of a big surprise, I think he knows this drill and is keeping his fingers crossed that she’ll just accept it.

I think the thing is that people with incontinence either discuss it with their partner or hide it.

I'm disabled and as a child struggled with bed wetting long past the other kids, at 8 year old I was deeply conscious enough to not sleep at others houses. It wasn't a surprise that crept up on me. I was also prepared with towels etc... (theres much better things available now).

As an adult I have far better control now but I also pee before bed and still have a virtually empty bladder still by morning. Taking no preventive measures, having a full bladder and peeing everywhere then lying in it for hours with no awareness is not a normal medical problem for someone functional enough to not need full time care.

The op was there and didn’t smell it was wee till later

Sorry for your experience, it must be a difficult thing to navigate your life around. But sounds like you've mastered it well.

I do understand fully what you're saying. I think it's more that this has happened once and there's no other red flags that signify a drink problem. There's a lot of posts that are instantly jumping to "alcoholic" and berating him.

What he done is undignified, mortally embarrassing and humiliating. He's probably dying of shame.

It's a bit like going on stage and falling over and then getting up and pretending it didn't happen. It's a knee jerk embarrassment reaction.

This is why my advice would be to say "I'll need a new mattress from you after last night" he knows, she knows, and saves the blushes. That way if he wants to say more he can without feeling "attacked". How he responds will be very telling. If he coughs up the money straight away and apologises then that's a better outcome than ringing him and calling him a filthy alcoholic and going on a rant thats only going to lead to defensiveness.

Ultimately, regardless of whether this goes anywhere or not - the op needs reimbursing for a destroyed mattress. She's far more likely to get that by giving him a get out of jail free card by stating what she requires from him, without having to have a big showdown about it by telling him he pissed the bed (he knows already, as does she)

In that case, the person ought to be getting his health issues fixed before he even contemplates dating or sleeping in someone else's bed.

I also wondered how wee could possibly be on the pillows. Are you absolutely sure it wasn't sweat? Although in either case, I would still be fuming at someone making my bed soaking wet and leaving me to clean it up rather than apologising and stripping the bed.

I know it's not the same but I got my period when staying at DH's house when we were first dating and ended up staining the sheets and mattress. I was mortified but told him, cleaned the bed and mattress and apologised. It's not the act itself, even bed wetting could be a one off or medical issue but it's just leaving it for the other person to clean up that is unacceptable.

If a man is slightly erect when he pees it will shoot upwards. Men can pee very large volumes of liquid. It's totally possible for a man to pee over a large area on the bed including up as high as the pillow.

What?! He's an adult not a toddler!