New Partner Wet the Bed

[NewManIssue]

That’s it, basically.

I met someone about a month ago and it has been fantastic really good fun no issues at all, we’ve done absolutely loads together, met friends of each other and an adult child, and have lots of planned.

He came over yesterday afternoon because we were both off work and we went out for a walk had a few drinks. He made us some food. We had a few more drinks and we were both pretty drunk, I will admit.

The morning when I went over to give him a hug as the alarm was about to go off the bed was soaking, I presumed with sweat…no particular smell at this stage.

I left my bed open to air with a view to stripping the sheets after work, however when I went back in there the whole room reeked of urine and there was a huge stain and it has gone through my mattress topper and my mattress is still soaking wet as are the pillows.

I’ve never experienced this before, Although I know it can be something some men do when they are drunk…

I feel like it’s something I need to speak to him face-to-face about which I could probably do tomorrow when he finishes work at about 9:30pm but otherwise I’m unlikely to see him for a few days.

I feel a little awkward. I don’t want him embarrass him however surely it’s not the first time even if this is the first time with me since I’ve known him.

It’s not a dealbreaker initially, however if it’s a regular thing, it’s definitely a dealbreaker. I think I’m just gonna have to say, I had to sleep on the sofa tonight…the bed was still wet and it wasn’t sweat - which we initially assumed…

If anyone can give me any advice or have experienced this, please shout!

Bloody typical it has been going amazingly well, For the first time in my life, I’m with a man who is more keen on me than I am him (guards up still 🤣)

100% this. ^

Exactly. He's a total and utter pig. I have been drunk lots of times in the past when I was much younger. I have NEVER wet the fucking bed. Nope, not even whilst in a 'deep sleep.' 🙄

It's not just the fact he pissed the bed, it's also the fact that he couldn't be arsed to tell the OP, and offer to take off the sheets and put them through the washing machine. What do the apologists for this individual think a man would do if he shared a bed with a woman for the first time and she pissed the bed?

Yeah, let that sink in!

(CLUE! She'd be dumped!)

Honestly, why would ANYone encourage the OP to stay with this man? He sounds disgusting! 😖

Bin him @NewManIssue

Ewww. He must have known. Thats rank.

Vile … absolutely vile… even if it was sweat which it wasn’t … he should’ve stripped the sheets himself. Ok, he may have a medical condition or whatever and I’m pretty sure he knew straight away. It’s just the fact that he just left you to it is an absolute dealbreaker. This man will walk all over you and will leave you to pick up the pieces.

I'm torn with this one. I can't imagine wetting the bed and not being aware that I'd done so.

You'll be able to judge from his reaction whether he knew. If he did, then he needs to go. He left you to clear up.

If he didn't know and this is a one off/first time, he should be mortified and offering to buy you a new mattress.

I have no experience as to whether this is common with men after drinking, I've been married to DH for over 30 years and it's never happened to either of us. I've never heard of it happening to anyone I know but maybe it's the sort of thing that's never discussed?

"While I totally get those of you saying it’s only been a month and to throw this one back, I’m going over to speak to him this evening, rest assured if there is any inkling that he knew it happened or that he knew it could potentially happen, I am walking away without a backward glance".

You are going over there this evening?. You sound like some sort of mother figure.

Talking to him about what led up to this ie his drinking will be a complete waste of time. He has a high tolerance to alcohol and has not wanted to explain nor apologised to you about this.

No second chances; it is bad enough that this happened once and he is no example of a man to be seen by your adult DD either.

Walk away and now without a backwards glance. Raise your bar and boundaries a lot higher than they are currently. Do also read Women who love too much by Dr Robin Norwood.

I think if a woman posted and said she’d been with a new partner and accidentally wet the bed the responses would be somewhat different.

however, OP I think you are doing the right thing, speak to him, see what he says and take it from there

The woman would be mortified and would strip the bed, @Chocbuttonsandredwine , that is the difference.

Did this hypothetical woman get up and leave the house without mentioning it, cleaning or offering to replace the ruined mattress?

There is no way he didn't notice it in the morning. I would ask him to replace the mattress and pay for the drycleaner for the matress cover and bedding set. It would also give me that 'ick' thing pretty much straight away, and I can't see the relationship covering after that.

Some posters have such a lack of basic critical thinking, it's embarrassing. It's about the lack of reaction from him, not about the fact he's a man.

I agree. I'm astonished anyone would think this might be acceptable, ever

It may have never happened before or it may have and he's not been honest. Bed wetting in adults is usually a medication condition - can be an over active bladder, kidney/bladder stones or be a prostate issue. Regardless if it's a one-off or not, your partner needs to see a Doctor. An adult would need to drink a huge amount, for this to just be down to alcohol or 'too much liquid'. Considering the fact your partner is 50, then it's entirely possible it's prostate issues. Bed wetting in adults isn't normal and needs investigating.

As others have said, a woman would not have fucked off out and left the pissy sheets and piss ridden mattress for the MAN to sort out. And as I said earlier, SHE would have been dumped.

@NewManIssue my dh did this once.
It was a combination of drink (not that much) and stress.
Sadly, he got up to go to toilet and turned left instead of right. He pee'd on my dd's bed 😳. Thankfully she was in with me and he was in the spare room.
I was raging and he was mortified and even though he has drunk that amount since, he has never done it again. I truly put it down to immense stress + alcohol.

The fact he wet himself, he may have a valid reason which doesn't include being drunk.
It's that he left it to you to clean that is repulsive. No way would you not notice you woke up covered in wee. You'd stink for one.

I don't think some people understand how it feels to be utterly mortifyingly embarrassed (which he's going to be ) the level of utter shame would be humiliating beyond belief. It's likely a "fight or flight". It doesn't make it ok to ruin his partner's bed or not rectify it. But this is the same day that op posted.

That's why if open it up with "I need you to fund a new mattress after last night, Dave" that way he knows why, you know why and he rectifiers and has his blushes spared.

Everyone is jumping to "alcoholic" but the op has no suspicions of that at the moment.

This could be a ghastly humiliating mistake after a heavy night together involving booze.
Not great. But not earth shattering (if he compensates you for his mistake)

Please can people read all of the OP’s updates at the very least before commenting on things that have been covered multiple times yesterday.
She has said he’s 50.
Lots of people have said he must have known.
The daughter bit has been clarified and people that misunderstood have apologised.
Shes talking to him tonight.

Also you don’t have to comment to ‘place mark’ there is a bookmark option in right hand of every post (three dots) that you can activate and when you come back to the thread it takes you to that bookmark (the last thread you read).

Also I think if he thought he had sweated enough to make the bed wet that’s still gross and required an apology and offer to strip the bed.

Placemarking.

(Sorry, couldn't resist.)

Is he a copper? PC Pants

Well of course they would. People would hardly be telling her to dump herself, would they? They'd no doubt be telling her she was disgusting to have left the guy with the mess, to stop drinking and to accept her relationship would likely be over and to make sure never to put herself in that situation again. There may be some kindness and sympathy that she'd messed things up, but I doubt you'd find a single poster reassuring her that the man should give her a chance. Because, frankly, what man would unless he was also a problem drinker?
Overlooking disgusting behaviour from 'poor men' who accidently throw enough drink down their throats they become incontinent, then leave you to it because 'they're mortified, bless them' so give them a chance, tends to be something only ever expected of women. Boot on the other foot, the man would be out of there like a rat from a trap, not getting advised by other men to be kind.

A friend of mine briefly dated a girl who did this every single time she had a drink. Apparently it’s a thing with some people (women as well as men) and they don’t necessarily have to drink excessively. But most people who have it are sufficiently embarrassed about it to just not drink. My friend dumped the woman he dated because it happened twice and she didn’t seem to think it was reasonable to just not drink alcohol.

The fact that your boyfriend said nothing makes me wonder if this was actually the first time it had happened, though, and that he was incredibly embarrassed. If it was a problem he’d had before you’d have thought he’d be wary of drinking or would have explained.

And surely if he was mortified with embarrassment and just wanted to get far...far away, then he will just ghost OP and never be heard from again? If this had truly never happened before then he would more likely have been baffled and wanted to discuss why it might have happened (possibly for reassurance)? The getting up, 'oh, I'm sweaty' and leaving with no offer to help clear up after the 'sweaty night' is the real kicker.

You don't want to embarrass a man that pissed in your bed and then woke up and never said a word to you?

Of course you dump him.

What low standards you have.