New Partner Wet the Bed

[NewManIssue]

That’s it, basically.

I met someone about a month ago and it has been fantastic really good fun no issues at all, we’ve done absolutely loads together, met friends of each other and an adult child, and have lots of planned.

He came over yesterday afternoon because we were both off work and we went out for a walk had a few drinks. He made us some food. We had a few more drinks and we were both pretty drunk, I will admit.

The morning when I went over to give him a hug as the alarm was about to go off the bed was soaking, I presumed with sweat…no particular smell at this stage.

I left my bed open to air with a view to stripping the sheets after work, however when I went back in there the whole room reeked of urine and there was a huge stain and it has gone through my mattress topper and my mattress is still soaking wet as are the pillows.

I’ve never experienced this before, Although I know it can be something some men do when they are drunk…

I feel like it’s something I need to speak to him face-to-face about which I could probably do tomorrow when he finishes work at about 9:30pm but otherwise I’m unlikely to see him for a few days.

I feel a little awkward. I don’t want him embarrass him however surely it’s not the first time even if this is the first time with me since I’ve known him.

It’s not a dealbreaker initially, however if it’s a regular thing, it’s definitely a dealbreaker. I think I’m just gonna have to say, I had to sleep on the sofa tonight…the bed was still wet and it wasn’t sweat - which we initially assumed…

If anyone can give me any advice or have experienced this, please shout!

Bloody typical it has been going amazingly well, For the first time in my life, I’m with a man who is more keen on me than I am him (guards up still 🤣)

Wow, such harsh comments! He is probably mortified about this , if he knew this post was on here you would definitely be dumped . If it was a woman who had done this the replies would be mostly sympathetic.

He may not realise what he has done and he may have genuinely thought it was sweat. He may not be as bad as everyone here is making out!

Have you stayed at his and have you noticed any smells? If not then it was probably a one off and he is going to be very embarrassed when you speak to him about it.

I mean, if you mention it and he says oh yeah that happens sometimes then yes I would get rid. But if he is mortified I think you will be able to tell he had no idea.

Good luck

This thread has made me realise the importance of getting a good mattress protector.

As per my post, it's not so much that he pissed the bed. It's that he left without cleaning up. I can even understand being too embarrassed to immediately talk about it. But what about taking the bedding off, chucking them in washing machine, start ir then go. Then immediately texting an apology, may be send flowers on top if he can afford it. It's the lack of a reasonable proactive action on his part that I'd unreasonable and unfair to op.

If it happened to a woman theres much more likelihood they would admit to it, apologise and offer to sort a new mattress. Some men have a right brass neck.

To be fair most women would likely have cleaned up or at least stripped the bed. And of not, my response would have been the same: that she should have stripped bed, chuck in washing machine, and apologise even if by text

My husband did this once and once only in 22 years of marriage. We were in our early 20's and I'd been with him since we were 14. After a not particularly heavy night out, he woke up the next morning and woke me up to tell me he'd wet the bed, he was horrified. We didn't know why, but assumed maybe he dreamt he'd gone to the toilet and had done it in the bed by accident. Never ever happened again, even when he was far more intoxicated! Maybe this WAS the first time it's happened?

If replacing the mattress though I'd be staying at his for a long while, just to make sure before I let him in my bed again!

Well there's no helping some folk. It's not give us a clue 😂

It's always lovely to see a bit of Jeff though.
Can't have enough of Goldblum. That's what I always day. He'd understand me.

Haha nobhead - me that is!

Someone reported me a few weeks back for saying hysterical woman on MN, must be peri!
Well I was talking about myself but still got a warning 🤣

That is why I have made everything crystal clear for you.

Not the same thing at all. Most adults are continent. This isn't even stress incontinence. This sounds like alcohol problem, my ex partner did this as a result of heavy drinking. The OP says that she is going to hear him out, he may just deny it ever happened. It is not a dignified way to live.

Oh no. You’ve just unlocked a memory of my poor, completely high on cat tranquilliser cat falling asleep on me/my bed an peeing all over me. Not a good memory…

poor cat was however high as a kite when she feel asleep and very scared due to being in a new place.

I personally really would have more sympathy with OP‘s partner (manfriend? Boyfriend? Lover?) if he had told her!

This is so disgusting. Can't believe the number of posters feeling sorry for this guy. He didn't even bother to put the sheets in the wash and left it for you to deal with? And you are considering staying with this prince, who you've been with for a month? You really want to get yourself some higher standards.

Day/Say

Potato/Motato

Yeah dealbreaker here too

I don't understand posters saying a 50 year old man wouldn't know the difference between sweating heavily and pissing the bed. Surely it's the first thing you check in a new partner's bed with a quick whiff of the armpits. Surely the wet balls and sac, underwear, pubes when your pits and brow are dry is the giveaway!

OP wouldn't have known as it would have been mainly under him. It would be drenched under him to get to the mattress. He didn't even comment on it which he would have if it was sweat.

I despair that a middle aged man can piss the bed to to the point of seepage to a mattress after a few dates, ignore it, leave the woman to wash up and the response if 'poor little lamb, he doesn't know/he's embarrassed/he's sick etc etc'. If he'd done this in a male friend's house he'd immediately get called a dirty bastard and be banned from staying over, in a hotel he'd pay a penalty for damage, but in a woman's house she will play detective and therapist to deep dive his intentions and medical history. This is why this man is even keener now to date OP - he knows she's not the type to call it out and he can BS her with some sorry ass excuse.

Op don't ask him WHY he pissed the bed, ask him why he left you to clean up. Tell him you thought it was unacceptable behaviour and you're not looking to be a carer at this age. Let him feel the anxiety and stress instead of you worrying how to come across reasonable.

The love of your life isn't going to have you on MN querying why he pissed your bed and bounced. Imagine a life where you have to smell damp patches forever more to figure out if piss or sweat because mandem doesn't know.

Place marking for update . Had scrolled to end hoping for denouement!

YYYDlilah’s on a roll here. 🤣

Be gentle? Fuck that. If he was embarrassed he'd have stripped the bed and paid for damage. Get rid of him.

Dealbreaker. How disgusting and vile. Throw this one back @NewManIssue

I'm another who suspects that he might be a very high tolerance alcoholic who was a lot drunker than you realised. I've served people in the shop where I work who have been queuing up as the shop opened, bought a bottle of wine, took it outside and downed the lot, putting the bottle into the bin and then headed off to work. They've looked like normal businessmen and women off to work in their suits but they clearly have a problem and I wonder if your bloke might be one of these.

The love of your life isn't going to have you on MN querying why he pissed your bed and bounced.

🤣😂😂😂💯

Good update OP.
Glad to see you've still got a sense of humour.

In the time you've been seeing him, have you slept overnight together before?
If so, this is a new 'experience'!

He may not have known he did it, to be fair.

Decades ago, when he was in his 50s, my dad peed up the wall in the hall at night. (I'd left home at that point but my Mum told me!) He hardly drank - a couple of pints once a week with his mates.

He'd been in a deep sleep and instead of turning right to the loo, he turned left against the wall.

She was mortified by the smell in the morning, he knew nothing about it. Obviously he got a real ear-bashing.

I agree he's not a partner after a month and it's hard to find a label when you're both middle aged. I'd still be inclined to say 'my boyfriend' or 'someone I'm seeing'.

Why is it so hard to understand that if someone wets the bed in a deep sleep, they don't realise?

OP has already explained it was a very hot night so even if he knew the bed was damp he may have assumed it was sweat.

but in a woman's house she will play detective and therapist to deep dive his intentions and medical history.
^^
This is why this man is even keener now to date OP - he knows she's not the type to call it out and he can BS her with some sorry ass excuse.
^^
Op don't ask him WHY he pissed the bed, ask him why he left you to clean up.

@renoleno Agree with all this.

OP's response will tell him just how much he can exploit and abuse her going forward.

I'd also be very interested in hearing what his previous partners had to say.

Well I wouldn't want to continue sleeping with someone who pissed the bed. It's not as if he's a long term partner who has deteriorated.

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