No Children at weddings AGAIN!!!!

[cathers]

Can't believe it. Opened the post this morning to find wedding invite number 3 for this summer. Yet again 'UNFORTUNATELY NO CHILDREN ALLOWED!' stipulated.

That now means that for three weekends in may and June we will have to choose between the wedding of 3 close family / friends or finding a babysitter for 12 hours at a time!All weddings are over 150 miles away.

Is this the current vogue to have adult only weddings? Personally find that some weddings without kids can be stuffy and v formal. Much prefer old fashioned celebratory sort! Any one else finding this?
What are you doing?

oh, and Anne, I have a sneaky feeling that you won't want to go to a wedding with a month old - or potentially less if you go overdue. it would have been my idea of hell!!! the drive alone would have ruled it out for me.
why not have your mum to stay anyway and enjoy some time with her and let dp go on his own. also might it be the bride who is saying no to your LO not dps friend?

kids can double the cost of your wedding
Hence why we're not married yet
40 adults 82 kids
go figure frigging mad Irish bunch of family on both sides....
We are going to brothers wedding in Oz in October, its no kids but they invited ours
However due to insane cost and timing I'm going alone
And could not be happier!!!!

At our wedding we had a bouncy castle, lots of toys, and 6 teens with babysitting certificates who all got presents for 'helping out' with littl'uns - not exactly a creche, more a tribe of kids aged 6 months to 17 years who charged around the garden full pelt all day. We kept it to daytime (ceremony 11am, lunch 12:30, all over by 5pm) so that kids could be included. We were lucky that my parents have a big house & garden for the reception. But even with no venue to book, the wedding cost us £14k (5 years ago). It would have been a lot cheaper if we'd excluded kids, (or included them but not made any provision for them, which I think is even worse in some ways) but then it wouldn't have been the type of wedding we wanted. So I understand why people do make that choice - it's very expensive. We were lucky that we had the sort of wedding we did - it was a very happy day for everyone.

Have to say, we haven't enjoyed taking DS to anyone elses wedding. They never seem to be in very child-friendly venues and DS isn't the sort of kid who sits still & keeps quiet. Last wedding we went to we left DS with GPs and had much more fun...

Have been reading this thread with interest....

Lots of the 'pro child free' are missing the point(s) somewhat.

Weddings are expensive to attend as well as host (although as people have pounted out you can get married for under a hundred quid.)

Many people will be offended if an invitation to their wedding is declined, and lots of people (myself included who really doesn't like attending weddings) don't actually want to upset people they like/care about. Due to this my mother who herself lives 200 miles away and works full time is already 'booked' to babysit for two whole weekends so far this year and will probably have to give up a few more before the years out.

Also, again myself included, dont have easy access to child care at the weekends. I have no family locally and I am not comfortable to leave my DS with someone outside of my family.

Also, to be honest, if I am going to have a day/ night weekend 'off' then I would prefer to get away just myself and my DP, not attend a wedding, which as a previous poster or two has so eloquently put it is not about 'the guests' but about the bride and groom, end of story.

Hence geting invites to 'child free' weddings does cause a certain amount of difficulty and it also makes me sad.

Children are part of society and are our future (whether we all have them or not).

In other countries we would be laughed at for our uptight picture perfect ideas of what marriage is all about.

I must admit APM, I would love to be going away somewhere other than a wedding with dh this weekend. My parents are taking the kids to legoland, and the couple getting married have been giving my dh such a lot of grief. I might start my own thread.....

LOL Lazarou I reckon i would rather go to Legoland with my Ds than attend a wedding, but then maybe I am weird!!

It makes me laugh that a baby/ child could ruin someone's vows. What do you people do if someone sneezes or has a coughing fit at the vital moment? Have them ejected?

I only have 3 cousins and they have all got married in the last few years. First one was no kids- even teenagers They were allowed to the evening so we had to leave them alone all day then go all the way home to get them and all the way back again (20+ miles each way)

The other 2 got married in NZ a couple of months ago. Both of their weddings were lively and joyous. Lots of kids, old people and everyone in between. They were fab and DD (11 months) didn't spoil anyone's Big Day.

We had about 80 people to our wedding 25 years ago, including a baby who screamed all the way through my dad's speech. Did it spoil it? No. When we watch the video back it always makes people smile.

Yeah, we'd rather go to legoland as well. These are dh's friends that are getting married, they're usually alright. I don't know, maybe it's wedding nerves or something, but they've both turned into whining gitbags.

So true about wedding costing a fortune for guests. For DH's neice's do we've bought a pressie (Oxfam unwrapped), we'll have to stay 2 nights really (wedding at 11am and it's a long drive) so that will cost a lot, tank full of petrol, some new clothes needed. But the DCs are not just tolerated but seen as an essential part of the process, so we can take them with us secure in the knowledge that they won't be seen as a pita and a nuisance and they bride and groom want them there. So it's much better and easier for us.

Advicepleasemums, sorry but your post just reads like this:

"me, me, me, me, me"

Magicmuffin,

i don't think my post reads like that at all, I was merely pointing out that if you have children it is not always easy/possible to 'off load' them in order to attend a wedding (or any other function)

People do not invite people to their wedding out of the goodness of their hearts in my experience, they want people to witness their 'big day' and something back and there is an unspoken expectation that you will do your best to attend, on the terms of the invite

ie

no kids

paying for (often expensive) accomodation

hen nite/stag weeked

gift/ dobation towards honeymoon

travel long distance

etc etc

so its about them them them really, isnt' it?

Every single guest at our wedding was invited because they were important to us and we wanted to celebrate with them. And there were 120 of them.

Adviceplease, why do you go when you hate weddings so much? Yes, people might want you to be there, but they'd probably you rather didn't if you see it as such a chore for you to go.

It's not compulsory, just decline.

I don't hate weddings, i was merely pointing out that I think when inviting people to your wedding you should have some consideration for your guests. Yes still have 'your day' but bear in mind that people will probably not want to let you down and if you start saying no kids etc that will have implications for them.

I can fully understand if you are an older couple perhaps with grown up kids then it would be possibly more appropriate to stipulate no kids, but if the majority of your guests will have small kids and particularly if you are having a weekend wedding then what the hell are people suppoosed to do with their CHILDREN!!!!!

Perhaps a solution is to only invite people
without kids or go abroad and have a select few there?

Why is it better to only invite people without kids though? What about all the people (tons of them on this thread) who would rather come without their DC? Just not invite them to make it easier for people like you?

You're perfectly within your rights to turn down an invite if the "no kids" bit makes it hard for you. Stand up for yourself a bit.

Lots of people on this thread don't agree with this stance, also, and I hate to make sweeping generalisations but I bet a lot of those who would jusmp at the chance probably jump at any chance to leave their kids at home.

I don't need to stand up for myself, I will accept the invite if I am able to, suffer the fall out/ disappointment if I am not and will continue to feel that if people are narcisitic (or tight) enough to want to exclude kids at their wedding then fine, but what goes round comes round, I bet they will be the first to complain when they start a family.

But just because you don't have babysitters your can or want to call on, it's not the some for everyone APM. I'd have no problem finding someone to have dd, nor would any of my friends.

And, like MM says, at my wedding people commented how nice it was to have a day out without the children.

Plus loads of people were local to us, there was no travelling for them, no need to stay in hotels (and some of those who did camped or stayed in cheap B&Bs).

And if anyone had not been able to come it would have been "that's a shame" but no biggie. There was certainly no expectation on our part for people to be there, wear expensive outfits, buy us a gift or even come to our stag/hen do's (which were a night in the pub).

It's not one size fits all.

we stipulated no kids at our wedding- reason being,my parents paid for it all, and they could only afford a certain amount- we had s it-down lunch in a very nice hotel for 30 guests, many very elderly, and it would have been totally inappropriate for young children.

At the time though many of my friends were child-free so no probs.

I think you have to respect the couple's wishes- it's their day- you see your kids every day but the wedding is their one special day- they can invite who they like! TBH I have been to weddings where kids have ruined it- screaming and crying through the service etc and parents too dim to think of taking them out of church.

I must have a very small circle of friends, I have only been to three weddings since I had kids, and dd was bridesmaid in all of them.

I just can't get my head around excluding children from weddings. Marriage is a legal institution whose main function socially was/is supposed be to encourage having kids and protect family life, and pass down a message to children that marriage was a celebration and a joyous occasion.

No wonder less and less people are getting married, its just a commercialised, staged party.

Yes i know people get married for all sorts of reasons these days but particularly those getting married in a church for goodness sakes, what will it be next, christenings with childrens excluded, FUNERALS with children excluded (wouldn't want to interfere with all the mourners!)???

Sorry, I know as has been pointed out that its not one size fits all but there is a distinct move towards excluding kids from weddings that has gained momentum over the last five or ten years, and I'm sorry but it stinks.

adviceplms- don't you think you are trying to impose your views on other people, when it is a PERSONAL choice?

Since when was a marriage a means to encourage/teach other people's children about the benefits etc of marriage?

I think you are ignoring the reasons why people say no children- cost is a significant factor, as is type of venue etc. Many people say no kids as if they invite one family with children, they have to invite all children, and it can be VERY expensive. So it is fairer to say none.

I don't know why you feel so strongly about it, TBH.

As I said before, babies and small children ( under 9s) can make weddings hell if parents don't keep them quiet- and many don't.

Why should a couple have their service ruined by thoughtless parents? it can and does happen- been there!

I can't see why the OP felt the need to post, TBH. I have been to weddings that said no children and I didn't give it a 2nd thought- had to get my mum to travel 250 miles to babysit, but if he couldn't have, we wouldn't have gone. I certainly wasn't miffed- it's their choice.

I understand this is a personal preference and generally I don't really think about it but now a family wedding is looming and I keep seeing this threads.

at my wedding we did have children, mostly family, it was a small affair with a sit down lunch at a nice hotel the kids run around made speeches at it was all quite fun.

I would just not go to a wedding where kids would not be invited, mainly because I imagine it would not be the kind of wedding I am likely to enjoy.

I guess it is all about that gazing into each others eyes for the magical moment of 'I do'
must not be disturbed by children

I would NEVER take an under 10 to a funeral, it is plain disrespectful to the mourners to have a baby screaming at a funeral, and it is to much for a child to cope with.

actually I disagree with the funeral point, particularly if it is family, death is part of life and I see no point in shielding children too much from it, of course they have to be prepared and able to cope at some level but having the chance to say goodbye is quite important

I never get invited to weddings so not that relevant to me (why dont; I get invited to wedding?!)

I agree with SFX though - saying goodbye is important if the person who died is close to you. Wouldn;t take a small child to a distant friend or family funeral but certainly would if it were someone they were close to. I can't imagine my family not wanting DS at a family funeral.