No Children at weddings AGAIN!!!!

[cathers]

Can't believe it. Opened the post this morning to find wedding invite number 3 for this summer. Yet again 'UNFORTUNATELY NO CHILDREN ALLOWED!' stipulated.

That now means that for three weekends in may and June we will have to choose between the wedding of 3 close family / friends or finding a babysitter for 12 hours at a time!All weddings are over 150 miles away.

Is this the current vogue to have adult only weddings? Personally find that some weddings without kids can be stuffy and v formal. Much prefer old fashioned celebratory sort! Any one else finding this?
What are you doing?

of course it's there call - but I've never been to a wedding ruined by a screaming child and I have been to many. I am probably not the best person to comment anyway as I find the'traditional' weddings tacky anyway. I think people take the'wedding' too seriously and spend money they cannot afford when what mattered to me more than anything was the 'marriage' (hence why our wedding consisted of me, dh and dc's! )

Not much of a friend, Anne - I suspect he won't be that important to your DH in the future largely because of this. I'd stop at home if I was you - your DH can go by himself. That way you can afford a really tacky present too (eg Beatrix Potter otter ).

I hate weddings.

I would prefer to find an excuse to get out of going to weddings these days myself.

And often enough, the kids prove handy .

My little sis is getting married in 3 weeks - my DD1 (age 6) is giving her away (don't ask dysfunctional family), and my DD2 (age 4 months) is flower girl be a bit difficult to exclude them - she made a point of inviting all the kids of her friends and they ALL won't/can't come

oooh expat xpost that must be reason

Problem is that I'm already the "big bad wolf" because DP isn't going on the stag weekend... to Europe for 3 days when I'm over 8 months pregnant. Not that unreasonable I would have thought, but....!
Feel that if I don't make an effort for the wedding that will be perpetuated.

Groom is one of DP's best friends (yep, some friend!)... and he doesn't want to let him down. Have some sympathy for him - is hard to not be there for a close friend, even when they're being cr*p!

Expect DP's view will change when DS arrives, but at the moment DP (being a man) hasn't really thought about how that's going to change life!

Part of me (the highly cynical bit) suspects the no baby thing might be a silly reaction to the stag non-attendance.

On the upside - mum's thrilled... pleased at the prospect of quality time with her first grandchild!

Anne, mates fade when you have children - shit mates, that is. And this guy is a shit mate - I promise you. He doesn't deserve your DP by the sound of it. I would imagine the stag weekend (a three-day event - fucking hell and I can't tell you the drawn out sighing tedium way I am saying fucking hell here) is the reason for the snide non-attendance of baby thing.

If your DP was really good mates with him - equal, like - he'd have been able to challenge this - although if they really were good mates, it wouldn't be an issue because they'd never have banned his child!

hunker speaks words of wisdom.

Why thank you, EIS - I try (sometimes)

It's true though, Anne. This man will either realise he's being a shit once he has his own or never realise - either way, he's being a shit now.

three day stag weekend in Europe.

yeah, that speak volumes about the type of chap he is, tbh.

You know Anne, I would have thought it pretty unlikely that you will want to leave your newborn during the day, even returning to feed, if he/she is due to be born just a month before the wedding. Some people would be ok with it, and good for them, but not many people. And if you are BF then it is quite likely that the baby will be feeding very often at that time, and at unpredicatble times (ie not every 3 hours or whatever). I would be inclined to let everyone concerned know that it is very likely you will pull out nearer the time.

I was very unlucky with an awful birth and didn't even come out of hospital for 2 weeks, and was unsteady on my feet for weeks after. No way could I go to a wedding. It's not likely the same will happen to you but you will probably be completely knackered and TBH the wedding of this insensitive couple should be your last priority if you are.

When I remarried (the first one was paid for by Parents)We obviously paid for it all ourselves.As it was our wedding,I wanted it to be really special for my DH as he hadnt been married before,so we had it blessed in church and had Bridesmaids and Pageboys etc.Obviously it cost alot of money,and we had to be really scrupulous about what was spent and where.The meal was for 40 people in a nice hotel,and so there was a price per head for all the drinks and food.There was alot of people we would have liked to invite but stuck to very close family and friends.We only had close family's children because of the cost,we didn't want to offend anyone but this was the only way we could invite the people who were close to us.A couple of people didnt turn up on the day,maybe because their children werent coming,which made me angry,as it was such a waste of money,and obviously our friendship wasnt important to them,if we'd known they'd "shun" us like this we wouldnt have wasted an invite on them,and been able to invite people who were
more realistic and understanding!IMO

I don't quite 'get' why people feel that the entire family has a 'right' to go to a wedding, because weddings are 'family occasions' (and I'm being totally serious here)

Birthday parties are family events, I don't expect to be invited to parties that my kids have been invited to go to. V small breast fed babies aside, I don't really understand why people think that an invite for them must equate to an invite to several other people.

If people chose to invite them, fine, if not, fine, get a baby sitter or if you prefer don't go

Nursejo, how do you know they 'shunned you' because their children weren't invited? They may have had a very good reason for not being able to be there and yes, when you have children, sometimes things happen on the day and you can't tell anyone in advance. A couple of people were not able to get to my wedding but when we saw them afterwards, they were most apologetic and in fact had no reason to be, since they had both had pretty serius things go wrong on the morning. ( One had parent taken seriously ill and another had a major flood when the water tank in the loft overflowed).

As for inviting/not inviting children,when we married, our invites included partners and young children. They were all made to feel welcome and none of them spoiled our day! In fact, having young children around made it even more enjoyable, but maybe parents were more inclined to keep a check on children before behaviour got out of hand. I have to say though, that none of the children did anything that offended anyone else.

For ourselves, when our children were small, we did not accept adult only wedding invitations. We did not have anyone who could commit to looking after them for a whole day and evening or even longer if the wedding was not local. If people want a child free wedding that is their prerogative, just as it is mine to turn down the invite without being made to feel unreasonable or as if I am 'shunning' the bride and groom just because I choose not to accept their invitation. I understand that some people don't want children at their wedding, but they also have to understand that I may not want/be able to pay for babysitting etc on top of the new outfit, travelling expenses, overnight hotel stay and oh yes, the wedding present.

I wouldnt take my kids to a wedding. I want to enjoy myself, have a drink and relax.
In fact, next weekend we are going to a wedding and my parents are taking the kids to legoland. Although, Legoland does sound tempting, I've never been.

My BF is getting married in December and she wasnt sure whether to ask kids or not, 9 out 10 of us 9with DC) said NO kids as it is your day plus we all like to catch up/ dance and drink and is a day out for us.

We will be staying overnigt and have a lovely breakfast the morning after and the kids will have a great time as friends or granparents

JDT,In our case people come right out and say it,"if you don't invite the children,we wont come". Ofcourse I appreciate things happen on the day,but if someone could have let us know,we would have said to other friends,"last minute cancellations,would you like to fill their places?".One of our guests,a cousin didn't turn up on the day as her brother hadn't been invited!He had chosen to "lose" contact with the family for some years prior to our wedding.We would have loved all the children to come,but sometimes its just not feasible.If my children werent invited I would understand why.Weddings inevitably "upset" someone,however much you try not to.I know some people who's DD2 was invited to be bridesmaid and not DD1,they took offence as their DD1 was upset to be "left out".I'm sure that would cause lots of differences of opinion!! Maybe some can understand it,Brides perogative and all that,but if you are in that situation and one of your children are feeling hurt,I would imagine you'd be cross.

I went to a 'No children are invited' wedding yesterday. Under duress, one of DP's oldest friends. DS 3 months old and exclusively BF, went in between wedding & PIL's (luckily they live 5 mins away from reception) to feed him and stock up on cuddles.

Hadn't left him for more than 1hr before yesterday.

Was massively hard, not to mention a bit stressful.

Desparately hoping it bites them on the arse one day soon. Think it absolutely sucks and is horrid!

Sounds pretty horrible blondiep... you have my full sympathy.

I think (hope!) that when our DS arrives and DP's bleary-eyed and worn out from the sleepless nights, etc., DP will realise just how tough it's going to be trying to do that with a 1 month-old and will stand up to his "friend" on this.

Hunkermonkey & TheProvincialLady - thanks for the feedback... don't disagree with either of you, but I think DP needs time to get used to how his life's going to change with DS before he fully appreciates this!

It wasn't as bad as i thought , but there is no way i would have been able to do it with a 1 month old!!! Mind you, I didn't much leave the house with a one month old!!

My DP did his best to try and get his friend to bend on this but he wouldn't. It's hard i suppose, it's their day and didn't want to cater for 20 odd kids which i guess i can see and they thought they couldn't make an exception once or others would get annoyed. But I still feel a baby is totally different, and a BF one even more so.

I hope your DP's friend is more flexible than my DP's friend was!!

If he's not then you are well within your rights not to go. My money says no way will you want to leave your tiny one!! Your DP could still go couldn't he?

I think I'm just going to have to wait & see nearer the time.
I may well not go, but saying so at the moment will only cause unnecessary rows.

Not sure about DP going on his own - will have to see how we both feel about that once DS arrives. Am fairly sure DP's viewpoint on all this will change then.

I agree with your point about BF babies - while I have every sympathy for wedding couples on tight budgets, it's hardly as if a BF baby needs his own seat or the cost of a meal!
I can also understand the "children can be noisy & disruptive" viewpoint (some, not all, can be...), but saying "yes" to "certain children" but "no" to a tiny baby just stinks IMO!

Assuming we end up going, I must confess to being tempted to take the baby to the church part, regardless (the church being a public place...) - so it's just the afternoon reception where I'm dashing backwards & forwards.

haven't read all the posts but suprised that people take offence so easily. we had a child free wedding, for us the church ceremony was v important and i would have been very upset to have had any noise disrupting our vows. ime too many people think it is fine to allow little ones to run around churches or fail to leave when babies start crying. we had a barn dance in the evening (so not 'stuffy') it was very informal (apart from the service) and a really fun day - but definately 'grown up'. everyone said how much they enjoyed not having their children there. only one person didn't come because they were bf - but they were rather distant cousin who dh hadn't seen for ages! i wouldn't take my dd to a wedding - boring for her.