No Children at weddings AGAIN!!!!

[cathers]

Can't believe it. Opened the post this morning to find wedding invite number 3 for this summer. Yet again 'UNFORTUNATELY NO CHILDREN ALLOWED!' stipulated.

That now means that for three weekends in may and June we will have to choose between the wedding of 3 close family / friends or finding a babysitter for 12 hours at a time!All weddings are over 150 miles away.

Is this the current vogue to have adult only weddings? Personally find that some weddings without kids can be stuffy and v formal. Much prefer old fashioned celebratory sort! Any one else finding this?
What are you doing?

We invited all the kids - most of our friends had started producing by then. And we had a separate meal for them and it was nothing to do with wanting them out of the way! We did that so that the tinies, who wouldn't be able to cope with being separated from their parents, and in fact probably couldn't feed themselves, would be able to have their meal nicely during the champagne bit (which all kids find very boring unless they create total mayhem!) and their parents would still be able to eat their own meals - with tinies sitting with them if necessary. After the meal, the tables were moved and the older kids could play in there if they wanted.

We haven't been to that many weddings where kids have been invited though. It seems a shame sometimes, but of course there are occasions when it just isn't right for the bride and groom. We're going to one this summer but are lucky to have grandparents to mind DD and we're having a day off. But 3 weekends so close together is really tough.

"a small note on my invitation about parental responsibility"

good grief, be prepared for the backlash from that one!

I dont have strong opinions either way tbh. I think its up to the bride and groom how they want their wedding day to be whether thats kids or no kids.
DH's friend is getting married tomorrow, our smallest is only 12 weeks old and its a long way away so DH is going on his own (child free wedding)

Posie - I have to say that I would rather it said 'no children' on the invitation than say 'children must not speak or make a noise during the speeches' that sentence would put the fear of god in me that my dc's would ruin your wedding as they are 2yrs and 12 weeks and nothing on this earth would MAKE either of them be quiet for a length of time!!

i think weddings are family occasions and adult only weddings are common, as in low class and tacky. i would boycott

Their wedding, their choice. We decided to get married in central london rather than my hometown so we figured that the vast majority of people would be happy to get babysitters since most of our guests lived in london.
If we had invited children, it would have been 120 adults and 40 children. No reduction on the cost of children's meals and it would have been a children's party, not a wedding. I also fancied a dance at the end of the night with my mates who otherwise would have had to go home with their LOs.
It is the one day in your life when you should be able to do what you want, IMO. But, you can't be pissed off if people then say they can't come.

What makes them "low-class" and "tacky" then Cosima?

Because screaming toddler always bring a touch of decorum to any social event

Message withdrawn

I am just loving the sweeping and grandiose statements.
Child free weddings are low class and tacky.
All of them ?
so the one at the church we drove past the other day with the kids outside in track suits and the guests with tinies in hand was presumeably a local society affairs ?
I will look out for the notes in Harpers

My wedding was far from tacky or of low class

We had a GREAT day and nite without kids
It was our day not family or friends

One that we wanted to share with them but not one for them to dictate to us on how it should be

I agree with the fallen madonna. No-one has the right to dictate to another person their concept of what a wedding should be. If you like kids at weddings, then have children at your wedding, and if you don't then don't but no-one has got the right to dictate to other people that they should / should not have children at theirs!

I personally wouldn't have children at weddings myself, all too often I find them boring, so I think that the concept of making a small child sit around, bored out of their brain, being well behaved with not much to do all day completely inappropriate. And I know on the few occassions I've had to bring my daughter with me, it has always been a stressfull occasion, as she has just not got the ability to sit quietly for the hour long service, the hour and a half sit down meal whatever (no matter how many toys I take along!). Kids end up running around, messing about and imo spoiling the day for everyone else. Maybe I'm being a misery guts here, but even I get annoyed by other people's kids who mess around at weddings!

Final point, again someone else iterated it, but why do you expect that all invites have to include the whole family? When my eldest daughter gets a birthday invite, do I expect her sibling to be automatically invited too? No, because they are individuals and it is my eldest daughter who is the friend, not the youngest. Likewise, if I am invited to a wedding, should I expect my children to be invited too? No, not automatically (although it is nice if they are!) because often the bride is my friend, she is not friends with my children! We can accept the concept that we are individuals and so get invited individually to things, therefore it is perfectly acceptable for us adults to get invited to things without the kids... geez, some people will be demanding that their kids get invited to the hen party next!

So bringing me back to my original point... people can have whatever kind of wedding they like - if you like kids at weddings, then have them at your wedding, but this does not give anyone the right to say what other people should do at their weddings. If you don't like it, don't go but that doesn't give you grounds to moan or bitch about it. Just get over it.

Why do people get so on their high horse about this? DH and I married relatively late and if all our friends and family had brought their children there would have been about forty of them. That's a bloody primary class or two. We couldn't have the wedding we would have done had we met ten years before, ie 100-ish people in a London venue, because there just wasn't room for children. We compromised and had a small registry office do with nieces and nephews and one babe in arms followed by a party for everyone, including children. We were new parents and wanted to be child friendly. Frankly, I wish we had just done what we wanted.

My sister invited just 7 people (all adults0 to her wedding. Then had the gall to complain when her DS wasn't invited to someone else's wedding.

Aaaaagh, if we had invited kids to our wedding their would have been 50 of them, which would mean we could invite 50 less of our friends, and the place would have been like a fcking soft play centre with the number of kids there. And we would have had to pay £1000 to feed the children. I know that may sound like i'm a bit of a child hater but I'm not, I love kids, but it really riles me when people get all arsey about children not being invited. Perhaps they would like to cover the cost of hiring the largest venue in the world, and the approx £20 per head cost of feeding them? Oh, and while I'm on one, if it's so unacceptable to invite adults without their children does that mean I should never ever attempt to see adult friends again unless it's a day time affair with kids there too?

And relax.....

if you noticed I started my post with 'I think... ' Of course people can do what they like and no one should dictate, but, and call me a pedant, I think, means that this is my personal opinion, which if you ask questions on a world wide web internet site of unlimited numbers of strangers, surely you are expecting a wide range of other peoples opinions

Well, here's the update...
One wedding booked in diary.I explained the difficulties of finding care for 48hrs and thus us having to decline kind invitation. DS now invited.

Apologises for wedding 2 sent in post.
Apologises for wedding 3 sent - couple now upset and pissed off that we won't come simply because of the difficulties of finding childcare for 48 hours.
In words already expressed... Just get over it!

Well done cathers sounds like you have handled it all v well.

A question for all you ladies who have had enormous weddings. How come?

I'm not married but if I was I don't think I would want more than about 30 people there. Any more I think would just be fillers!

Maybe it's just me.

I guess each to their own!

WE had a hundred guests, 50 from which side and included 6 kids.
No problem with the children being invited. What did annoy us slightly was when DH invited his step aunt and uncle and 3 cousins, they contacted his parents and said that "the invitation does include M's girlfriend doesn't it? If she isn't invited then none of us will come to the wedding"

DH didn't any contact with his step cousin and did not know his girlfriend but felt that we had to "allow" her to come.
Glad she did though, as if there had been a prize for worst outfit of the day, she would have won it hands down.

Sorry for the slight hijack but just amazes me that what is meant to be a celebration nearly always seems to bring the worst out in people.

I was 31 when I married, my husband was 41. You collect a lot of people in your life by that age. He also had a big family. My parents insisted on having their dearest friends there and as they were paying we couldn't really veto all their additions to the list.

We invited small/nursing infants and family children and that brought in 12 children. If we had all our friends it would have been 40 children. A lot of my husbands' friends had three children apiece.

You have to draw a line in the sand somewhere.

Personally, there are times when I like child free anythings.

I don't understand the rage this question provokes. Don't go if you can't get babysitters.

Oops mistakes in last post, typing one handed as feeding dd2. (reason why we couldn't go to wedding as wasn't going to leave my bf'd dd for a day)

well bluejelly
I had 7 brothers and sisters and their partners ( and children), my parents, DH's parents and two sets of grandparents. that would have taken me past your 30.
So to avoid have a big wedding that would have meant no friends or much loved extended family. Hardly fillers
I had 70 something guest. And within that there were just a couple that were people invited because of protocol/family 'politic' rather than affection.

I don't think that is excessive

I don't get it either. I would rather leave my dcs at home than take them to a wedding. Where's the enjoyment in trying to keep 3dcs quiet during a wedding ceremony, amused during hours of photos/hanging around, getting them to sit at a table during the meal, keeping them quiet again during the speeches, then having to leave the evening reception early because they're tired, whingy and you haven't even been able to have a drink?

I would rather not go than have to take my dcs, to be perfectly honest.

If you can get a babysitter then get one and make the most of a child free night out.

If you don't know/like the people well enough to want to fork out for the babysitter then don't go.

I am really suprised so many of you say your dc's would be bored. My dc's love gatherings and eating out etc. I have lots of happy memories from when I was a child going to weddings, staying up late, dancing and eating lots! As for making noise in the church - what difference does that make? You can never hear what's being said anyway unless your sat at the front.

'As for making noise in the church - what difference does that make? You can never hear what's being said anyway unless your sat at the front. '

It does to the couple when they can't hear themselves speak over screaming child. Or their DVD is permanently marred by screaming children.

It's another person's party and if they don't want kids it's their call and if that means you can't go then don't.

Have a fair amount of sympathy for people who exclude kids from their weddings, but I think there's ways of doing things...
Am 5 months pregnant with our first DS and have a few weddings coming up, including one right before my due date.

Fortunately the couple in question are baby-friendly & more than happy for junior to come too if he makes an early arrival.

My DP's sister is getting married next year & has already decided no kids. Fair enough as she's applying that to everyone, including her own family.

The one that's really p**d me off is the couple getting married a month after DS due. DP is due to be an usher... and they have told us that "there is no room for the baby".
Charming.
We're talking a (probably breast-feeding) newborn here.
And it's not a "no kids" wedding either - they've got a bunch of family kids & friends kids going & have arranged a separate room for them.
Just seems really rude to me!

Net result is that we're having to fork out for my mother to come with us (it's 200 miles away so hotel costs too) & look after DS during the day so I can dash back & forth to feed DS.

Needless to say, will NOT be buying an expensive gift. Is going to cost us a fortune as it is.
Would love to not go, but really difficult as is very old friend of DP.
;-(