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Original poster

No Children at weddings AGAIN!!!!

322 replies

cathers · 16/05/2008 12:17

Can't believe it. Opened the post this morning to find wedding invite number 3 for this summer. Yet again 'UNFORTUNATELY NO CHILDREN ALLOWED!' stipulated.

That now means that for three weekends in may and June we will have to choose between the wedding of 3 close family / friends or finding a babysitter for 12 hours at a time!All weddings are over 150 miles away.

Is this the current vogue to have adult only weddings? Personally find that some weddings without kids can be stuffy and v formal. Much prefer old fashioned celebratory sort! Any one else finding this?
What are you doing?

OP posts:

MagicMuffin · 16/05/2008 15:32

Alexa, there can be multiple reasons, and money certainly comes into it for many.

But, it's not really any of your business to be honest, just because you have a set idea of what a weddding "should" be doesn't mean the rest of the world has to agree with you.

Alexa808 · 16/05/2008 15:33

MrsTM, I totally think one ought to look after their children when the do play up. I never suggested they should rule the roost.

belgo · 16/05/2008 15:33

I don't think you can actually ban anyone from attending the actual wedding ceremony, if in a church, I think it's considered a public place.

MrsTittleMouse · 16/05/2008 15:35

Alexa - I can give you a reason. Not all weddings are completely happy, joyous occasions. Ours was very emotional, as we had lost some very close family not long before we got engaged. It was a lovely wedding, but there were a lot of tears and I was worried about whether I would cope as it was (DH is a bit more stiff upper lip!).

I had to have a small wedding, and I just couldn't have coped with small children running around. We purposely kept the ceremony very short as it was.

And sadly, one of the families that we would have invited was of the "isn't it cute when they run around shouting in church and knocking over the flowers" kind. Do we not invite them, and just invite the "well-behaved" families???

Alexa808 · 16/05/2008 15:36

I never said that but I might be enlighted as to why you wouldn't want them around. I'm certainly not the type to impose my ideas on anyone but I can voice my opinion just as you do. End of.

MagicMuffin · 16/05/2008 15:36

True Belgo, you can't "ban" someone. You can not invite them though.

Alexa808 · 16/05/2008 15:37

Oh, MrsT, I'm very sorry to hear that. Hadn't really given this any thought but can certainly understand it.

pagwatch · 16/05/2008 15:38

I love the idea that people over see their children at weddings.
my sister is a registrar and the stories she can tell would make your pee go green.
My fav remains the woman that changed her babies nappy during the ceremony.

MagicMuffin · 16/05/2008 15:38

Of course you can express your opinion, it reflects fairly negatively on you though.

MrsTittleMouse · 16/05/2008 15:39

I wasn't saying that your opinion is wrong. I'm happy for you to have as many children as you want to your wedding.

But you asked why someone wouldn't want children at their wedding, so I told you why we didn't have them at ours. I think that children are very distracting, which can be great at certain times (I think that it is lovely to have children at a wake, for example, once the funeral ceremony is over, as they are a wonderful distraction and a postive sign of life going on), but I couldn't have coped with being distracted at my wedding ceremony.

MrsTittleMouse · 16/05/2008 15:39

Whoops! Sorry Alexa, we crossposted.

Alexa808 · 16/05/2008 15:40

Good that I give a toss about your reflections on me .

belgo · 16/05/2008 15:41

'My fav remains the woman that changed her babies nappy during the ceremony'

and

'went to a wedding that when the speeches came the 5year old who was the only kid there went up to the main table and started shouting to whoever was doing the speech. His parents thought it was cute'

I'm beginning to see way people don't want children at their wedding!

MagicMuffin · 16/05/2008 15:43

My reflections on you?

No dear, how your opinions reflect on you.

Do keep up.

Bridie3 · 16/05/2008 15:46

We were limited to 110 people at our wedding. If we'd invited all our friends' children that would have taken THIRTY of those places.

Why should we do that? Why would we want YOUR children rather than OUR friends?

Alexa808 · 16/05/2008 15:48

MM: I reckon you should go back to basics on thread discussions and try not to take things so personal.

MagicMuffin · 16/05/2008 15:49

Right, because telling me you don't give a toss what I say isn't personal?

Rubyrubyruby · 16/05/2008 15:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alexa808 · 16/05/2008 15:56

MM: I didn't say I wasn't personally addressing you. I said you shouldn't take it personal as in: it's not a character assassination attempt. We just don't agree on this topic. That doesn't mean I don't value your opinion, it's just that mine is different.

I have to add though: after reading some kids behaviour on this thread I can understand why some people would rather not take the risk of having their vows spoiled.

I can't understand how people could be so insensitive to the couple's feelings.

MagicMuffin · 16/05/2008 15:58

Fair enough Alexa, let's agree to disagree

FWIW, my objection isn't to people feeling hurt that their DC aren't invited, it's the slapping on of labels like "control freak" and "bridezilla" that I think is unfair.

I'm not married btw.

Alexa808 · 16/05/2008 16:02

Okay, I shake hands to that

I'm a control freak to a certain extent. 80% or so, I feel most comfy knowing what the score is and such.

There's nothing wrong with matching dress colours to sugared almonds either.

I think when I made my statement I was rather naively believing that guests were well-mannered and considerate enough to teach their children how to behave on such occasions but I guess now I'm overwhelmed by feeling it's like letting a gang of paint ballers go nuts in a bridal shop...

I mean: how on earth can you think it's okay to change a nappy during a ceremony????

gingerwench · 16/05/2008 16:14

It is up to the bride and groom and it IS their day. If they stipulate no children, or limit the children to very close family etc then they cannot be surprised if they get a few declined invitations from those who can't make it. That's the risk you take. I;ve been to too many weddings in where the vows were drowned out by screeching toddlers running wild. Not my choice but if that is what the bride and groom wanted due to wanting a family occasion then that's their perogative. So we invited specific children only (2 nephews, 2 well-behaved teenagers who were family friends and a couple of babes-in-arms based on the fact that their parents could not be expected to come without their very very young children). As it was, several friends who had "babes-in-arms" chose to leave them with baby-sitters anyway, and a couple who had a toddler managed to come for the ceremony but not the reception due to their baby sitting issues and there are no hard feelings. If the invite doesn't suit then decline graciously you can always still give a present and see your friends to congratulate them another day. I wanted my wedding to be a combination of serious moving ceremony followed by a raucous adult night. That's what I got and if that makes me a bridezilla then so be it - I'm never getting married again.

Rocky12 · 16/05/2008 16:14

My goodness, what a difference of opinion!

I have two boys and when my sister in law got married I had a frank discussion with her regarding the younger one (age 4.). If she was planning to have a child free wedding - absolutely fine with me but she insisted. I said that we would sit at the back as I didnt think he would sit still for long but she wanted us to sit in the front row, she adores my son and didnt want him to miss anything.

I did warn her.....

He managed to escape from my MIL's lap, walk up onto the alter and started blessing himself with holy water. The vicar completely ignored him as this was the time of vows, everyone was laughing including my SIL thank goodness but I have to say I do enjoy a child free wedding. I have been to weddings where a nanny was employed to look after the children whilst the service was going on and also like the idea of a room for the children to eat in.

If you are so affronted dont go!

PosieParker · 16/05/2008 16:19

I will have children and an entertainer for them during speeches at my wedding, if I had no children I wouldn't invite any but very close family. Nothing worse than kids shouting during speeches, wailing during the ceremony and staying far too late.
I will be having a small note on my invitation about parental responsibility and speeches are for adults only etc, ie the venue has requested children do not talk during the ceremony and that all parents supervise their children at all times!!!

Rocky12 · 16/05/2008 16:33

Posie - good for you. I fear that 'children not talking during the ceremony' will be really difficult. What about children that just shout out, burst into tears or are just crying.

I would go further than you and not have any children at the wedding. You would be amazed how many people think they are 'close' family or even turn up on the day with a crying baby saying that their babysitter let them down.

Based on some of the responses here, some people are trying to make a point.

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