Woman and DH messaging nearly everyday

[Beachybabe]

Married 15 years, 2dc. All been pretty good between us. But, Dh recently became friends with one of his colleagues and now she messages him nearly every day. I’m ok with the occasional message but she’ll send him photos of her dinner, where she is that day and other messages. Don’t seem flirty but this feels way too intense. She’s single/younger than him. Both teachers so when it’s the school holidays her contacting him ramps up to this almost daily level.
He says nothing wrong with it and to stop being weird but I think its a bit concerning. Why does she want to share so much with him and why does he keep it going by replying to her messages? Help!

You know what you have to do though I realise it must be very scary

Then, sadly, it sounds like your marriage is quite unstable as you don't have his loyalty. Decisions...

If he thinks it’s okay then get the same going for yourself - as someone mentioned get a friend to pretend to be a man

nothing gets a man’s arse in gear than seeing us not care/crack on with the same behaviour. It’s a shame but it works. When they have someone fussing over them and a jealous partner they think they’re the king.

Having said this I’ve only used this tactic with a boyfriend. Wouldn’t expect to use it on my husband. You deserve so much better - tell him to do one!

Ohhh OP.
Please, please do not get in contact with her.
You are on to a hiding to nothing.
It is not on YOU to put HIS and HERS boundaries in place, that is simply not on you, why the absolute fuck should you!!
I feel you need to find some rightful anger here, you are obviously not okay with their relationship. That's VALID. That's absolutely okay, most responses have been the same.
You are not the problem, it's not up to you to fix it by demanding yourself by contacting her and telling her to back off!
That's the worst thing you could do
HE should be saying that, HE should be realising he and her are overstepping the professional boundaries. And your very valid boundary.
I really feel you need to find your anger and tell him you have had enough.

That's a great suggestion if you want the woman to tell you where to put your ideas of how she can and cannot behave!

I'd leave him at home for a couple of days, with or without the kids, telling him that he's crossing the boundaries of what is acceptable within a marriage.

No don’t do this because he might go and stay at hers or invite her over

OP, she is not particularly your problem. There is nothing you can do to stop her inappropriate messages. HE is though.
Stop focusing on her, she is behaving like this because your husband has allowed it.
HE is your problem, I know it's hard but you must put the behaviour where it lies, your H is allowing, actually encouraging another woman.
You need to talk to HIM.

He does know. He is pretending not to know.

And if , as you say he wants to carry on having this inappropriate relationship YOU have to say NO.im not okay, I'm not having this in my life.
It's hard but it's essential to show him you have your boundaries.
He has to be shown your boundaries.
Then he can do what a decent man does and respect them.

OP it seems he is enjoying your reaction. I would stop giving him one for a start. Maybe pull right back, become detached. I think he wants the drama of you being the jealous wife to be honest, hence he’s telling you about it all rather gleefully.

Look OP.
If your H was doing this with another woman outside work he would be a fucking cheat.
You are being gaslighted that because they are work colleagues it's fine.
No it's not, as most responses on this thread have articulated, it's not okay.
I really feel for you, it's really hard to realise you have a husband problem but you really do have.
She might be wanting to get with him and he might be keeping her in the ego kibble zone but what he is doing is keeping you both in a horrible mindset.
Remove yourself.
Tell him you are not playing along.
He doesn't get to have a one foot in " she's my best friend" bollocks one foot out, he gets you and your lovely self.
I'm so angry for you OP

He doesn’t need to agree that the messages are inappropriate. You are telling him it’s hurting you. That’s a good enough reason to walk away if he won’t stop. Honestly I think going nuclear is the best option. He needs to decide now if he wants your family or her. If you wait and the connection deepens it’s more likely he will choose her later on. And if it’s going to happen wouldn’t you rather know now than live in this uncertainty? Go stay with family (or ask him to leave) and tell him he’s hurt you and you need time to process where to go from here. If he doesn’t come crawling back then he was always going to leave and this way you have ripped the band-aid off.

He seems to have a complete disregard for your feelings. He’s also being really disrespectful. If he knows you’re not comfortable and it’s making you really unhappy then he needs to nip all this childish texting in the bud! His focus should surely be his family. If it’s not it’s time to give him and ultimatum!

That my DP is my best friend is a given, so when we say “best friend” we’re generally just meaning someone outside of our relationship, really. He also has a person he considers his best friend that’s not me.

I don’t talk to mine as often anymore but if I need advice or help he’d be the person I turn to, outside of my relationship. But obviously as we’re both in relationships now dynamics change, not that we ever had anything even remotely flirty going on, but I’m very careful to never say anything that could be misconstrued or make his wife feel weird about me (or my partner of course).

Sorry it’s time to tell him this is unacceptable and either he blocks her or moves out. It’s crunch time and he needs to know he’s disrespecting you with this behaviour. The whole school is probably talking about what a tragic moron he is. Trouble is you might find it hard to trust him going forward. The longer it goes on the worse it’ll get. I’d ask him to leave now. He’ll probably come crawling back but if not then at least you’ve got your dignity.

Nah, none of this is your fault. All the faults lie with them for being gaslighting fucking toerags. They both know exactly what they are doing and it's about getting their egos stroked. Off each other. Dump him, he's a prick. And she's fucking desperate.

I’d go on his phone and block her number.

Rolling

Or get into his phone and change her number to yours 🤔

Sadly he's already prioritising her over you and even if he agrees to stop messages, they will continue the relationship at work and he'll become more secretive. It may be platonic now but it will develop and he'll justify it in his head. Speaking to her is pointless, she couldn't care less about the damage she will cause. He needs to choose family or her and if it's family, change jobs.

Why would you even think it’s about you 😂😂

This happens all the time, everywhere.

You’re incredibly paranoid

Oh op sorry this sucks

Please don't focus on her. He is the one who is disregarding your boundaries.

You need to let him see that as your partner he needs to listen and respect any feelings yoi have. Would he go for counselling if you set that ad an ultimatum?

He says nothing wrong with it and to stop being weird

of course, he enjoys the attention

If you don't find it acceptable behaviour that is not weird - don't ever doubt your own boundaries