Woman and DH messaging nearly everyday

[Beachybabe]

Married 15 years, 2dc. All been pretty good between us. But, Dh recently became friends with one of his colleagues and now she messages him nearly every day. I’m ok with the occasional message but she’ll send him photos of her dinner, where she is that day and other messages. Don’t seem flirty but this feels way too intense. She’s single/younger than him. Both teachers so when it’s the school holidays her contacting him ramps up to this almost daily level.
He says nothing wrong with it and to stop being weird but I think its a bit concerning. Why does she want to share so much with him and why does he keep it going by replying to her messages? Help!

He is absolutely taking the piss. As is she.

Play him at his own game - get a female friend to pretend she’s called “Dave” and get her to send messages with kisses!!!

I’m surprised he showed me.
wonder what the content of their other messages are. Feeling so sad and excluded but if I say anything I’m jealous and unfair.
really want to say something to her but worried he’ll back her and I’ll be the crazy wife

There was another recent thread where someone’s DP had sex with an OW to ‘support her with her mental health’.

@Montea, with respect, I wonder if his wife is 'crazy' about him speaking with other women, or whether he's having to be careful as he got caught out last time around. Unfortunately it sounds like you might be his latest mark & he's grooming you for an affair.

@Beachybabe - she clearly spends a lot of time thinking of him and showing him she knows his tastes and his favourites, eh? Rather than rowing, you need to sit down with him and explain calmly that you think their relationship has crossed a line as he is investing more time in her than you and your family. And if this goes on, it will be the end for you. Watch how he behaves after that - if his phone is never out of his clutches or he starts to get ratty, he's chosen an affair.

Fuckin' hell!!!

Oh yes good idea.

He is taking you for granted op. Can't you go out with friends at the weekend leave him at home with the kids?

Is your husband trying to make you jealous, seems like he is
So he is now getting his ego boosted by a jealous wife and a younger woman at work

All this attention has gone to his head

Yeah, because objecting to sensible boundaries being crossed is what crazy wives do, innit.

If he can't see what he's doing wrong, he's the crazy one.

Yeah I’d be going to my parents or away for a couple of days, leave him with the kids. Say you’re considering your future together as he has no respect for your marriage and boundaries.

'his wife has issues and is crazy about him talking to women'

Course she's crazy, she won't understand him either and they of course never have sex. Wise up @Montea and go for a nice, single bloke.

He's showed you to pretend it's all innocent, there's nothing innocent here they are both after something .

How can he not see that that's totally inappropriate? She needs to know that she's overstepping the line - and so does he. It may be hard to do, but I think you need to set a firm boundary - and stick to it. You can't just let this happen to you. It's not good for your self-esteem or your well being to be so disrespected.

You could look at it in that she's grooming him and his ego is falling for it. Why not give her a call and chat with her, I'm sure she'll back off then. However, if he's allowing this to happen, which he is, then I'd be having a chat with him too, but not until after I've spoken to her and scared her off.

Hmm, I don't know. Teaching is a really intense profession and it's sometimes difficult for people outside of it to truly understand what you're going through under the constant stress.

I had a really good male friend who was 50 and I was 30. He used to absolutely crack me up. He was religious so when I was stressed he always had something gentle and encouraging to say.
I believe I bought him a couple of gifts but I did to other stadd members too. I absolutely did not fancy him. I wonder if, because I'd lost my dad around the same time as meeting him, that I saw him as a father figure.

Anyway, I met his wife and that was kaput to the relationship. He met me once for dinner but I realised he was paying in cash and didn't want any trace of being with me so the friendship came to an end.

Looking back, maybe his ego was being stroked but it certainly didn't feel that way at the time. He was devoted to his wife and daughter and we often spoke of our families. It was a shame really as I lost a very good friend.

I'm not saying there's nothing to this op but it could certainly be innocent.

OP, I think he's enjoying the power this is giving him - seeing you upset. The less bothered you seem, the better. Go out more over the next couple of weeks if you can.

Listen to her, Montea. Us older women here have heard it all before. Men are astonishingly uniform when it comes to affairs and to leaving their wives, to the extent that there's a script for both, on here somewhere. And actually, when a man turns to domestic abuse, perpetrators follow a very similar script there, too.

Men may be many things, but where being nasty to their wives is concerned, original they aren't.

It sounds like your bloke certainly didn't think it was all innocent, seeing as he was trying to hide it. And I don't think the excuse about teaching being intense is relevant at all.

Yeah I sort of realised this when he tried to cover his tracks so I cut the friendship as I could see it was causing him problems. I don't think he fancied me at all either, he couldn't speak highly enough of his wife, I just think he wanted to keep the friendship we had which is why his actions changed. We were friends as part of a group. We all leaned on one another.
Teaching really is intense. I don't know if op's husband finds it difficult though but we all certainly did.

I would tell him that he is to have no more contact with her outside of work .. this is not ok OP . You will find out then what he really feels , its ultimatum time

I wouldn’t say anything to her AT ALL! He has the contract with you! Tell him that communication out of work stops now or he’s chosen her over you & your relationship is over. And mean it. He’s taking the piss! This will be agony for you watching g it slowly unfold if not.

Wow, you’re so cool. I wish I was you.

I’m sorry this is happening to you, OP.
i wouldn’t contact her. She has no interest in your relationship nor any loyalty to you.
How has your DH responded to this message? Will he show you his phone messages? Have all the dept been bought wine or just him?
you really need to try and talk to your DH again. He needs to understand that you’re not accusing him of cheating, you’re explaining that you feel that this friendship takes priority over your relationship. Even if he doesn’t agree that it is (huge eyeroll) he needs to work with you and be transparent about moving forward. Why won’t he close the friendship down?

Men ALWAYS call women crazy when they’ve been caught with their trousers down.

This in spades.
He will be having a massive ego boost of the other woman buying him special wine and will absolutely know their budding relationship is stepping over the line.
But he doesn't care because he is getting his ego kibbles from her.
Meanwhile he will be more than happy to put you in the box of the angry, controlling jealous wifey.
Don't let him.
Be cool and collected and tell him it's unacceptable to you and your boundaries and you will be considering your options in the relationship if it carries on...but you have to mean it.
Do not let him play you both off against each other but equally you don't have to be the cool wife.
He sounds an immature dick to be honest.
Sorry.