Husbands pitbull becoming snappy in old age, and I’m pregnant

[Oliveover28]

It took me two years to convince my now husband to keep his pitbull dog with his mum for me to move into his house with my two small dogs. The reason for me not wanting my two dogs around his dog is his dog previously attacked and killed his mums small dog. Apparently he done this because the smaller dog kept snapping at him and the family seem to think it’s justified? Bear in mind this was a teacup senior dog. Awful.

anyway the agreement was the pitbull can come back once we buy a bigger house as I pushed for the can’t separate 3 dogs in a small house excuse. Anyway we are looking to buy a house this year, and husband is saying why wouldn’t his dog come back to live in the house he buys. Well, lately the dog has been snapping at people a little more, husband says oh it’s old age.

problem is, I’m now pregnant. I feel extremely uncomfortable around this dog, this dog around my dogs and now this dog around a defenseless baby? He says we will keep them separate, but that sounds like hell having a new born, and 3 dogs to keep separate whilst he’s at work all day. He said sometimes he will take him to work, and I could probably push for only having the dog at home on the weekends. But still, I just don’t know if I’ll be able to relax in my own home and I want to be in the best mindset possible to raise my first child. I want to feel relaxed at an already stressful time.

AIBU? Any suggestions on what to say to my husband as to why I don’t want his dog coming back. He is saying oh he only snaps at people he doesn’t know, not his own family. I will also add the dog only snaps at weak people (a senior with cancer, and a friend with MS) it’s like they can sense weakness. He fully believes this dog is going to see our baby as his family, but this dog is already ten years old.

Maybe they knew before this she married an idiot? I don’t agree to urge someone to have a termination but they are probably scared for her.

Raising a baby is extremely stressful. Limited sleep, you needing to recover plus a baby that is 100% dependent on you. Even rock solid relationships with very supportive partners find raising babies very difficult.

You have none of the above. You have a disgusting man as a DH who thinks a killer dog has more rights to stay in a home than his wife and baby. He doesn't care about your safety or your baby's safety.

@Oliveover28 all we want is for you and your baby to be happy and safe - that's it. If you have that baby in the US and stay with that man, it limits your life options and therefore also your baby's life. It is not just about you.

Your family is right. You either need to terminate your pregnancy or get on a flight home ASAP.

Go home to have your baby before you really are trapped.

You were wise to raise this issue with your DH but at the same time, it’s clear you aren’t recognising the seriousness and loneliness of your future situation if you stay. He is laughing at your concerns. You really will be alone. And unable to escape.

You will be to blame for walking your child into this high risk of death situation. You will feel wronged yourself but it’s still you who will be held accountable. Because you did nothing about it while you could.

A pregnancy gives you preparation time. It’s your job to use that time wisely for the best outcome for your child. He isn’t doing it, (neither is his family) he’s wilfully doing the opposite so that’s leaves you to do it.

You are wasting your precious time turning to him, discussing it with him, looking to him for answers. None of that will forthcoming.
You simply can’t risk waiting and hoping when you know waiting and hoping is leading you right into a killer pit bull nightmare for your baby.

He isn’t going to give you the answers and reassurances you are looking for. He is becoming increasingly cruel to you. That isn’t ever going to stop or change. That’s who he is.

You need to escape to the safety of your parents while you still can. Make that your plan!

I wish OP would stop posting the same things and actually take steps to change her situation.

I don’t think I have read a more frightening post on mumsnet.
OP you are in terrible danger. Please please leave the US and get back to your family asap. If you can do it without him knowing so much the better.

If anything happens to the baby you may well be criminally responsible along with him as you have anticipated the dangers and done nothing. You will have to live with the grief and guilt of your inaction.

You need to return home ASAP. Once the baby is born, you will be trapped abroad as he can prevent you taking your child back to the UK.

There will also come a point in your pregnancy where you cannot fly back to the UK. You need to just leave.

It sounds like he's threatening to kill your dogs to me. You need to leave.

@Oliveover28 You have seven pages of people telling you stuff you don’t want to hear. Your head must be spinning.

Let’s do something different.

Have you got access to some money to book a flight to the UK? I think it would be nice for you to take an Easter holiday and see your family.

Just take your mind off all this overwhelm. What do you think?

OP - many moons ago my future MIL asked if I thought I could cope with her son - I didn't really get what she was saying at that age, thought she just didn't like me or I was not good enough. As she worshipped all her kids it was surprising too. I realise actually she was voicing concerns that she mainly hid and would never acknowledge publicly, so doing her best to warn me, though probably too for the potential fall out for her son. Anyway no one on earth would have 'coped' and it was all very dreadful- please listen to your guy's mum asking if you've seen him lose his temper - she knows him better than anyone and you have a straight up warning.

It seems like you're just hoping this will work out if you can just make your guy understand he can't have the dog there, and he can perhaps be a bit kinder. I guess after moving continents to be with him you just don't want to give up on it all.

It's difficult seeming to own you made a mistake but maybe it can be seen as less of a mistake but a while where you lived in the USA - an experience - now you're having a child you've decided to move on again and raise it in the U.K. where it's familiar and you have more support. Nothing has to be forever and you can move on - going home isn't going backwards. I expect your family said abort or come home as they are very seriously worried about the baby, but it feels like added pressure and a bit 'I'm telling you so' for you.

I do feel you're sitting in limbo hoping or debating with yourself, but not able to make a decision - unfortunately this is very much time limited and you need to decide if your whole future lies in the USA or if you'd rather have the baby in the U.K. to keep options open? - also if your future lies in the US then at the least you need to rehome your dogs soonest (as it can take time) to perhaps prevent him having the pittie there or at least reduce stress of having every animal and child separated - can you imagine doing this?

If you don't decide then all decisions will be taken for you by inaction - your life will be in the US, your dogs will not be around, and your child will be brought up a US citizen close to paternal family but rarely seeing yours, and you will spend most of the rest of your life there unless you move away from your child.

Ok, so he's being very clear in making threats to harm your dogs if he doesn't get his own way about something. That makes him abusive, a risk to the dogs and to you, and a risk to your baby.

He's willing to threaten harm to smaller living beings which are dependent upon you and him. In a few months there's going to be another small living being who's dependent upon you and him for everything...

If the killer dog, the disrespect, the overly enmeshed relationship with his mum and the total lack of ability to risk assess a situation weren't enough to walk away, surely this has to be...

Hard as it may feel, you need to plan your exit and get out and back to your home country where you and your baby (and your dogs, if you can get them out) can be safe. You need to get your evidence together of the risks posed to all of you and prepare to use every legal avenue in your home country to safeguard your baby. You won't be able to keep them (or yourself) safe in the USA.

it's time now to act like an adult in her 30's - get yourself your unborn baby and your dogs out of his country and return to your family !
Ask your family for the money if needed !!!
NOW !

Anyone with a pit bull is an anti social cretin. With or without a child in the house.

I didn't realise you were early enough to terminate. You've basically got three options.

• Move back to your family, block him and have the baby alone.
• Terminate.
• Or have your baby which will probably get ripped to bits by his pit bull at some point and you'll end up in prison.

@Oliveover28 how far along are you in this pregnancy? Do you have money to get home? How would that play out.... Tell him you are going a holiday to see family and then just not return? Sneak off whilst he is out??

Whilst I agree with you - totally. Please remember this is a lady who planned her future and family with a man she loved. Add in the hormones and she must be dreadfully confused and upset. The husband sounds perfectfully dreadful. Let's try and give OP the kindness and support she is not receiving at home.

Absolutely you should! Small dogs are the absolute worst around babies!
I work in a&e the amount of babies and young children we see with dog bites and very nasty injuries from small dogs is emense!
Not so much from big dogs!

What utter bollox!

Theyre animals bred for aggression and fighting, imported from America. But there is so much individualism “my rights for me/my pet” however anti social it’s presence in society is, that this ignorance is endemic now.

Leave him and his strange family. They told you to have an abortion or go home? Is this the family you want to bring your kid into?

it’s not worth it.

This is absolutely horrendous OP.
I'm sorry he's threatening that and saying such vile things.

I'd report that to the police to be honest threatening to kill your dog is NOT ok.

You can do this solo if you decide to. Be kind to yourself. However you decide to do it, get away from him.

You are stronger and more capable than you realise. X

Lots of us see a turn in behaviour when we're pregnant and ""locked in"" and more vulnerable.

It's also the making of us because it's not about us anymore it's about protecting maternal instinct and they are so strong 💪🏻
Being a single parent is tough and some days feels impossible but all that matters is the baby is wanted and loved. You will figure it out (if you chose to keep her/him) and do it solo.

It's better to do it solo than with than solo in a marriage with someone unreasonable and dangerous.

You can do whatever you decide and be kind to yourself because no decisions you make is wrong but do trust your gut and your instincts and listen to them.

No it was OPs family that have told her to leave or abort, because they are rightly terrified for her!

OP iv never once had to write a post on here about my DH. The fact that you have multiple already should be enough to make you question him. Seriously, you've had so much advice in the past that you're clearly choosing to ignore, so why keep posting? You were told from day one not to move for him, you did it anyway. Now you're in a situation that may potentially become dangerous for your unborn baby and instead of acting in the right manner you're posting here AGAIN, for what? You know what should be done, you should be leaving this man and moving back home. But you wont will you, because you're delusional that he will pick you. Sorry to be harsh but its the truth. He wont pick you, he wont pick your baby. Get out now before its too late.

I see in my news feed there was a 7 month old baby girl killed this week by one of the families dogs, father had managed to get one of the dogs into a vehicle, other 2 dogs were still in the house ?
no info on breed of dog/s.

Do you want your child to be coming up on my news feed one day...

Not protective enough if you are going to reflect for a few weeks.
You are sleepwalking into an abusive relationship and putting your baby at risk of its life. If you want to be a mum, be one..get back to UK and the support of family that actually cares about you.
If that child is born in the US, you will be trapped. Your child cannot leave without the father’s permission. He will have power to let his dog roam the house, knowing you can’t stop him or take the child away.