Husbands pitbull becoming snappy in old age, and I’m pregnant

[Oliveover28]

It took me two years to convince my now husband to keep his pitbull dog with his mum for me to move into his house with my two small dogs. The reason for me not wanting my two dogs around his dog is his dog previously attacked and killed his mums small dog. Apparently he done this because the smaller dog kept snapping at him and the family seem to think it’s justified? Bear in mind this was a teacup senior dog. Awful.

anyway the agreement was the pitbull can come back once we buy a bigger house as I pushed for the can’t separate 3 dogs in a small house excuse. Anyway we are looking to buy a house this year, and husband is saying why wouldn’t his dog come back to live in the house he buys. Well, lately the dog has been snapping at people a little more, husband says oh it’s old age.

problem is, I’m now pregnant. I feel extremely uncomfortable around this dog, this dog around my dogs and now this dog around a defenseless baby? He says we will keep them separate, but that sounds like hell having a new born, and 3 dogs to keep separate whilst he’s at work all day. He said sometimes he will take him to work, and I could probably push for only having the dog at home on the weekends. But still, I just don’t know if I’ll be able to relax in my own home and I want to be in the best mindset possible to raise my first child. I want to feel relaxed at an already stressful time.

AIBU? Any suggestions on what to say to my husband as to why I don’t want his dog coming back. He is saying oh he only snaps at people he doesn’t know, not his own family. I will also add the dog only snaps at weak people (a senior with cancer, and a friend with MS) it’s like they can sense weakness. He fully believes this dog is going to see our baby as his family, but this dog is already ten years old.

So return home. It may be harder once the child is born.

He's told you what he wants and his plan. As I say, it's up to you whether to accept that. If you do, you're accepting the risk to your baby.

Oh goodness love - your family is telling to get an ABORTION or leave hubby!!!
No, no, no.
The dog either stays with MIL or preferably rehomed or euthanised.
Please put yourself and your unborn baby first.
Please, please,please.

The dog stays where it is with his mother and does not visit your house or your new home. A new baby in only a family member to it's mother and father. Even siblings can find a new baby a pain at first. It's a squeaky irritation to an old dog, especially one that has snapping tendencies. One bite could kill a baby. I love dogs, but would draw the line here.

have you posted about this dog before, under a different user name.

do you think you will be in court for manslaughter or murder if the dog kills your baby...

What is wrong with all these people?!

move back to your own country now. Keep your baby and never speak to any of these people, including your family,
ever again.

Listen to your family on the return home thing. You are with a man you cannot trust, you say. That is no basis for parenthood when he is so cavalier and has his mother backing him up. They won’t keep them separate. Even with the best intentions, a door will be left open..and I don’t think he intends to keep them apart. He will try to show you he’s right and the dog is safe. So your dogs are at risk as well as your baby.
Go home where people care about you

At the very least more expensive. It needs to be done now really

You say “I won’t be joining you in the new house until you can prioritise the safety of our child”

Why are you even making this a dilemma? It’s very straight forward

You need to return to your home country, have your baby and raise it without the stupid, ignorant, awful man who has shown you as clearly as he can, that you and the baby are irrelevant.

Will you? Or will you wait until the inevitable attack happens. What excuses will you make for him then?

OP I’m a dog person, but this one should have been PTS when it killed another dog.

Your choice at this point is to leave (easier before the baby arrives), or we’ll see your family on the news in a year or so. Don’t say you haven’t been warned, you know what will happen.

100% this

OP…are you really this dense? Wave goodbye to Cotton Eye Joe and his even denser family and leave….

Why have your family said this

I am sorry, but if you are very early stages i would agree
move home - and divorce this prized prat

he would never ever keep your dogs safe, never mind your child. I could not live like this

if you split up, and he had the baby alone, he isnt going to separate them from the dog right?!

OP. The below is all stuff you’ve shared about this absolute wrongen. If you want to continue this pregnancy then it would be completely irresponsible to stay in the states rather than coming home before you have the baby. Once the baby is born there he will have so many more rights and frankly he sounds at best a misogynistic, selfish, stupid pig. At worst he’s dangerous.

Andrew Tate fan who said women who try to have careers are foolish ‘boss bitches’

Owns a pit bull you know has killed another dog already and believes he can stop it harming a newborn baby

Kept that dog crated ALL DAY for a period of time, so is cruel to animals too… lovely

Believes women should do as they are told by a male partner

You literally said repeatedly that you recognise he doesn’t have empathy for other people

His mum told you not to wind him up and ominously asked you ‘have you seen him angry yet?’ in the earlyish stages

Has quoted you bible verses saying women should submit to their husbands (yet I bet he shagged you outside of marriage so not overly traditional, eh?)

He’s also a weed smoker (don’t know if he still is, that’s what you said previously)

You shouldn't need advice though OP I'm sorry but your own family are telling you to abort or go home. This is really serious if you stay and allow this your knowingly placing your child and dogs at risk of death wake up! you can't have both I know what i would choose my child and my dogs over the loonatic who thinks he's in control.

There's no way you can 100% seperate them accidents happen doors get left open etc you need to get a grip and realise just how bad this man is willing to risk your child for his dog that's already mauled to death an innocent dog. It's done it once and it will have the taste for it now. Also if your Mother in law keeps the dog you'll never be able to visit.

Do you really love this man enough to put up with this and the risk he's already placing you your child and dogs in before baby even born. I'm sorry but there's absolutely no way I would stick around for any man no matter what it cost me emotionally my children and dog will be my number 1 priority to love and protect. You would be better reporting the dog to authorities anonymously because if you do leave and he wants contact you need to get your ducks in a row the baby can never be near that dog. Report the dog the laws are pretty tough in most states once a dog has killed another dog they are considered dangerous and court can decide. You'll have a log on record for dog then too that it's been reported if there are any contact disputes. You may be able to argue for supervised contact.

i know I have some serious decisions to make in the next few weeks and plan it on reflecting. It’s a possibility I want to raise the baby alone but I don’t know how that looks right now. I do think if it come down to it and I refused to life together he would do as I ask however he has said some really mean things today such as his dog isn’t going to die alone without him, and if he does he is going to make sure my dogs die alone without me, and the dog was here way before me. I’m actually disgusted that he’s mentality is before is more important? When asked so if he more important than your child cuz he was here first he’s says no that’s why I’m keeping them separate. I feel sick with stress but I really appreciate the kind comments (not so much the insultive mean spirited ones)

I know this is your husband I get it but you really must realise after what he's said to you what a piece of 💩 he is. Is that the kind of person you want to raise a child with. Go back to your family life will be much more pleasant your husband sounds selfish and nasty you'll also be happier without all the stress

I am realizing more now I’m pregnant that it’s not kind and not the man I want to raise my kid. I’m so so upset I’ve always wanted to be a mum and I’m in my 30s. I’m torn. I’m already feeling very protective

Normally, I am pro dog. Dog was there and new partner accepts dog, but in this case, it’s an old dog which will get more unpredictable with the pains of old age, has already killed a dog, where most would give a warning growl and maybe a nip. A man who will play tit for tat with another living creature..or 2..is not a good man. So old dog is a threat to everyone, because of its strength and temper and while I agree a dog is for life, that changed when it killed. Its life is forfeit because of the baby and the risk.

Don’t leave it too long to decide or your choice will be taken away or limited once you’re too pregnant to fly. Going to family seems a safer bet. I think you took a chance on a future, which isn’t working out for the best and it might be time to modify expectations. Baby comes first. In my opinion.

… Is he threatening your dogs now?? You gotta get out of there, ASAP. (And I’m normally the kind of person who believes marriage should be til death do you part, so that’s saying something.)

I’m sorry this is so stressful for you. Just know that we’re all rooting for you here, whatever you choose, and that you deserve to be treated better and with way more considerations.

It’s not ‘not kind’ op. It’s awful, nasty manipulative emotionally abusive language to his pregnant wife, and he’s putting your babies and your dogs life at risk. ‘Not kind’ has no place in this analysis. Your family have your best interest at heart. Book a flight. Get on it. Tell him once you’ve left.

Unbelievable that you have to even consider asking this in the first place. WTAF? Are you actually waiting for some random person to tell you it will be fine? Reality check, nobody on this planet is going to say that. Also, as many other pps have said, if you are a foreign national in the US get the fuck out. If your baby is born there they are automatically US citizens/nationals by birth (unlike other countries) and you will find it very difficult to leave with your child and it potentially opens up a lifetime of aggravation not only for you but for your poor innocent child in terms of custody, tax liability etc. Sort your shit out.

Op the reason we are all saying the same thing over and over again is because you are in real danger.

You are vulnerable now, and you will be twice as vulnerable and defenceless when the baby arrives.

No person in their right mind would move a vicious pit bull into your home that has already killed a small dog with a tiny newborn. No sane person would ever do this. Your dp does not care about you, he does not care about his own baby otherwise he wouldn’t even consider putting you both at risk? What kind of father is he going to be?

Your family must be worried sick. They are right. You must come home or terminate. You can’t stay where you are with the monster you are living with. I do not say that lightly. Blaming a tiny dog for barking because it’s frightened, and it gets mauled to death is just horrendous. Unspeakably cruel. What on earth is he going to be like with a screaming baby 247?

You are in grave danger.
Everyone can see that.
If anything happens to you or your baby that will also be your fault according to him.

It is your choice to make op, you have our support, you have a small window now to save yourself.