Husbands pitbull becoming snappy in old age, and I’m pregnant

[Oliveover28]

It took me two years to convince my now husband to keep his pitbull dog with his mum for me to move into his house with my two small dogs. The reason for me not wanting my two dogs around his dog is his dog previously attacked and killed his mums small dog. Apparently he done this because the smaller dog kept snapping at him and the family seem to think it’s justified? Bear in mind this was a teacup senior dog. Awful.

anyway the agreement was the pitbull can come back once we buy a bigger house as I pushed for the can’t separate 3 dogs in a small house excuse. Anyway we are looking to buy a house this year, and husband is saying why wouldn’t his dog come back to live in the house he buys. Well, lately the dog has been snapping at people a little more, husband says oh it’s old age.

problem is, I’m now pregnant. I feel extremely uncomfortable around this dog, this dog around my dogs and now this dog around a defenseless baby? He says we will keep them separate, but that sounds like hell having a new born, and 3 dogs to keep separate whilst he’s at work all day. He said sometimes he will take him to work, and I could probably push for only having the dog at home on the weekends. But still, I just don’t know if I’ll be able to relax in my own home and I want to be in the best mindset possible to raise my first child. I want to feel relaxed at an already stressful time.

AIBU? Any suggestions on what to say to my husband as to why I don’t want his dog coming back. He is saying oh he only snaps at people he doesn’t know, not his own family. I will also add the dog only snaps at weak people (a senior with cancer, and a friend with MS) it’s like they can sense weakness. He fully believes this dog is going to see our baby as his family, but this dog is already ten years old.

I lost the will to go on when, 4 pages in, you are still dilly dallying about with ‘what do I say’, ‘but he’s said this and that’.

Can you not see he is a bolt loose? Seriously deluded at best, at worst …….. Struggling to imagine what you see in him, guessing he has a golden member that also does musicals? Even so, seems a stretch to put up with him.

I really can’t see such a delusional dickhead getting any better to be frank. If I were you, I’d just be heading back now to wherever you came from and far away from him. Otherwise, he’ll potentially kick you to the curb, get shared custody and his dog will just end up eating the baby without you there. It’s a real possibility either way this guy from what you have written. You are now at the point where you need to do smart things, the right things for your child. Not pander to a fuckwit and place yourself and baby in danger.

I think you should heed the advice of the behaviour consultant on this thread.

A professional expert in dog behaviour says that your baby would be at high risk from this dog and if you were her client you would be reported to social services. She's seen this situation before and children have been harmed.

Just to make it clear YOU need to protect your child. Not worry about what your DH or his family thinks or who is paying for the house. YOU need to take responsibility and if he doesn't agree to dropping this idea forever, you need to leave.

OP seriously, please give yourself a shake here. Why are you still thinking about the petty details of what he says? You know what's right and wrong. He is buying the house? Good for him, you won't be there!! You are a mother first and foremost and it's time to put that before anything.

Your responsibility is to your unborn child. There shouldn't even be any need for an ultimatum. If his family are as delusional as what he is, you tell them that you're taking yourself out of the situation as your child comes first. Let him figure out the details but your child will not live with a dangerous dog and neither will you.

Your small dogs have never been aggressive. Full stop. There is no valid case for comparison. That's what you say. If he can't be trusted to make the most basic of decisions with regards to the safety of a child then he is not fit to be responsible for one.

You have chosen to have a baby with a man like this ? You are both the problem.

I have a dog and love dogs but there’s no way I’d have this one around other animals let alone a baby.
Ultimatum time unfortunately, you or the dog.

Change the word “pitbull” to “tiger”. All will become clear.

Also, I am an animal lover. Dogs Trust donation every month, rescue cats in abundance in our home.

But in the end, it’s just a nasty dog. Insist that it’s destroyed or leave the relationship. Your life will be endless tension until it does what you know it’s capable of and will inevitably do.

Then it will be destroyed. Why are you waiting for the untold horror to happen first?

If he won't cave, then leave for your home country before the baby comes. Once the baby arrives you are stuck there and he won't let you move home.

I don’t think you are quite getting it. You could have a bloody expert break it down for your H and he’d still want to prioritise the dog over you and his child. Accept that this is who he is and stop wasting your time trying to ‘make him see’, he doesn’t want to.

Be firm and say that his dangerous dog doesn’t live with you and if it’s a problem for him then he needs to move in with the dog and not the other way round.

Get on a plane and have the baby in the UK. You might end up stuck there unable to leave as your child is not allowed to leave the country by your husband.

For fuck’s sake, grow up.

”Your dog is dangerous and not fit to be in the same home as a baby. It’s the dog, or me. What’s your choice?”

1st response nails it.

And yet OP won't listen

FFS OP, you say absolutely nothing to him. You buy a one way ticket back to your home country whilst you're still able to fly.

No. @Oliveover28 has to go home

Now

Buy a ticket, pack your clothes and get on the plane

"Our relationship is over," is what you say to him.

You've asked multiple times about your disgusting partner and his dangerous dog. You know the dog is dangerous. You know it's insane to have your own dogs around it, let alone a newborn baby. You have put yourself into this position.

I don't know why she keeps posting the same stuff. People reply with the same answers and yet here she is, pregnant and facing HAVING to allow dogman access to the baby WITH his awful dog.

Why on earth wasn’t the dog put down when it killed another dog?

Why are you having a child with a man who is prepared to risk his own baby being mauled to death to get his own way over the dog?

Dear god do not let that dog move in. Imagine if something happened. I can’t even believe your husband would be putting pressure and making you stress about this when you are pregnant. That dog could rip your babies face off. Imagine if something happened. Never let that dog near your baby. You would never forgive yourself when you saw it could happen.

This. It's a ridiculous situation. OP moved in with a feckless man who is a feckless dog owner.

But the dog was there first and OP knew the situation. It was never a suitable situation for OP to move into with her dogs and she did it anyway and now she is pregnant with a man who can't even take responsibility for a dangerous dog. OP clearly doesn't care about the safety of her dogs or her future child.

Poor kid has no hope with such useless parents.

It’s the other dog’s fault it got killed? Listen to yourself…

You'd be a fool to have a baby with a potentially dangerous dog in your home.

Rehome your own dogs. Any dog can turn and attack a baby. Also, they fill the house with germs. Just don't do it.

You have a different home country? Go there (or 'here', if it's the UK). Be with or near your relatives. Be safe. Keep your baby safe.

Do what @Nanny0gg says
No. @Oliveover28 has to go home
Now
Buy a ticket, pack your clothes and get on the plane

Leave without your clothes if you have to. Just go.

Absolutely NOT! We had to rehome our border collie when our twins were born, he was the most loving gentle dog in the world, we never in a million years expected him to start snapping at the twins but he did. I think it was old age, having his personal space invaded etc. We did our best to keep them separated but he was suffering and miserable. It was the hardest thing we have done, but also for the best all round. I personally wouldnt have any dog around small children now, even the best behaved dogs in the world can be pushed. In your position, id move out before allowing an aggressive dog with previous known bad behaviour to be around my baby.

Anyone who doesn’t understand dog body language, and isn’t prepared to train their dog should not contemplate having a dog around their baby. Let alone a dog that has killed another dog. If what they are saying is true, that dog was pushed to the point, it felt it had no other option but to retaliate. Why was nobody monitoring this? Dogs display soooo many signs they are uncomfortable before they get to a bite.

There were too many missed opportunities and unfortunately, the lack of experience/ knowledge/ understanding is now too great a risk in your circumstances.

If my partner suggested having his dog back in the home, I’d have to see real progress in his ability to take care of the dog, understand its body language, understand that old dogs don’t just get “snappy”, have a training plan put in place by a professional, and even then, I wouldn’t allow this around a baby. Management fails. What if your baby falls on the dog? Yanks its tail? All things you would work hard to avoid with any dog but a dog that has the power and strength to kill a small human needs more training and management.

In short, this is not a safe option and you need to have an honest and open discussion about this with your DP.

I cant believe that after multiple threads about this toxic relationship, this dangerous dog and this idiot of a man you not only continued the relationship and moved countries for him. You brought an innocent baby into the situation. Foolish and selfish but now the baby is nearly here you need to prioritise its wellbeing at last. You’d be out of your fucking mind to be in the US when you give birth. Genuinely. You’re stuck then. Get home, get home now. Before the baby arrives. Everything else can wait.

Reading other posts , I agree about leaving to have the baby in the UK. Better for the baby in future too. As an American citizen, he will have to pay US taxes wherever in the world he lives as an adult. So there’s another good reason to get to UK for the birth.
He won’t grow up to pay taxes if you stay and that pit bull is in the house. Muzzles are not foolproof..er dog proof 100%. The dog also has weight if it attacks even with a muzzle it can do horrific damage. Your dogs will probably be ripped to shreds, too. Even you are not safe..many over here have been killed by their own beloved dog turning on them. One girl had advocated for pits and spent months showing how loving hers were, till she came home one night and was attacked by them and killed.

Your husband will have rights over that child and will put the child in danger because he does not see it as danger.

You need to leave. Before you can’t fly.

edited to finish a sentence