Husbands pitbull becoming snappy in old age, and I’m pregnant

[Oliveover28]

It took me two years to convince my now husband to keep his pitbull dog with his mum for me to move into his house with my two small dogs. The reason for me not wanting my two dogs around his dog is his dog previously attacked and killed his mums small dog. Apparently he done this because the smaller dog kept snapping at him and the family seem to think it’s justified? Bear in mind this was a teacup senior dog. Awful.

anyway the agreement was the pitbull can come back once we buy a bigger house as I pushed for the can’t separate 3 dogs in a small house excuse. Anyway we are looking to buy a house this year, and husband is saying why wouldn’t his dog come back to live in the house he buys. Well, lately the dog has been snapping at people a little more, husband says oh it’s old age.

problem is, I’m now pregnant. I feel extremely uncomfortable around this dog, this dog around my dogs and now this dog around a defenseless baby? He says we will keep them separate, but that sounds like hell having a new born, and 3 dogs to keep separate whilst he’s at work all day. He said sometimes he will take him to work, and I could probably push for only having the dog at home on the weekends. But still, I just don’t know if I’ll be able to relax in my own home and I want to be in the best mindset possible to raise my first child. I want to feel relaxed at an already stressful time.

AIBU? Any suggestions on what to say to my husband as to why I don’t want his dog coming back. He is saying oh he only snaps at people he doesn’t know, not his own family. I will also add the dog only snaps at weak people (a senior with cancer, and a friend with MS) it’s like they can sense weakness. He fully believes this dog is going to see our baby as his family, but this dog is already ten years old.

FFS I remember OP.

Please @Oliveover28 get out now otherwise you will be stuck in the US for the next 20 years.

This thread and previous ones is a classic example of your actions have consequences - you are living proof of that.
You have to acknowledge that you have to think of your baby now. Do you really want them to be brought up by this pig of a man?

I would absolutely fly home and have the baby there so at least it gives you options. If you have your baby in the US you are tied there for the next 2 decades at least

That dog should have been put down when it killed another dog. I wouldn’t let him anywhere near my baby.

I love dogs. I full on grieved for a year when our dog died a few years ago. That dog should have been put down the minute it attacked and killed another dog. Your husband is either irredeemably stupid or irredeemably callous. And I say this as an American (but living in UK for 25+ years), Americans are not very good at keeping dogs. They are under exercised and stimulated in many (most?) cases. An absolute disaster waiting to happen with a pit bull and a baby.

Yes, it quite possibly could. You know what he has to say and you've seen the dog's behaviour. Not the dog's fault, it's a dog. Some people are idiots and think they have full dominion over animals. They don't.

You need to make a decision that is the best for your baby. The risk is now in your hands. You have had fair warning. You've seen evidence of the dog's behaviour and your partner is in denial. You need to make your own decision for your child's safety.

This may make it easier. If you go with what he says, and it's the wrong decision, you are responsible. He's an idiot. You're well aware of that and the risks around the dog. Are you an idiot too?

Don't buy a house together - he sounds a lot like someone who would say he won't be told what to do in his own home, and move the dog in anyway.

Dogs need to have grown up with children to cope with them.
My adopted at 1 small dog is good with small children as her previous family had very small children.
My older small dog who has grown up in a small children free home, I wouldn't trust with small children, he snaps if they touch him somewhere he doesn't like, he hsdnt bitten anyone but thr children are dtill frightened I always supervise him with children and he can't do the damage a pit bull type dog can do.
I wouldn't trust your husbands dog after killing another dog with your dogs either.
If anything happened you couldn't forgive yourself or husband. It's better to be safe.than sorry

OP, in my previous post about getting stuck in the US in the legal sense, if you have the baby there, I must also add that you will get stuck in the social sense, too. It's all very well thinking you'll get your freedom back when the child is 18, but you'll still be stuck there, unless you want to live on a different continent from your teen and eventually your grandchildren. By the time the child is 18, their whole life will be in the States and they certainly won't want to uproot their lives and go and live forever in the UK. The UK will just be their immigrant mother's birth country to them, and if your partner (or future ex) doesn't give permission to take them out of the country for vacations, they might not even really know the UK.

If you have this baby in the US, you WILL get stuck there for the rest of your life.

If you have the baby in the UK you can return to America with it, if you want. If you have the baby in the US, you can't go back to the UK with it.

Giving birth in the UK gives you big options for what your life choices are. Giving birth in the US gives you no choices at all, and hands all the power over to your husband.

If you're not too far along, if you don't want to be tied to this man, you could opt for a termination and then just get rid of him and his stupid murderous pitbull and come home. In your shoes I'd probably visit home and then have a "miscarriage" while there.

You appear to have had a lot of resentments around your partner/husband and MIL surfacing during the past couple of weeks, Oliveover28.

Bloody hell OP- keeping them separate is never going to work. Someone will leave a door open by mistake. Imagine your child is now 3 and can easily open doors. What will you do then? I foster cats and have foster cats upstairs and my own 2 cats downstsirs. Doors between them are always shut. They aren't allowed to socialise. Plus one of my cats likes to run upstairs and have a fight with a foster cat when she can - noisy and not ideal but no cat has ever been injured. I have signs on my doors saying - keep this door closed -etc. My DS friends regularly forget to shut a door properly. It's a ball-ache I won't lie. But these are just cats! Not an elderly pitbull that's already killed a small dog!! Can't believe you are even considering buying a house with a man like this tbh. He sounds like a total bell-end 🤷‍♀️

Woman now pregnant

Wow, did she manage that all by herself?!

The mother is emotionally incest with my husband. She dotes on him and would do anything for him and to keep him happy. She even has another one of the same dog breeds he killed! The exact same breed! She has it around her new teacup dog, and frequently tells me look how good friends they are, look how good big dog is with little dog, he completely ignores him see, when are you going to bring your dogs over so they can all mix

Op have you made any kinda decision about your future

they obviously didn’t tell anyone when he killed the small dog, and blame the small dog for over and over snapping at the bigger dog. Apparently my husband kept telling his mum that his dog is getting annoyed and she done nothing. They both allowed it to happen. They also blame it on him being intact (has his balls) and being young. Honestly the delusion is scary, and I’m running out of patience now I’m pregnant. My views are changing.

All he keeps telling me is “THEY WILL BE SEPERATED THEY WILL BE SEPERATED”

my family are pushing me to have an abortion or to return home. I am very overwhelmed. Thanks for all the advice.

It doesn't matter at all what he says. He is clearly not going to change his mind about this so you need to listen to your parents and come home.

This whole situation will be 1000% worse if you have your baby over there.

Honestly OP you deserve better than this and so does your baby!

He tells me he is protecting his family which is why his dog isn’t living with us now, but believes the space of a bigger house he will be able to keep them separate. He tells me what’s what I want; but I keep saying that isn’t going to work for me. He said when he is there he will keep them separate and when he isn’t there he will take him to work. It just sounds horribly stressful for a first time mum. On top of the fact he has said before his dog will be fine around baby and dogs. I don’t trust him.

Your family are talking sense. Please listen. Surely the numerous replies on numerous threads tell you the same. It will not end well if you stay.

Nevermind your ‘overwhelmed’ bullshit. Woman up and protect your baby. Your ‘husband’ clearly isn’t going to so it’s on you. DO NOT put this child at risk of being ripped apart.

Right so this is what you need to do. Report the killing of the other dog to the police and you need to go home to your parents. How old are you? This family sound utterly toxic not to mention breaking the law.

You think you're overwhelmed now, wait until you're dealing with a newborn and a dangerous, huge dog who can't be near them. He won't keep the pitbull separate (although it's nearly impossible even if there is the will to do so, which there isnt, because he doesn't see a problem) Wait for "I can't take him to work today, it'll be fine". I wouldn't want to be your dogs (spaniels I think?) or your baby.

I remember your previous threads. You were incredibly unwise to move continents to be with this waste of space and his weird family but didn't listen then (and I imagine your family were dead against it then but "love") You have a very narrow window to escape. Using it is down to you.

The police will have zero interest in a third party report of a historic dog to dog incident between two family dogs, in a country where the pitbull is legal.

But yes she should go home to her home country ASAP.

Next thread coming up…

My baby and I are living in one room, because we have an aggressive pit bull in the house, and my dh doesn’t care.

Next thread…

Social services are threatening to remove my baby. I can’t cope..

and so on.
And this is the BEST case scenario and you and your baby survive the next year….

Please update with something responsible op. Like you are on a plane home or something.

FFS @Oliveover28

YOUR OWN FAMILY ARE ADVISING YOU TO HAVE AN ABORTION OR TO LEAVE!!

Just think about that long and hard.

They are desperate for you to leave this man. The dog is only a small part of this cluster fuck of a relationship.

TBH I don't know what else we can say. Last time we said don't do it and you ignored us. This time we are all saying do NOT put your baby in danger - have the baby in the UK so it at least gives you options.

I have no faith you will listen to us.

You'll probably have your baby in the US, live with a killer dog, maybe separate but you will literally be chained to the US for the next 2 decades, if not longer. Can't you see how much shitter your life will get unless you use your agency and do something proactive?

Listen to your parents OP. they have sound advice. Do not listen to him or his mum. They are unrealistic and irresponsible dog owners.

It is madness to think that his ideas have a chance of working. Do not entertain his theories.

What are you doing to plan your return journey to your own country before your baby is born?

You have decisions to make based on what you ALREADY know about this killer dog. Stop procrastinating and think hard about your plan for your future.

Babies and killer dogs can not be in the same house or same environment.
You can not be complicit in letting that happen.
No matter what he says, YOU are the child’s mother and YOU must act responsibly. You have no time to waste in making your plans.