Glam & Fab Part 5 - Summer Loving

[macdoodle]

Gosh time for a new thread already
I'm up for a half term meet - tis the week of the bank hol here 26 May - I will be with sis in Hitchin prob from Sun 25 May most of that week so up for London or roundabout meetup

good post lily

OMG ? what a weekend!

Firstly Baffy ? I am so so sorry - what a nightmare for you! Just when you were making some progress together too. Can you still see a future for you both with this other child in the equation? Its just a thought, but is it possible she?s got pg by someone else and is trying to palm it off on your H to get him back? Its just that she said she wasn?t pg a little while ago, now you and H are back on good terms again and miraculously she suddenly is pg?. I wouldn?t put that past her at all, she obviously has no morals.
Tannee ? Your dp sounds like a bit like a spoilt brat. Your dd is entitled to her space in your home too. My dp could be like that at times ? he used to hate the dc playing computer games in the lounge, and even though we have a TV upstairs he used to sulk if I asked him to go up there, I think he felt pushed out. PC is right ? your dd will be at uni in a few years and this may be the last few years you have her living with you. He is being completely unreasonable and totally unfair to expect you to sell up now (especially with the state of the housing market atm).
PC ? how awful that your break has been scuppered. You really needed it too! Hope you manage to salvage some of the holiday and get that much needed rest.
Dior ? how is your first day of freedom going? Good for you ignoring your H?s moaning. It won?t be so much fun if you don?t retaliate!!
TFM ? Wow. A proposal! Good for you not saying ?yes?. I bet that surprised him!!! You are right though ? if its not broke don?t fix it! I love the thought of you thinking about us all while doing your ironing. I think about you all at odd times of the day too ? and sometimes find myself thinking ?Now what would TFM say about this?!!?
My weekend was dull compared to some ? ds2 had his 5th birthday party on Saturday, it was wonderful, but exhausting. I was like a zombie yesterday, so we all had a duvet day and played with all his birthday presents!

Funny you should say that GU, I am ironing now whilst keeping an eye on the thread. My mind is working overdrive today! I just wish I had a magic wand.

As for 'the proposal', well it is a nice feeling but, although I hate to admit this, i feel terrible admitting this but, it's a nice feeling knowing I have control IYSWIM. I know what Baffy says makes sense, it would mean financial security for me if I did marry him because but, I am just so happy with myself at the moment, with the way things are, that I don't want to marry him, especially not just for the security. I am still adding to my savings account, I haven't rested on my laurels so, if things did go belly up again I know i will never be in such a bad place as I was the last time. Also, I still can't help but think that his own insecurity is what is making him want to get married. He isn't get the reactions from me or the reassurances that he used to.

I must admit though, the thought of a Teabag wedding with you all as bridesmaids sounds fabulous!! I wonder if we could do it without the actual wedding?

I remember DD's birthday party GU, I had all of her class at home, big mistake! It was great but it took me 3 days to recover!

Tanee, I have been thinking about you and you know what, I would be tempted to call his bluff. Tell him you have called an estate agent to come value the house (three actually, you need three valuations ) and appear strong and in control. My bet is he will soon come to his senses. He is having a bad time and hitting out at the one closest to him. He is 'projecting'. I hope you are ok.

Baffy, PC am thinking of you. Hope you are both ok.

MacD, thinking of you too, hope you are staying strong

Dior, I hope your first day as a SAHM is going well. Hope you are sat down with a cuppa right now after spraying polish and bandying a bit of bleach around

Message withdrawn

Hi everyone

Just a quick one. Sorry can't catch up, too much going on I can barely see straight.

I'm much worse today. I think it was the shock talking yesterday.

She's an evil evil bitch. She is texting me from other people's phones (obviously as her number is blocked) saying she's now also the mother of H's child and can we be 'friends' for the children's sake as they're going to be brother and sister. But if I try to cause any trouble for her she'll make sure ds and I never see the baby!!

What planet is this girl on. Aside from the fact that at this moment in time, me never seeing her child would actually make me happy! How does she think that being pregnant will suddenly make me her friend.

She really does think now that she's 'equal' to me. So we're both in the same boat and we can be friends and bring our children up together. In one text she said did I want to go round and talk tonight?! I can't deal with this. I can't explain it properly. Sorry.

I've told H to tell her to lay off as I refuse to be in contact with her. But she called from witheld number and I answered thinking it may be work and it was her. I put the phone straight down. But she's still trying to call.

Why is she doing this to me? She's got what she wanted. Why does she have to use it to hurt me even more.

I wish I was dead. It would hurt less.

This is weird Baffy, really weird. If i didn't know any better I would think it was you she had a thing for rather than H! She has such a desire for you to like her, to be her friend, if her efforts fail then she punishes you by way of tormenting you. I think this girl really does have a problem Baffy and it worries me what she might do. You really do need to be very careful, she is totally irrational and there is no telling what she could do. I don't think you would be over reacting if you got in touch with the police again and logged every thing that is happening. Things may escalate when reality hits and she isn't getting the reaction from you she wants. Please take care of yourself. xxx

Thank you. I did wonder if I should contact the police again.

It seems to have stopped for now.

I've just let ds go off to the beach with FIL so I am going to switch my phone off and try to have a rest.

I just feel that my life is over.

I know I would be happiest with H. I know I'd rather it was me, H and ds together. With him having access to her child. Than me potentially sending ds to go off with him and either her, or whatever other woman he settles with. Who would then be step mum to my ds

But this man CHOSE to sleep with her without contraception. He willingly took that risk. It is all his fault. It wasn't a mistake. It was a total lack of any sort of love for me and ds and disregard for the consequences. He let this happen. He didn't care enough to make sure it didn't happen. (There is a chance it's not his. I know she wasn't faithful to him. But I'd bet my life it's his. She had all her dates planned out. She told me that on the phone. Her most fertile day in April was on my 30th birthday. They spent that weekend together. She knew exactly what she was doing. And he didn't care enough to stop her.)

I hate him for this. She has always been like this. Her bahviour is nothing new. He's the one who's married to me. He could have prevented all of this. If he'd wanted to.

Sorry. I'm rambling and totally irrational.

I'm going to log off and try to do something.

Thank you all again for your support. I really would be taking pills and vodka right now if it wasn't for you guys. I can't take this pain anymore.

I will come back later.

You don't want to be dead. You want to be happy. It's taking one hell of a time for that to happen, but it will eventually. One thing you can be sure of is that being dead will NOT make you happy!

Hold on for now. Lots of things may happen. She's claimed to be pregnant twice before, which turned out to be rubbish; she could have faked the test. I agree with those who suggest it may not be his (given that he claimed he was no longer seeing her about the time it was conceived - no?). She may miscarry. She's even more likely to decide she doesn't like this pregnancy lark and if it doesn't snare the man she wants she may as well terminate it. That's the safest outcome for the poor little soul, to be honest; no way the evil one would let you adopt him/her, precisely because she knows you would be a far better mother.

She hasn't got what she wanted. She has lifestyle envy. She can't be you and she never will. That's why she can't leave you alone.

Still think your H wants a major slap across the face. Now he's finally realised he was dating a total bunny boiler, he's gone running back to the wife - bringing bunny boiler on a string behind him. I'm not surprised you want to run away.

Last thought: did his moment of revelation come before or after he received the divorce papers? Sorry - cynicism is a bad habit.

Yes, you are absolutley right. It is just so maddening that this should happen just as he had started to come to his senses and realise what he wants.

You will work through this Baffy, I have every faith in you. Once you have got over the shcok of it all you will be able to look at it more objectively and decide what you want, decide what is best for you in the long term. Either way, whether you stay or walk, it's not going to be easy for you so, go with the decision that will make you happiest.

And ring the police! Just log everything, just to be on the safe side. It will be much easier than having to expalin everything from scratch should you need them in the future.

Baffy can you come and stay with one of us for a few days??? I think you need to be away from her!
I have never admitted this to anyone - when i found out OW was pregnant - the day she was supposed to have a termination but didn't - I met her and spoke to her - I asked her what she wanted from H (and me) - that we had been planning on getting back together - she just looked at me with a smirk and said she has what she wanted and he could never walk away from her now
I drove my car to the cliff tops - and sat right at the edge with the engine revving and thought how easy it would be to just keep driving over the edge - then it would all be over and I wouldn't have to hurt anymore - all I could see was a black future with her in it with no peace or happiness I was in a very dark place
But I couldn't leave my DD1 to him or her to anyone - she needed me I knew that and it is a year later, and I am dreading the OW baby birthday cos I know he will be there - BUT I am happy with or without him - when I lie on my bed with my beautiful DDs I am happy (really truly like I never thought I could be)- the pain and betrayal is always there but not so sharp like it takes your breath away, the thoughts of her and the baby are always there but not strong like a kick in the stomach, I think I am getting theree with or without him - I LIKE my life I love my children, my home, my friends - I am stronger I got through it - but it was the hardest thing I ever did
I am here Baffy we are here it will be ok and if anyone can promise you that I CAN x

Thank you. Thanks Annie. He was starting to suggest a reconciliation before the papers. That's why he refused to sign. But when he couldn't commit either way for definite I sent the papers anyway.

Circumstances in the last few weeks caused him to finally open up and say how much he loved me and wanted to sort it and what an absolute twunt he'd been.

We were so relieved at her 'not' being pregnant. Which is something I don't yet understand. Why she said she came on. She can't have done. But why would she have said that?

Unless he's been sleeping with her more recently than I know.

She's refusing to let him go to the scan with her. But I'm adamant that he should go because he needs to know the exact dates.

I'm fairly certain that he hasn't slept with her since that night he wrote his car off (as certain as I can be with the lying cheating scumbag!) so there is a small chance she's less further along than she says and it's someone elses child. Or it could be the other guy's child that she was seeing anyway.

I just know in the pit of my stomach it's H's. She's VERY clever and manipulative. She planned this perfectly. She TOLD us she was planning it! He just didn't care/listen.

I don't want to even think about her possibly losing it, or aborting, or it being someone elses. Because then I'd be setting myself up for a fall and I'm best dealing with the worst case scenario. Anything else is then a bonus. But I'm not holding my breath xx

Thank you macd. You made me cry. In a good way. But thank you xxxxx

Baffy I think you are overestimating her intelligence and underestimating how devious she is. Is hubby communicating with her again as a result of this...if so she has got what she wants hasnt she? He really must go to the scan, get dates and (if it comes to it) insist on a DNA test when the baby is born - I know its expensive but not as expensive as supporting a child who isnt yours for its whole life and you just KNOW when she loses interest in your hubby (and she will) she will just say "oh its not your baby anyway" then a child will be devastated too.

Can you trust him not to communicate with her if you ask him not to, or are you just right back at stage one again?

Oh and you have a MUCH more important reason than us not to resort to pills and alcohol - your DS needs you in his life...he obviously cant trust his father to look out for his best interests can he.

I always smell fish where OW is concerned!

Baffy, do you think that there is even the slightest possibility that she is trying to pull a fast one? That she could have got hold of a positive pregnancy tst from somewhere and is using that. (I wouldn't put it past her!)

I just wonder how, being the vindictive nutcase that she is, she managed to keep this to herself for so long. Why she hasn't tormented you with it before now.

I totally agree with WW!

It also seems odd that she doesn't want H at the scan with her. She has pulled out all the stops to get him then doesn't want him there to share in the glory You would have thought she would have loved having him there. Maybe Baffy, knowing how much she wants to be your friend, she would like you to go with her instead!!!

TFM - amount she gets about I expect she does smell of fish (sorry couldnt resist)

Baffy were the police involved before - I mean is she meant to be contacting you? I would mention it to the Police and personally I would be tempted to invest in a whistle...if she keeps calling and giving you the silent treatment then blow it down the phone...sorry a dog whistle wont work yeah another cheap gag at her expense! I used to have a whistle I used for dodgy phone calls when I lived alone.

I did all that - made H go to scan worked out dates (as it was he HAD been sleeping with her later than he said when he was begging me to put my wedding ring back on - he says she came to his flat and offered it on a plate ummmm ok so what about no thanks I love my wife and we are giving it another go )...
Oh they are so smart - they see that they have lost they feel it slipping away and so they see this as the one thing we have that they don't! But why oh why are the men such complete and utter arses they have been warned they know what they want or so they say.....and never think of a condom or their families at all
My advice is don't think of terminations/miscarriages/other men etc I did and it drove me mad - she promised she would have a termination but had no intention (and I felt so bad wishing a little baby away - I felt torn in two) - and as you do I knew in my gut it was his - she had planned the dates to perfection and had what she wanted .....I still feel angry that she gets such a wonderful wonderful gift from behaving so badly but then I have my DD's and they are what are important to me
You have your DS he was wanted and made from love he is your H firstborn nothing she will ever do can take that away from you ...nothing !

WW!! I resisted from making a joke about fishy fanjo's!!

MacD I just wanted to say how nice it is to read your posts these days. You really do sound as though you are happier, a lot less angry and more in control. It's lovely to 'hear' you talking so positively about your lovely dd's I really do believe that you are finally coming out the other side. I am so happy for you xx

Some more advice - don't try and get him to stop talking to her - he will have to if it is really his/she really is PG - one thing I promised myself not to do was make him choose between me/us and her baby - I couldn't face the thought of some poor kid being more stuffed up because of me ...he will just resent you if you try and stop him seeing baby not good for a future either together or as reasonable co parents!
Oh and H also spoke about getting custody - would I be prepared to help him look after baby yada yada - of course was never gonna happen was just a way to keep me involved ... Not sure I could have though anyway - though must say your OW sounds slightly more demented than mine

I just think its very horrible that a child is being bought into the world in these circumstances, what kind of life will it have? A crazy mother and (sorry Baffy) a feckless father, what goes through their heads thinking that conceiving a child will keep the man if he was already in a relationship and had a child when he met her

Very sad.

Oh baffy -please do tell the police or at least tell your solicitor what is going on. He can hardly not accept adultry if there is a baby now can he. Maybe ask SG for conformation to send to your solicitor so the divorce can be a quicker (surely she would want that!!!)

It does seem strange that she wants to really make you feel so bad though - she already knows she has lost and is hoping that even though she knows he does not want her you will kick him out and he will have no choice but to go to her.
We know his form (and pretty typical from what i have learnt) you dont want him he goes back to be 'comforted' by her and just about keeps you holding on. He knows he is getting to the end of this game and this may well be it now - one way or the other.

It just doesnt all add up somehow. Could you insist that he get a scan pic and let us see it - i may be able to give you an idea of dates.
How many weeks is she saying she is now? The earlier the scan the better for dates - so if you could get him to go and get some info it may be for the best.

Really thinking of you and always here - and yes the offer for a few days break is still there either with or without h.

McD you sound so much stronger now - as i knew you would - well done.

Dior hope your first day is going well.

Thanks everyone. I have caught up on a bit of sleep and feel slightly more compos mentis - if still numb. Saw DP briefly this afternoon but haven't spoken yet. Taking DD to my mums for a couple of days - DD is being so grown up and kind about this. One of her friends has had her own mother just announce that her boyfriend is moving in - this friend and DD both went through their parents breakup at the same time, so they support each other.

oh Baffy, so sorry again. She sounds completely insane. I know that probably doesn't help at all. Have you spoken to H since you found all this out? It does sound dodgy - do you think he told her you and he were working it out, and lo and behold, she found a spanner to throw in the works of your happiness. Fishy, fishy, fishy. What goes around comes around.