Glam & Fab Part 5 - Summer Loving

[macdoodle]

Gosh time for a new thread already
I'm up for a half term meet - tis the week of the bank hol here 26 May - I will be with sis in Hitchin prob from Sun 25 May most of that week so up for London or roundabout meetup

Ladythrush (is this just until the treatment works ) How good that he wants to talk though and say how he feels, i think the way he is feeling on there is down to how you have handled the situation. It's good that he ends it asking how you feel. Wish dp could be as open i think this is a testament to moving on and keeping open communication between you.

I approve of the getting glammed up and tottering around in heels

Ladythrush - do you know that letter could have been written by my h!! Is that how he is making his living now?.
He truely does sound sorry - i am so pleased for you.
It will not be easy, but will hopefully get easier with time.
Never doubt yourself (that is my biggest fault at the moment) and if things dont work out dont blame yourself.

lol Lloo. He finds it easier to email me than talk, but at least he is expressing himself.

Lily, I have found with P that the less 'emotional' and 'open' I am the more he is. Funny things relationships aren't they?

I blame Mills and Boon! The started all this romance and relationship stuff, they set the trends and the expectations. We should write our own books on the subject, RL 'romance'

HW - we're not married to the same man are we?

yes TFM that is it - if you are less gushing then they tend to make up for it.

We do both try and do something nice for each other every day now though - even if that is jsut a quick text or email to say we are thinking of them.

Mills and Boon......please TFM do stop this self-disclosure. You're wrecking your credibility my love

LT - i dont think i would care if we were married to the same man at the moment - it is working for us both .

My h now calls himself a born-again monogomist .

I do think men find tex/email easier tbh in general LT.
My problem is if i don't show emotion or discuss things i think he is glad as in his head i think he sees it as 'back to normal'. He can't deal with his own guilty feelings to find it in him to 'help me' deal with it when i bring it up never mind him ever broaching it in a conversation.
TFM yes they are 'funny'

lol at born-again monogamist Cheers to that

Yes lily I agree. I also don't think pretending it has never happened is good for the men even if it feels more comfortable iyswim. They have to have that epiphany.....that gestalt insight.........you know, the lightbulb moment in order to turn things around. Otherwise, what has really changed? Nothing.

LL I don't read the crap, the front cover witht he airy fairy woman and the dashing bloke always put me off. I prefer a bit of Nancy Friday or a good pshycology book. I am a lover of the mind

Lily, i think that is typical of a man. When you show emotion he is reminded of what he has done. He then gives you short shrift because he doesn't like himself for having hurt you so really he just wants you to shut up. I suppose it depends on the reason you are showing emotion and how you are showing it. Direct but calm talking works best in this house, I get a much better response from being direct than i do if i'm emotional.

When do you draw the line though LL? When would you stop punishing him or reminding him of what he has done? I wonder if that time would come when you have stopped hurting so much yourself (thinking out loud here) when the affair is a long way down the line and you find yourself not thinking about it.

See how I analyse everything

PS am just talking generally here, nothing i say is directed at anyone in particular

Good Grief you lot!! I left work at 2.30, cleaned upstairs and just popped on here before doing downstairs ... half an hour later I've caught up lol!!!
Firstly Macd I am SO proud of you! That post was the most positive one I've seen from you in ages (if ever!). Fwiw I think you are doing the right thing, giving him time to come forward and show you what he wants. The flowers and charming stuff is great but he has to sustain this for 6 months. I hope he does it for you, I really do.
PC and MacD we all seem to be in the 6 month limbo situation don't we - maybe 2009 will be our year (or are we going to be saying this every year till we are old ladies!!!)
Hi UC. I was in your situation 4½ years ago and I never to this day got to find out 'why', it still eats me up occasionally, and I so wish he'd sat me down and told me why he left. Listen to what he has to say - it might give you some closure (God I hate that word!!)
LT (love the new name!!) - that email was amazing, I've never met a man so articulate, I'm impressed!!!
TFM - I'm so glad that you are so happy and at peace now. Long may it last!
Now I'm off to hoover downstairs - you'll probably be on a new thread by the time I've finished

Wow - I go away for a couple of hours and come back to find another hour's worth of reading. Ain't you people got no work to do? . Got to go home now- DD survived her 'high school prom' - didn't phone me all day so I didn't know whether she'd got home to her friend's all right/ got kidnapped / lost my favourite handbag with my brand new phone in it - but no, all's well, I'm just turning into my mother and worrying too much!

Will catch up with you all asap

PS GU - good news about your DP - wish I could wean mine off the bottle...

They do need to have that lightbulb moment - or when the penny finally drops.

My h has had a few of those the latest being when he finally realised he could not work for the same company as her any longer - aghhhh - it just took him so long to figure it all out.

I dont think it is healthy to expect it to just be forgotten - this will always be a part of our lives from now on - we both try and make it as positive as possible but also realise there will be some times when it will pop up negativly. Thats just life.

GU - i hate the word closure too but not sure there is a better way of putting it.

MCD - well done - stay strong and remeber you do have the control now.

Hi Tannee!!
I'm sure its not permanent .
Shame because he's sooooo much nicer when he's off the drink.
Wow - high school prom sounds fab! I wish they'd had them when I was at school.
So now my house is clean and there's nobody here to mess it up! I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts

Paddlechick - thanks for the mail...I keep meaning to get some photos on so you know im not a hairy trucker, only problem is I am the family photographer!!

Dior I made the house presentable in about 15 minutes today (hoover downstairs, load dishwasher, make beds & bleach down the loo) DH commented on how nice it looked LOL - admittedly with a small amount of prompting as in "have you noticed what I have been doing today?"

Thanks all for the feedback. It is interesting to see what others think. I wouldn't show my mates as it would feel like a breach of confidentiality but on here none of you know him so it's ok

Message withdrawn

lily - just read your post back and realised you meant is the name change just til I've had the treatment! Yes it is! I thought you meant is the sentiment in his email just til I'm feeling better!!! I am obtuse

lily - just read your post back and realised you meant is the name change just til I've had the treatment! Yes it is! I thought you meant is the sentiment in his email just til I'm feeling better!!! I am obtuse