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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Glam & Fab Part 5 - Summer Loving

1000 replies

macdoodle · 15/05/2008 19:11

Gosh time for a new thread already
I'm up for a half term meet - tis the week of the bank hol here 26 May - I will be with sis in Hitchin prob from Sun 25 May most of that week so up for London or roundabout meetup

OP posts:
HappyWoman · 19/06/2008 07:47

Well it may hae been a kind offer but actually mine is a pigsty too so not sure if anyone would actually take me up on it.

I hate the 'sorting out' of all the crap toys my darlings have.

Managed to get 2 bags of rubbish and 2 bags of charity stuff from just one of their rooms last week. And they havent even missed the stuff .

Dior whatever he does just remember to be the best you can - it is not a competition, so dont get drawn in to his negativity.

lilyloo · 19/06/2008 09:27

HW know what you mean butif you sort it out when they are there you get 'don't throw that i need it' etc

McD hope everythings ok since you went to the solicitor, am thinking of you.

Baffy · 19/06/2008 09:31

I have an all day VAT meeting today (how lucky am I!!) so don't talk too much without me.

Hope you all have a lovely day

Dior · 19/06/2008 09:35

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HappyWoman · 19/06/2008 09:48

Well done dior - you are worth it - just remember that. We will get that self doubt out of you.

lilyloo · 19/06/2008 09:50

Good on you Dior

ladylush · 19/06/2008 10:27

Hello all Thanks for filling me in. Was very interesting to read what you all do. HW and TFM - people who belittle what SAHMs do have obviously never done it. I had a taste of it when on Maternity Leave. Very hard work. In my current job I am off work thurs and fri (work either sat or sun each week)but still find it hard to get the housework done on those days.

Lilyloo - I agree that doing your PGCE makes sense. That would mean you are paid more (on a rising scale)and would soon offset the money you lose by giving up work.

Baffy - impressed at your job. Like lily, I am number dyslexic and got a D in GCSE maths. Fortunately my numeracy is fine and I can do drug calculations (fortunately for my patients too)

HW and TFM - link between us in that we have all worked in the health domain. I personally have used the services both of you provide and hope you never need to use mine

GU - glad your p is not drinking. Agree that if anyone can inspire a drinker to stop, it is a child as they are so vulnerable. At least he is able to do that, many can't

Dior - it does rather sound like your h is over critical and controlling. It seems like the less you need him, the more responsive he is. A bit of a cat and mouse game. It will be interesting to see how your new regime (don't reconsider leaving work)will influence the dynamics in your relationship. I suspect as you get stronger and your self-confidence grows, he will become more insecure and will either try to bring you down or become more needy. He probably isn't remotely aware of what he is doing. If h told me I was obtuse I think I would throttle him. So pompous and rude

Off to docs this morning. Having problems with my bits Think I now have Thrush but can't tell because I've got my period at the same time. Took a canesten capsule on Monday but no improvement. Don't want to be uncomfortable whilst on holiday. We're going to Devon for a week.

Dior · 19/06/2008 10:54

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HappyWoman · 19/06/2008 11:03

So you will be changing your name to ladythrush then?

TimeForMe · 19/06/2008 11:43

pmsl at Ladythrush HW!

Hi everyone

LL thats a good point you make there. My P has been very controlling in the past and this has been due to his insecurity. I have managed to changed the dynamics in our relationship now to such an extent that, while on a trip to the coast on Saturday and for no particualr reason, he looked at me and said in the softest and saddest voice "I just want you to need me". He has never admitted that before, he has used control and emotional abuse to try to get me dependent on him. I was shocked to hear him say it but quite pleased because it led to us having a lovely discussion about how I don't have to 'need' him to want to be with him. Quite a turning point for us i think.

So Dior, show him what you are capable of, stick to your guns and don't seek his approval. Don't be his victim, fight it! It will be well worth it in the long run xx

Baffy · 19/06/2008 11:44

Ooh at the holiday LL. I can't wait for my week off next month, it can't come soon enough!

I just had the best meeting ever! I'd done all the background work, so within the first hour we'd covered everything! And then the VAT 'experts' (that'll probably charge us £500 an hour or something each!) couldn't add anymore and said it was all done in the best way it could be and she didn't think we needed further advice!!
We then spent half an hour 'filling' time with the odd bit of VAT chat and small talk... and she's just gone! Result!

I have half a day free now that I didn't expect to have. So have arranged tea with my best friend and her little ds, and will be out of here at 5pm

Finally something's gone right!

Just need to explain to my boss now why I've paid for lunch on the company to be delivered for 6 people in half an hour... when everyone's left! Oops!

Baffy · 19/06/2008 11:46

Wow TFM that's an amazing result! Brilliant!
Look at that compared to how you were just a couple of months ago. I won't dwell on that, but just to say I am so so so pleased to hear that he said that

Look how far you've come! All down to you! I'm smiling away at my desk here. Such good news.

TimeForMe · 19/06/2008 11:46

Well done Baffy!

As for the lunch, either invite your mum and ds over or take home doggy bags, after the wek you have had i think you deserve it!

Paddlechick666 · 19/06/2008 11:47

hi all. LL I'm an IT geek and I failed my maths cse. Showing my age there!
I'm off to Devon on Monday. Can't wait but a week's holiday is piling on the pressure at home and at work.
Hope everyone ok. Dior glad that you and h have moved on. Agree you need to manage h on a need to know basis LOL.
I'm busy hunting for a campervan and hassling my estate agent. They're on notice for 1st week of July and they didn't seem to give a toss that I'm going to change agents.
Got a few other ideas up my sleeve. Might need a bit of advice from your dp lily tho.
On the good side it seems asbo boy's mother has kicked him out after a big showdown involving the police whilst we were away camping.
Glad dd didn't witness it but LOL that I always miss the excitement and drama!

TimeForMe · 19/06/2008 11:50

Thank you Baffy I do feel very proud. Actually, I am very proud of him too because he has worked hard, he really has. And he continues to do so. I'm still not resting on my laurels though I've still got my feet planted firmly on the ground but this latest episode really does feel like a great acheivement.

Paddlechick666 · 19/06/2008 11:50

good news tfm and baffy.
In a meeting so sorry for brief messages!

Dior · 19/06/2008 11:54

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Dior · 19/06/2008 11:54

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Baffy · 19/06/2008 11:54

Talking about 'bits' LL - has anyone seen those 'embarrassing bodies' programmes?? It's a spin off from embarrassing illnesses and they went round the country for a week looking at all different body parts I think.

I watched it on sky so I'm assuming it may have been on before and I'm behind the times with this!

But the one on Tuesday was on boobs. And OMG! I'm so so critical of myself, but just watching one of those programmes makes me feel 100 times better!!

My point though, the next one they said is on willies. Looking forward to that one! But the one after that is on fanjos. And there was a clip of a woman who said she'd never ever let her husband see 'down there' for whatever the reason was...

Minutes later she has a film crew filming 'down there' and agrees to it being broadcast to millions of people!!!

How great must her husband have felt then! He's married to her and can't see it but she'll go on national TV!!

Sorry - your post just reminded me LL! Can you tell I have too much time on my hands today!!

TimeForMe · 19/06/2008 11:54

Hi PC, things are sounding good at your end! Thats great! Good luck with the camper van, I hope you find one soon, I reckon it will be your saviour, being able to take off just when you feel like it. You can come and camp in our drive! Thats good ews about the neighbours asbo son too, thank god for that! Good for you, giving the agent a kick up the bum too!

Dior · 19/06/2008 11:58

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TimeForMe · 19/06/2008 12:03

I think I saw that program first time round Baffy. The willys one is good it made me feel a lot better to know it's not just womens bits that go south or shrivel up. Wait til you see the 60 year old willy. Make sure you have your TV on zoom! You can hardly see it for wrinkles Oooh, and the guy with the infected willy and dirty filthy socks. It was obvious why his willy was infected, he was disgusting! As for the fanjo one, I read all about that on another MN thread, it's a corker! You should find the thread and have a read. It had the words fanjo lips in the title i think.

Dior, get yourself a packet of babywipes and everyday give the bathrooms a wipe around with those. Just give them a major clean once or twice a week. You have clean loo's and sinks everyday with little effort. Also, Fairy Power Spray is excellent for cleaning the bath and the shower, just squirt and leave for 10 mins of so and they will clean with little effort too. Stardrops with ammonia is great too, it smells really clean, i mix that with water and put it in an empty spray and use it for cupboards and worktops etc. I also give the laminate floor in the kitchen the once over with it.
Have you had a look at the good housekeeping thread? You can pick up some really good tips on there.

Baffy · 19/06/2008 12:08

Dior when I was off I used to do tidy round (no toys/bits lying around - even if they were shoved in cupboards and toy boxes!!), then dishes done and clean round kitchen - again things in cupboards so surfaces are clean and clutter free.

Beds made. Quick hoover. Dust over main things in living room. Spray of air freshener. And quick go over the bathrooms, including with bleach/toilet stuff in the loo so that's smelling good!

Fresh flowers in the hall/living room also good touch. As is a 'home made' meal cooking in the oven (see TFM's earlier tips!)

But when I was off with ds that whole routine (excluding cooking) used to take me an hour tops while ds was asleep, especially if I kept on top of it, and it made a really big difference.

Once a week I'd do a 'proper' clean. Moving things to hoover. Polish. Scrub bathroom. Wash beds. Windows etc. But you can rotate those each week depending on how you feel and what really needs doing. Keeping on top of the housework once you have a routine I think should be fairly straight forward. It honestly didn't used to take me long. And I'm a bit OCDish with cleaning at times!

Dior · 19/06/2008 12:08

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Dior · 19/06/2008 12:09

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