Glam & Fab Part 5 - Summer Loving

[macdoodle]

Gosh time for a new thread already
I'm up for a half term meet - tis the week of the bank hol here 26 May - I will be with sis in Hitchin prob from Sun 25 May most of that week so up for London or roundabout meetup

Good and i would put that in writing to the director too so he knows you won't be staying behind to pick up the pieces!

Baffy - you really do need to make that time for yourself.
H has learnt a lot from our experience and is now much harder on himself. No-one at work is going to say 'time to stop' but if you set yourself some limits you will soon find people will respect them.
H is an early bird - often in the office by 7am and would make calls earlier if he could, but he rarely takes calls in the evening and anyone calling him at the weekend gets flack.
He has also learnt not to always answer emails - once people are aware that you still read them without having to respond it realy does cut your work down. He also now tries to limit collecting emails at certain times so there is not a constant stream of them - again staff learn that he is not 'on-call' 24/7 and will often find their own solutions.

But i realise all this is easier said than done.

Hope you are ok mcd and you are still feeling the strength from your meeting.

Just done a big shop and am still in shock at how much i have spent, i swear things are going up weekly at the moment.

hw i know what you mean i am currently shopping round trying to cut my food bill at the mo, think it's getting extortionate but there are some good threads on here to help cut costs.

Still at work!!

I'm not leaving until this is done tonight.

But that means I will be around for a full catch up tomorrow... so you'll be sick of me by the end of the day!

Have a nice evening everyone

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Blimey Baffy - those hours Look after yourself lady The more you stay late, the more it will be expected. It irks me no end that the 'can't be arsed brigade' at work leave shift early, whereas others are still there after hours dealing with problems..........and no thanks given - it's just expected. Sound familiar?

TFM - you may be very wise, but oh my ......your taste in music
In answer to your question, I am a Clinical Charge Nurse at a Psychiatric Intensive Care Unit (soon to be a CPN - Community Psychiatric Nurse).

Dior - interesting that your sister has BPAD. That automatically makes your risk of MI higher and means stressful life events are likely to have even more of an impact than in someone who has no genetic susceptibility. That is why you need to try to do your level best to manage your stress. Reduce it where possible - e.g your resolve to give up work is excellent. Going to WW is an empowering thing which will boost your self-esteem. Meeting up with friends - again, excellent. More time for craft........doing something you are talented at and which you enjoy. All good

HW - I hope to be where you're at in a year's time. It's encouraging to read your optimistic posts. Apart from us, who do you talk to when you are feeling low or vulnerable?

Can everyone tell me what work they do (including those with the hardest job of all.........SAHM) Thanks

Good morning everyone

Sorry I wasn't around yesterday, I know how much you will have missed me I spent the day with DP's gran. She is terminally ill with lung cancer and finding it really hard to come to terms with it. She is now in the loveliest nursing home but is not settling at all, she wants to go home terribly sad.

LL I am a SAHM now. I worked as a Practice Manager for a dental practice for many years but had to give it up. I'm coming to terms with being a SAHM now, but it's bloody hard remembering to run round spraying polish before DP comes home after spending a day in the garden I do go through phases of hankering after a working life but, I just read Baffy and PC's posts to remind me how lucky I am being able to stay home.
Now, I must clear up my taste in music, i do not want to go down in Teabag history as a Nerd! I love any music, if I like the song I like the artist, I'm not stuck in a fixed trend, I am sooooo with it!!

Lush - I will talk to anyone willing to listen - and dior will back me up there too.
I have a couple of very close friends who were there before and during the really awful times so really do know all the details. One very good friend stayed with me the first 2 nights h left and i really dont think i could have done it without her and her DH.
I have never been one to just 'soldier on' and not show my emotions - not sure if that is good or not though.
I am also not one of those people who when asked 'how are you' will just say 'fine' when actually i am struggling.
You lot have been great as it has helped me to sort my head out a lot but it is still not the same as a cuppa and a chat.

I feel i am a lot more true to myself now too so if i feel a bit low then i will either choose to 'wallow' for a bit or try and shake it off somehow. I think it is healthy to show others that life is not always fantastic - and i hope my children have learnt that too. Of course my children are always able to lift my spirits anyway.

I am now a SAHM but would love to find something more to do now as DD is about to start school.
I am a sonographer (baby scans) and radiograper, although have not worked for a long time.
I have recently started working for a private company that does 3d baby scans - which i love but want to do something more.

Trouble is i do not want to commit to too many hours - with 4 DC there is always so much to do and i still love being here for them after school and during holidays.

It really is a full time job just keeping house for them all.

I do feel lucky in that i can pretty much do as i like during the days and just like TFM as long as there is a whiff of polish i get away with saying how busy i have been.

Lunch and tea out today with friends - what a life .

Hope you are ok Mcd - do let us know how you are today.

Not to mention the cost of childcare HW. I priced up the before and after school club. It's £8 for a morning session and £12 for an after school session!! I would be working for nothing! Plus, I do so love being able to take dd to school and pick her up at the end of the day. I missed out on that with the other three. It's nice to be there for her when she is ill too, much better than trying to convice her that she isn't really that poorly so that I wouldn't get into trouble by taking a day off work. Something I had to resort to whilst working No, as mind numbing as it can be sometimes it's much less stressful being a SAHM.

I agree TFM
I worked full time with DS1 right up until my due date with DD1, I was then lucky enough to be able to work part time which was fantastic really was the best of both worlds. Then after DS2 found it just too much to try and juggle everything so gave up completely. DH was pleased too as it meant i could 'support' him too - so got to do all the washing ironing and household budgets.... in fact he had it too easy really and could concentrate on his career.

I think that is why i was so angry with the affair because i felt i had given up so much for his precious career and actually did deserve some of the credit for what he had achieved. He didnt even have to make his own dentist or doctor appts . I really did mother him.

What makes me angry too is the way some other woman (yes the ow did this), see that i am somehow less than they are because i choose not to juggle home and work.
One comment which i will never forget is that she thought i was lazy . Now i know i am sometimes - but no more than anyone else is i dont think.
But i think too that once H started to think straight again he could see that she really was not that nice a person - and certainly not the kind of woman he wants .... he is disgusted that she left her children and said it was for him - what kind of person does that ffs.

Now i am much happier being at home and really dont care if others think i am not doing my bit because i know i am now.

I totally, totally agree HW!

I can relate to everything you said there. I used to feel just the same about being a SHAM but I don't care what anyone thinks now. It works best for my family and thats all that matters. I'm not going to go out to work, work to pay someone to look after my daughter whilst i struggle juggling work and homelife just to prove to others that I can do it. As for being lazy, I have lazy days too, (like today ) but, I'm up at 5am every morning and have usually done most of my chores before dd gets up!

I was the same with P too, I would do everything for him, PA and mother rolled into one. The last time he asked me to make him an appointment at the doctors I handed him the telephone number! He makes his own calls now I am his partner now not his secratary.

I do love being a SHAM but I would love it more if I had some recognition for all that I do and if it was recognised as a 'proper' job. Maybe we should lobby parliment. We could do a roof top sit in/on

I will tell you what else i do HW, once i've got the chores out of the way I shower, do my hair, makeup and I dress up. I dress just as nocely as I would if i were going out to work, it makes me feel better about myself and i think it also commands some respect from others. A couple of the mums at school have assumed that I do go out to work because I dress for it. I take my job as a SAHM very seriously!

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Oh my God Dior!! Don't you dare let that man do this to you. You stick to your original plan and concentrate on getting well. I know you feel you should be able to talk to him and get support but it's obvious that you don't so, in furture just keep your plans to yourself. Don't tell him!! Just come on here and tell us. I will admit now that P can be Mr Negative so I don't tell him everything, if I think I am going to get a negative response which will only serve to wind me up then I keep quiet. I no longer set myself up for a fall

I think though Dior that i find that easy to do now because I no longer seek his approval for anything, I don't need him to tell me "well done" or agree with me. I neverhardly ever got that anyway but, i am much happier within myself for not having to suffer the fallout of his negativity. I think if you could do the same it would help you with your efforts to build your self esteem too. Yes, he is your husband and he should be supportive of you and happy for you but for some reason he seems to prefer to control you. Well don't let him, don't give him the opportunity!!

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Some men Dior, feel threatened by thought thought of their wives being happy. They feel safer having an insecure and needy wife. I wonder if your H see's a change in you already, see's you that you are already feeling happy with your decision and this makes him feel insecure. Often controlling men are insecure men. Try not to absorb what he says, don't take it on board. See it as his problem not yours xx

Hi everyone!! Gosh its taken me about an hour to catch up on all this!
In my case the OW won, so its interesting to hear all your pov?s and I do wonder how I would have handled things if he?d wanted to come back and try again. I know I wouldn?t have been as dignified or forgiving as any of you and I really admire and respect you all for that. I?ve still never met the OW in my case, but if I had at the time I would certainly have scalped her!
Baffy ? you are superwoman! I do worry about you though. I think someone at work needs to know what you are up against, it would cost them a lot of money if you end up signed off with stress, not to mention that you could make yourself ill by trying to do too much.
I was a SAHM for 7 years (apart from part time evening jobs here and there) and I loved it, now I?m back working as a secretary part time. I love my job, and I do 20 hours a week, but that is enough. I couldn?t handle it full time.
Well done Dior for making the decision to resign. I think it will do you good and your jewellery is amazing. You should be making a fortune.
Anyway. I suppose I ought to do some work before I get fired!!!

You need to show him that you need business Dior. Don't let his words bring you down, get tough!! When you have his respect, you will have his support. Gosh, I so wish I had the space to write about how I changed things around here. The main points are though that I no longer seek anyones approval, no just P's but also, I stopped being a victim, I stopped letting his negativity bring me down. I stopped feeling sorry for myself and I stopped trying to be what I thought he wanted me to be. I have more respect from him now than I ever have had, he knows not to mess with me now I've had to toughen up and realise that the only person who can make me happy is me. So sod him Dior, you just go for it!!

God Dior - it took me so long to type that last post that I missed your latest one.
I may be wrong but it does seem that every time you start to feel happy about something your H wants to pull you down again.
TFM is right - maybe it makes him feel threatened.

I meant mean business Dior not 'need' business.

Hi GU Nice to 'see' you xx

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