Glam & Fab Part 5 - Summer Loving

[macdoodle]

Gosh time for a new thread already
I'm up for a half term meet - tis the week of the bank hol here 26 May - I will be with sis in Hitchin prob from Sun 25 May most of that week so up for London or roundabout meetup

Give me a flat and a cat and sod the blokes! They are all trouble on way or another

Noooooooo! You'd become one of those weird women that smell of cat wee!

Men do have their uses!

I'll have the rich director ta...closer to me seeing as I am now 37 when the F did that happen
I only have ONE criterion for my next husband RICH - I don't think men can handle women who are more successful/earn more than them and a big cause of problems between me and H and now thanks to him I am well and truly skint - so rich for me next time - can be grey, hairly back, jesus sandals and all

elbows Mac outta the way!

ahem! I believe I nabbed him first and I am older than you!

for once being old is in my favour!

WW, I have emailed you.

Bloodly hell - i go to work and you start debates, sort out baffys problems and start a dating agency too . Its taken me about half and hour to catch up too.

Well feeling a bit odd today.
Board meeting where H tells them he is leaving is today.

Logically I know it is for the best and it is a great move and he will probably do better.......
But I am angry that it will probably be made out to be for 'personal' reasons and that somehow implies that i cannot 'handle' it.

I suppose i want the whole world to know the reason is her and that the firm has 'choosen' to keep her rather than H.

I want too much - i want work to acknowledge that i have done more than is reasonable by not causing a fuss and 'exposing' her. I want them to be so grateful to me. aghhhhhhhh, my head is spinning with it all.

I know i should just move on have a good life and be happy (which i am most of the time), but today is so hard.

This is not what we had planned for our lives and i feel i want to 'hurt' her for her part in all this. I know she will be hurting too but i want everyone to 'blame' her for the firm losing H.
And i feel wicked for wanting to still cause her pain in her professional life. And be able to somehow witness it.

I want to scream at her -'are you happy now you have got what you want? Now you can have his job too.' I know she didnt get h but I am not sure she really wanted him anyway - just the good bits really. Aghhhhhhh again.

Hi everyone, sorry, been away from the computer enjoying the sunshine & 2 days of DP's company (when he wasn't asleep or vegging on the sofa).

Hairy backs - eeugh shudder! I once had a bf like that - AND he was v small iykwim. Relationship didn't last ...

lol Tanee!

HW I totally understand.

Why don't you turn up to the Board meeting and let it all out!! I know I'd want to do that!

I'm sure they all know the real reasons behind everything. A lot more than you'll realise.

You've come out of this looking strong and dignified.

The same cannot be said of her!

Baffy I am sure they all do know and tbh I am not sure what i want to gain from this now. Just want to see and know that those dickhead men think I am great and wonderfull and lots of other nice things - just like you lot do.

And i want to say - 'look if you tossers had done the decent thing in the first place and had it all in the open either you would have sorted this out a long time ago and she would be gone because of the shame.

I also still feel a bit angry with myself as i think if i had not been so 'nice' in the beginned and so accomodating about the 2 of them still working together we may not be in this situation right now.

I know what you mean Tanee

HW, I should imagine there will be a huge amount of relief once your H leaves the company.

There's no point in berating yourself for the way you handled things when first happened.

I don't know all the details of course but tbh, I don't really see what the company could have done to "punish" her. Surely any disciplinary action would have to have been taken against both your H and the OW and only if there was a clear company policy on relationships amongst the staff.

Again I don't have all the info so forgive me if I speak out of turn but, IMO the company don't have any duty of care or responsibility to you. Only to their staff.

Ultimately, whether they handled it properly (legally or morally) they are going to end up losing a key member of staff.

The OW didn't get his job, she isn't happy with what she did get and I am 100% that the office rumour mill will be pinpointing just exactly why your H has decided to leave.

Ultimately, it's all so very very very close to having a line drawn underneath it.

New job, fresh start without OW constantly in the picture.

I admire you enormously for having the dignity to not cause a hellish scene and to support your H in his job under extremely hard circumstances.

You have retained your dignity and you should be proud of that. Don't let that pride be tarnished by bitterness towards H's employer.

Hello ladies

Its been a while!

Id forgotten how much you precious women can gass!!!!

Never ceases to amaze me that even when your going through heartbreak and misery you all still keep your sense of humours.

Just had a read through to catch up and ive gone from being happy to know your all still on here to wanting to kick your dh's up the rear to near on crying that any of you are still hurting

I will have to get on here more often to catch up and be in the loop.

All well here. Been busy setting up my new ebay empire! lol .Well actually just selling lots of gorgeous clothes on ebay.I have become addicted.

Now i have made the break i will try and get on more often.

Not been out of sight out of mind i do think of you all.

Big wave to new people unless your not new people just name changers?!

xx

Gosh, just checked my credit card online and got shock of my life! Someone has used it fraudulently to the tune of £250!!

Aparantly it has been used to buy festival tickets! Well I hope it rains and they have a lousy time!

Hi Sugar nice to 'see' you xx

TFM - oops, sorry, that must have been me - but it's going to be a great festival !!

And lol at the sausage roll!!! have to say I've become a fan of circumcision - DP had problems as a toddler and his mummy took him to the hospital... (tmi!!....

Thanks tfm and pc

Yes i have gained a lot from this - i know myself better than i did and have more direction in my life now and lots of you lovely new friends.

PC They did not have a policy in place but do now (as there has just been a similar incident - but it took that one not me asking for a policy to get one .)
They could have sacked her or him or both i agree - what hurts though is that she was promoted and in effect he got his wrists slapped (slight reduction in pay this year). Both he and I warned them he may leave if this happened but i dont think anyone really believed it.

The trouble is because it is so sensitive with clients and the like we have not been able to tell everyone and move on. We have both been 'good' to his firm and now that it is over i feel a bit angry and wish i had not been so gracious at all. I suppose i just want some thanks for that and some recoginsion that i could have caused a lot of trouble. But maybe that is just me wanting it all as usual .

I dont want to care what happens now to her but i still do.
I also dont want anyone to think i was a pathetic and weak for not doing anything iyswim. And yet i know it does not matter what anyone else thinks as long as we are happy.

I just feel so pathetic as i know i dont really want to do anything now so i will have to be content with punching that pillow again and screaming when i go for my next run.

Anyway thanks for letting me rant on here it does help.

Oh gosh HW, I really don't think you can be described as pathetic or weak and, you didn't do 'nothing', you fought bloody hard to get your relationship back on track and keep your family together. I actually believe you have done far more than anyone in this whole mess, all H had to do was stop seeing OW and put up with the crap at work, you have had a lot more to deal with and to cope with than that. You have had the huge responsibility of being forgiving and for making every effort not to make H suffer for his actions. There have been times when I know you have felt low but, rather than take it out on H you have come on here and ranted instead. I could go on an on but, the bottom line is I think your H has been and is a very lucky man, he should be very bloody grateful that you have stood by him and continued to support and defend him! Also, FWIW i think everything you are feeling is perfectly normal, it's just that you have the good grace to be honest with yourself about how you feel but also have the dignity not to have acted on it. I think you have handled everything perfectly and you will have come across as a very strong and 'together' kind of woman. Who cares what anyone else thinks anyway, it's what you think that matters.

You need to start believing in yourself young lady and giving yourself praise and a pat on the back where it is due!! You should be very proud of the way you have handled things!!

Pssst Tanee - SNAP!

Message withdrawn

Hello sugar it's great to see you

TFM what a nightmare about the credit card. Are you covered to get it back?

HW I totally undestand everything you're saying. I find it hard to offer any advice because I know I would be exactly the same

People have always said to me that the best revenge is to be happy.
I hope that over time your happiness will far outweigh these thoughts and every time something like that pops into your head, you push it out and replace it with a happy thought.
Agree with TFM you've shown far more strength than anyone in this whole nightmare and you thoroughly deserve your happy ending. Focus on that

HW you are so not pathetic!

You, my friend, are approaching the end of an awful chapter in your life.

I think that is why maybe all these feelings are so strong right now. H's final departure is bringing it all back and it's enhanced by the fear of the unknown with his new job and the resentment that you shouldn't have to face that fear because things could have been handled differently.

You're doing fantastically well and rant or scream away as much as you wish.

Bloody men its almost like H knows when I am feeling strong enough to move away from him emotionally and changes tack
He has actually listened to me tonight (I tried not to rant) but he really seemed to listen to what I was saying without getting angry or turning it around to blaming me - its those bloody stupid crumbs again ...
I wish I knew whether he really wanted ME or whether he just doesn't want to lose me - there is a difference see isn't there??
Baffy I suspect yours is the same ??
I am STILL going to the solicitor don't panic anyone ....I can't keep going round and round - there won't be any of my heart left to break

Horrid thought - this is emotional abuse isn't it really ??? Never thought of myself as an abused woman before

Hi everyone

Thanks again - not really feeling much better today as did not get much sleep and H not home because of trouble on trains and he needs to be in early today - so he stayed over .

PC I think you are right in that the end is in sight but not quite there yet - I want it to be over but I am also scared of what is ahead for us too.

It has brought a lot of feelings back and when H says 'trust me on this' I get so angry as I dont have to trust him. I need to make sure my life is the best it can be and hope it is all the better for him sharing in that.

I suppose I will live with the fact that I have done the best thing for me by not 'punishing' her.

Then again now is the perfect time to see if the saying 'revenge is a dish best served cold' is true..

McD - glad you are still seeing the solicitor - those crumbs wont satisfiy you for long.
I think that you have asked the question you need to 'is he doing this because he wants you - or just doesnt want to not be able to have you?' Ohh is that another double negative? but you get my drift.

If he is wanting YOU - believe me he will stay and take all the sh*t you throw at him, and will still be there no matter what. In fact if he can pass that test, to stand and take all that you thow at him to the point where you actually feel sorry for him then he is worth giving another try - well that is my experience.

Ask Dior - my H now has a huge thumb-print on his head. .

Have a good day ladies and lets start planning the next meet up soon.

Good morning Ladies

Yes, I am covered and I will get the money credited back to my card. The bank stopped the card immediately so the gits can't use it again. The idiots have actually used it over the internet to buy tickets that have to be POSTED out to them! So unless they also have a bogus address set up they will be caught anyway

HW PC is spot on with her post, you are also going through a big change in your life with H leaving his job so that too is bound to bring up some insecurities. Change is good but sometimes 'better the devil you know' makes us feel a lot more comforable.
You have to be a lot more forgiving of yourself, you seem to carry such a weight of responsibility and think you are a bad peson for having feelings that deem to be less than forgiving of H and the whole situation. I think you have been marvellous! More than forgiving! You should be very proud of yourself.

MacD, I wouldn't call it emotional abuse, more depseration. He can sense the change in you and that is making him feel insecure. He will try to reel you in like a fisherman with a line and bait. Just tell him the line has broken and the fish has got away. Enjoy this time, take pleasure from the fact that you have made him feel insecure that he is losing you, that he is not going to be hving his cake and eat it for much longer, gain strength and confidence from this, don't let him project any of what he is feeling onto you. Start and see him for what he really is, detach yourself from him, that is the only way to stay strong. And like i said to Baffy, never mind what he wants, think about what you want, and do not compromise yourself to get it. Don't be taken in by the fact he has listened to you and he hasn't got angry, it's a good start but it's far too early to be thinking he has changed.

OK, waffled enough. It's raining here today, the garden will be delighted. I bet your turf is too HW, nothing like a good rain shower to make things in the garden grow

Have a lovely day everyone xxx

Yes HW, you have done the best for you in not punishing her BUT, only if you are not punishing yourself instead. Me thinks you still need some kind of closure on this, with OW not H. I get the feeling you have things you need to get off your chest before you can finally lay this one to bed. Of course I may be wrong and forgive me if I am. xx

Forgive me if I'm wrong again, (I've got my CSI head on after the credit card business, analysing everything ) BUT, when you say you wonder what is ahead for you, do you think a little part of you could be worrying that H may not feel he has to work quite so hard at the relationship and be as reassuring when he has left the company. That he will think that leaving makes everything alright and 'thats that' sort of thing. That you should be over it because it's all done and dusted. That once he leaves you will be expected to get back to some sort of 'normality' within your relationship.

If this is the case then yes, he may well expect you to just get over it and 'trust him' (ha!) but if you don't feel able to trust him then don't feel bullied into it. It's easy for him, it was just a sexual thing, for him it is over, for you it was more than that, it affected your whole life, it shattered your confidence, it changed everything, not just for the period it was going on but forever. He has to understand that. You will be living with the fallout for a long time, and he should be alongside you supporting you through it. xxx

hey tfm, what festival? My glasto ticket arrived yesterday. H bought on his card and delivered to my address so I'd say its entirely possible for them to get those tix delivered.
What you can do is contact the ticket agency with the transaction details and tell them your card has been skimmed and ask them to void the tix.
The biggest area of exposure for card skimming at the moment is petrol stations. Either pay at the pump or use cash when filling up.
The wanderlust is still giving me itchy feet. Told h yesterday that as long as I've got his maintenance and the flat rent covers the mortgage I could sell my car and buy a campervan, take a career break and bugger off for 6m!
rather annoyingly he said 'cool go for it'. Was kinda hoping to get a rise outta him!