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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Glam & Fab Part 5 - Summer Loving

1000 replies

macdoodle · 15/05/2008 19:11

Gosh time for a new thread already
I'm up for a half term meet - tis the week of the bank hol here 26 May - I will be with sis in Hitchin prob from Sun 25 May most of that week so up for London or roundabout meetup

OP posts:
ginnedup · 11/06/2008 13:03

Baffy!!! Does this man know what your life's been like the last 18 months? Even if he doesn't that's no excuse. What a sleaze.
As for the work colleague, say much as you'd love to you've made a rule never to mix business and pleasure. That way you come out looking ultra professional and he comes away with his ego intact.
Baffy the man magnet - I can totally see why

Baffy · 11/06/2008 13:05

Funny you should say that PC - this place (for a fairly small company) has more lesbians than I can count!!

One of the other Directors in a lesbian. And she's had at least 5 or 6 high profile relationships with other women in the business!

I could be opening up a whole new can of worms for myself with that one!!

I really don't think all
men are like this but I sadly think that there is a higher proportion of men (and women) than we think who are willing to take the risk on a fling regardless of the consequences. And that's just it. They don't think through to the consequences. Because if they did it wouldn't happen!

Baffy · 11/06/2008 13:07

Haha man magnet I wish!

It's a faulty bloody magnet too isn't it... attracts all the wrong men! Do you think I can get a refund?!

TimeForMe · 11/06/2008 13:09

Well I suppose men wouldn't be able to cheat if they didn't have women to cheat with them. So, are women really any better than men? (TFM has time on her hands today so attempts to start a debate )

WilyWombat · 11/06/2008 13:12

Hmm doesnt surprise me really Baffy through experience of men at that level its pretty much par for the course...its the whole alpha male thing...they have the drive to climb to the top but unfortunately also try to climb attractive females who cross their paths too!! Ive worked with a few left attractive wife number 1 for younger attractive wife number 2 and so on.

Appart from any moral judgements (and we all know what we think on that one) he is really dis-respecting you professionally.

Baffy · 11/06/2008 13:13

No, women are worse!

Baffy · 11/06/2008 13:15

I should clarify on the Director/Boss person - he is actually single, divorced 2 years ago and has two girls aged 8 and 9.

His wife left him after an affair for the other man.

I wonder if he thinks he has something in common with me

The married one is the family friend.

Who has just received a very sharp text from me! I think I've made it clear

WilyWombat · 11/06/2008 13:22

Well the married one is a sleaze and the director...hmmm im not a big believer in work relationships very hard if it doesnt work out (voice of experience again) BUT dont rule him out completely if hes single just take a while to suss him out first You dont want to jeopardize your career/make things difficult do you.....on the other hand most people do meet their partner at work so im obviously in the minority on that one!!

lilyloo · 11/06/2008 13:26

Baffy lol at having a dodgy magnet
PC sorry to hear things still so tough wih house it's a nightmare!DP started a new job yesterday but he wanted me to thank you for your help he really appreciated it.
Although on this morning a woman said the market should stabilise itself it's just when!

Paddlechick666 · 11/06/2008 13:29

women who get involved with men they know are married or aren't free agents are just as bad as the men.

women are as manipulative and predatory as men in their own way.

in some cases i would actually say that women are worse. they are calculating and in my experience play the long game.

men tend to be pretty niave and stupid about it all. when they eventually notice that a woman is making a play for them they believe her that it's not serious, it can just be a bit of fun and no one ever has to know.

of course it's too late to go back once they realise they've been sucked in by a psycho witch with the morals of an alley cat who's well and truly got her claws into him.

then when they do eventually realise what a mess they are in, instead of being intelligent enough to own up and come clean to their family they weave an ever bigger web of lies to try and cover their tracks.

the only satisfaction from any of this is that eventually, when they have lost or nearly lost everything, they will come to hate the woman who engineered their downfall.

she just moves on to her next victim.

tbh, they're as bad as each other but the woman who deliberately sets out to get a guy who is attached is evil in my opinion.

WilyWombat · 11/06/2008 13:31

LOL Baffy when you say WAAAY too old - how old is that?

Paddlechick666 · 11/06/2008 13:32

lily, pleased dp has a new job and hope that will make things a bit more secure for you guys.

that it had to come to that tho. if the market does stabilise/come back would he be able to pick up again?

also [selfish icon] will he still be able to help me shift my mortgage if needs be?

Paddlechick666 · 11/06/2008 13:32

oh and baffy, can I have your director? sounds more like my age bracket

ginnedup · 11/06/2008 13:33

I didn't used to think this way, but I am starting to think that all men have the capacity to cheat given the right situation.
(i.e. they think they'll get away with it)
It makes me that I'm so bitter and twisted, but every man I have ever been out with has cheated, except current DP but quite frankly, who else would want him!!!

Baffy · 11/06/2008 13:45

I think that could be true ginnedup

WW at a guess, I'd say he's 45-50. Very grey hair which makes him look older.
But that's waaaay to old, seeing as I'm just 30 isn't it!

GU you aren't bitter and twisted. Just wise

Yes lily will he be able to get back into it eventually? In a selfish way I was also hoping he'd help me when I buy later this year!

WilyWombat · 11/06/2008 13:46

I am amazed how many women think their husband "would never" cheat...maybe im a horrible old cynic but much as I know that DH is a "nice" man, not naturally promiscous I would never rule out the possibility given the right/wrong set of circumstances.

Of course on some threads I would then be tagged as "insecure" but I would say I was realistic and its not something I waste any time fretting over. What will happen will and who knows I may be pleasantly surprised if it doesnt!!

ginnedup · 11/06/2008 13:47

Lily - maybe he should start up as the official MN / Teabag mortgage advisor!!! Glad you had a good holiday and that he's got a job, even though it wasn't what you really wanted.

WilyWombat · 11/06/2008 13:49

Baffy - long term id say that was a bit too much of an age gap really and best to keep the short term flings out of the workplace

TimeForMe · 11/06/2008 13:53

I agree GU but I dont think that makes you bitter and twisted, just makes you a realist

I also agree with everything PC has said. I have had the odd invitation of the 'leg over' kind in my lifetime but would never even have contemplated it. For a start I cannot lie and to cheat on P I would have had to lie and secondly, no matter how much of a pita he can be sometimes I could never have hurt him in that way (or in anyway really) Plus, I would never want to play second best to a wife or partner, which is what i would be, I don't want someone else's leftover's thank you very much!

My 'friend' was seeing a married man for a while. Now she is playing the victim and blaming him for everything, threatening to 'out' him to his wife and everything. She was hapy to go along with him and decieve his wife but now she is the woman scorned it is all his fault. No way Hose! You get involved with a married man and you are equally responsible, you cause your own pain!

Anniegetyourgun · 11/06/2008 13:54

GU, your DP does cheat on you - it's just that it's with a bottle instead of a woman.

TimeForMe · 11/06/2008 13:56

I totally agree with you WW but I am not a cynic. I am not insecure either, I'm just not foolish enough to believe it would never happen to me. Not that I'm calling anyone a fool for believing it wouldn't happen to them

Thats good news re DH Lily, I'm really pleased for him

ginnedup · 11/06/2008 13:58

Very true Annie - not sure which is worse tbh. I sometimes feel like I could compete with another woman, but I've got no chance against the booze

TimeForMe · 11/06/2008 13:59

Age is just a number Baffy, he could be the nicest, sweetest man you will ever meet. I once went out with a man 13 years older than me, distinguished, caring, lovely. He just had this horrendously hairy back which was also turning grey. Put me off totally. Plus, he wore Jesus sandals and socks. Looked lovely in his suit but the Jesus sandals? Noooooooo Waaaaay! Call me shallow if you like

lilyloo · 11/06/2008 13:59

Would agree with that GUP i think it's just life experience which is but i honestly believe if they get it offered on a plate most are too (insert whatever word you see fit here) to turn it down!

Thanks guys, no we can't really see him returning to it now we will be paying off the debt of it for at least the next 8 years so not sure we would take the risk again but who knows! It's definately nice to know he will get fixed wage again but awful commute he leaves before kids are up and he was home for end of bath time last night i think he finds this harder but we aren't the only ones!
But he can certainly point you in right direction if/when any of you need help with mortgage give me/him a ring definately

Baffy · 11/06/2008 14:15

Thanks lily

Annie I think you have a point. GU I think they are both as bad as each other. Not a choice that anyone would want to make. The alcohol and the OW. Both truly evil if they're allowed to take over your life and rule your choices.

And I'm afraid I just can't do the grey hair thing!
I have enough of my own!!

I feel young, I'm just starting out having my family and shaping my life. I want children. I want everything that goes along with that. And I want a partner who is on that wavelength. Not someone who's been there, done that, had the family, got the ex-wife, and wants to settle into early retirement with all his cash!

No way hose!! Give me a skint, gorgeous, hunky, toned, dark haired loser any day!!

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