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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Husband and I will be splitting up

199 replies

Housewife8 · 10/04/2025 03:52

My husband and I will be splitting up I am moving out of the marital house and moving in with my mum and dad and the children don't know because I am leaving them with my husband has anyone else left their children

OP posts:

Goldbar · 12/04/2025 14:13

Welshmonster · 12/04/2025 09:07

Why can the dad move out but the mum can’t as children will feel abandoned?

so long as it is explained to the kids.

also leaving dad to become the single parent will probably have him begging you to move back and he move out.

you don’t love him anymore and still love your kids. Do what you need to do as an unhappy mum is also not good for kids.

you aren’t abandoning them

The inconvenient truth is that, for most children, their mother is far more important in their lives than their father and they will suffer much more if she leaves.

Original poster

Housewife8 · 15/04/2025 16:08

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 11/04/2025 08:16

Is your husband abusive? Are you in danger?

Show quote history

Yes he is abusive

OP posts:

StrangerThings1 · 15/04/2025 16:12

Housewife8 · 15/04/2025 16:08

Yes he is abusive

Show quote history

You have recieved a lot of responses to your post, you could elaborate in your answers / respond to more posters if you are really looking for help,
I find this kind of behaviour very rude, but maybe you have a reason

HelpMePlease74 · 15/04/2025 16:16

Okay, if he is abusive then I have different advice and I am sorry. Please reach out to Women's Aid for all the advice here - there is A LOT of support they can give and practical help. Whether it is help to remove him and protection after that or help with your personal funding and finding new accommodation. Please use the help available - I've used them and found them so supportive. Good luck xx

WeeOrcadian · 15/04/2025 17:29

Housewife8 · 15/04/2025 16:08

Yes he is abusive

Show quote history

I really don't want to stick the boot in here OP....

But you've confirmed he's abusive

And you're going to leave your 4 (I think) DC in the house with him!!??

Have you sought legal advice regarding the home and pressing charges?

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 15/04/2025 17:39

Is he threatening you about the children?

Please contact Women's Aid. They can help get you and your dcs safe.

Original poster

Housewife8 · 15/04/2025 18:07

Yes he is and he has been physically abusive towards me as well and I am not willing to let our children see it anymore

OP posts:

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 15/04/2025 22:50

You and your kids get away from him asap.

Just get away fast.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 15/04/2025 23:18

Housewife8 · 15/04/2025 18:07

Yes he is and he has been physically abusive towards me as well and I am not willing to let our children see it anymore

You CANNOT leave your children with an abuser. That would be you failing to safeguard them. You need to reach out to DV organisations to help you AND the children flee to safety.

If you leave, and abandon the children, leaving them with an abuser, he may turn his abuse onto them, whilst also alienating them from you.

Do not leave your children, don't, it'll ruin your relationship with them forever.

Original poster

Housewife8 · 16/04/2025 07:00

He has not abused them and he has told me that I have to leave and he has been abusive to me and more than 5 times and I don't have anywhere that the children can come

OP posts:

beAsensible1 · 16/04/2025 07:02

Don’t leave them there. You will struggle to get them back.

take them with you and get help from the council. Have you made any reports.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 16/04/2025 07:14

Housewife8 · 16/04/2025 07:00

He has not abused them and he has told me that I have to leave and he has been abusive to me and more than 5 times and I don't have anywhere that the children can come

You don't have to leave. Him telling that you have to leave is part of the ongoing abuse.

If he has been abusive to you then involve the police and lawyers and try to get him to leave. If you can get an occupation order then he will have no choice but to go.

Talk to domestic violence services as well. They may be able to offer you temporary accommodation you can go to with your children.

How old are your children?

Londontown12 · 16/04/2025 07:17

Call the police tell them he been abusive and he won’t leave !

Enrichetta · 16/04/2025 07:21

Get advice from Women's Aid.
Report the abuse to police.
Check out Wikivorce and Divorce for Dummies.
Consult with a competent family solicitor.

Don't just roll over - your children need you.

LadyGAgain · 16/04/2025 07:28

Please call the police. Do not leave. Stay with your children.

AnonAnonmystery · 16/04/2025 08:53

@Housewife8 he is being abusive to them by being abusive to you.
honestly you have nothing to lose by calling women’s aid and everything to gain .
is he always at home?

abs12 · 16/04/2025 10:33

DO NOT LEAVE YOUR CHILDREN. As everyone here has said, you cannot leave them for a myriad of reasons.

Get help as soon as he goes out. Don't roll over, you and your children deserve better. Make the move now, as hard as it is, it will only get harder.

Good luck. It would be great if you updated with a change in circumstances 🩷

scoobysnaxx · 16/04/2025 11:59

You need to call the police OP. Now. Do not leave your children.

IsThisLifeNow · 16/04/2025 12:14

Don't leave your children. Get in touch with womens aid.

I am in the process of separating from my husband. I am lucky he isn't abusive and that we have a spare room. Neither of us want to leave the kids so we are currently both staying at home for their sake.

Its extremely early days for us, It's so hard and I don't know how long we can live like this though

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 16/04/2025 12:43

Housewife8 · 16/04/2025 07:00

He has not abused them and he has told me that I have to leave and he has been abusive to me and more than 5 times and I don't have anywhere that the children can come

Please don't leave them. Please.

Goingoutofmymind25 · 16/04/2025 13:07

I'm pretty sure council and women's aid will help if he's kicking you out (I know someone who moved out with kids due to her exh abuse and telling her to leave, council put her up; he told me he had to say he kicked her out so she gets council house, but really he was abusive bully to his wife and subsequently gf)

category12 · 16/04/2025 13:15

Housewife8 · 15/04/2025 18:07

Yes he is and he has been physically abusive towards me as well and I am not willing to let our children see it anymore

The police and domestic abuse services could help you and you could try to get him legally removed and excluded from the home instead.

You might be able to get an occupation order and non-molestation order.

Alternatively, you and the dc could go into refuge.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 16/04/2025 15:28

He IS abusing them - children witnessing DV IS classed as child abuse. You seriously need to contact the police and social services to help you get out of this situation safely WITH your children.

femfemlicious · 17/04/2025 09:00

You should have had him arrested and removed from the house when he hit you. You sound really ground down

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