Husband and I will be splitting up

[Housewife8]

My husband and I will be splitting up I am moving out of the marital house and moving in with my mum and dad and the children don't know because I am leaving them with my husband has anyone else left their children

@Housewife8 , are you leaving the children with him in an attempt to force his hand? To make him want to leave because he can't care for the children?

Does the mother have the right to take the children out of the family home if the father is caring for them as a parent with shared responsibility? I’m not sure it’s that simple.

We house shared for 2 years, him moving in every other weekend and I got the house the rest of the time. 50/50 for school holidays. Could you do this as a temporary option? I rented a room locally for my time out the house. He stayed with his mistress.

OP, you need to give us more information if you want useful (either emotionally or practically) advice or responses.

Right now, I'd just ask - is your children's father a good parent who will care for them properly?

If not, please don't leave them to make a point, especially if you've been the primary parent up until now.. If you've been their everything (as is sadly the case for many mothers) and their father means very little to them (because he's a shit dad, as too many are) they'd probably feel safer living with you in one room than with him in a comfortable home.

Have you sought legal advice?
If not please do not leave your children?
Does he often look after them?

Take the kids to your parents don't leave them whatever you do. You will get maintenance uc etc you will be OK. Think practically not through emotion

Yes, I know women who've done it to. If they're the one leaving the marriage, it makes sense that they leave the family home, to some extent. However, I'm not in the UK and children usually have 50% of time with both parents here by default. In both recent cases I'm thinking of, the mothers did not 'abandon' their children - they simply moved out of the family home and then once they found a new place close by, received their children there 50% of the time.

Everyone else is saying don't leave without the children, and I agree. It is currently school holidays, so you could take them for a 'holiday' to your parents or even some other friends - that's what I did one time. Another time I found a flat nearer to their school and we lived there for a few months .... an expensive solution but gave me some respite and made the school run a lot easier! My boss was happy to be my rent guarantor.

RustyLaRue sending you hugs. I fully understand, I could almost have written your post word for word, only I was the younger child. The damage is something we have to live with and try to overcome.
Having said that, we do not know the full circumstances of the OP. Maybe her husband feels that keeping himself in the family home is the best for the children.
Not suggesting anything here, but mothers/ wives can be abusive.

Having been the child in this situation please do not leave. Over 30 years later there is still emotional trauma.
Also my mum moved out and ended up with no proceeds from the marital home, being denied access, and having cards and presents turned away.
DO NOT LEAVE

My mum did this to my sister and me nearly 30 years ago and we’re only now rebuilding our relationship with her, she has terrible guilt and really regrets how she went about things (no regrets about divorcing my dad, just leaving her kids in the way she did). Please find another solution you will regret this in the future

Because it takes 2 people to make a child. A vagina doesn't mean that that person is the default parent. Mothers get all the guilt piled on them and the father barely anything in comparison

But op is on about leaving them with her ex.
I could not leave my children, under any circumstances - even if it meant living with someone I didn’t like. ( or was so bad he was like the devil )
in my example if I couldn’t leave with them, then I’d stay.

What has your solicitor advised? Legal advice is usually to stay in the former marital home, at least until an agreement has been agreed and signed off. You could be putting yourself at a serious disadvantage by leaving. That's without thinking about the impact of leaving your children behind.

If you are leaving as it is unsafe for you to stay, please take your children with you. Otherwise, you should stay if at all possible, however difficult it might be.

Same. My friend told me once she felt tainted, as a little girl, whose mother had left her. She felt unlovable and still does. It’s heartbreaking.

other people will have experience and can give the OP practical advice. Just please don’t leave your kids, even temporarily. If your dh has a mind to, he can fuck your relationship with them forever 😢

Don't abandon your children. Especially not if he is abusive.

They will never forgive you and the relationship may never recover.

You may never forgive yourself.

And your parents, losing their grandchildren?

Take them with you, and seek help and support.

See a solicitor to find out your rights.

If there is a mortgage you co-own the house.

Take the damned children. As the child who’s mother left and left behind when I was 5 you really have no bloody idea what that does to someone!

I was a teenager when my dm left without leaving us she was going.Our relationship was difficult thereafter. I've had a happy successful life since but I never got over her leaving even now in my 60s and I was never able to forgave her .

No advice but I may need to do the same. It’s shit. Sorry OP.

I had the same advice. I’m in an emotionally abusive relationship though and I don’t know how long I’ll continue to cope.

Men do this all the time but as a woman you'll be judged far more harshly for it than a man ever is.

Are you seeing this as a permanent move or hoping to shock him in to realising how much work looking after the home and kids is?

Tell your kids you love them and that you are staying to help your parents out for a while and make plans to see them regularly. Make sure they can call you amd chat to them as often as you can. Don't just walk out on them, that's a really shitty thing to do

Women get judged more harshly for it because the damage is incalculable. A father leaving is shit, but you’ve been a part of your mother’s body. It’s a different relationship on a cellular level. People tend to be deeply damaged by it. Doubly so if the mother has left them with an abusive father. What does that tell someone? ‘I got myself away from him but I left you behind.’

I’ve known someone who has done this, and did it as they had had an affair and left the children with their husband to be with their affair partner. As often happens the other way round, she moved in with her parents initially before sorting out living arrangements with affair partner. I would guess this is quite a common reason for a woman abandoning her dcs. .

Don’t leave your DC. There’s many other options and it would massively affect them.
Stay in the house. You can even claim benefits as a single parent living under the same roof.( I have done it)
separate your finances if any joint as much as possible and start divorce proceedings.

I would strongly advise to never leave your children. He seems controlling and this won’t end well if you leave them with him.
The children will go into shock and he may tell them all sorts.

take them with you at the very least.