Husband and I will be splitting up

[Housewife8]

My husband and I will be splitting up I am moving out of the marital house and moving in with my mum and dad and the children don't know because I am leaving them with my husband has anyone else left their children

Ok that changes it. I’m out, good luck OP.

Couldn’t you take them with you to your parents until you can get sorted with other accommodation? Talk to a solicitor, talk to the council about housing, don’t let him call all the shots.

No way would I be leaving my children.

Please don't leave your children. If you do they will never live with you again and your husband will use it against you for the rest of your life. It will make your children so unhappy to live without you.

Sometimes you read a post in the hope you can contribute something to help. Then there are times when you have no words. This is one of them.

Can you give more detail? You should stay in the home. Call womens aid and they will help you navigate this. You need support so speak to family especially his.

I did separate from my DH and he did have the kids but they were older teenagers and it was a very complicated situation. I've stayed in the family home and my kids still need me.

My mother did. I never forgave her.

My Mum left us at ages 10, 13 and 15. I was the oldest. She moved a long way away and there weren’t mobile phones in those days.
it was tough and impacted us all in different ways.
Unless your children are much older I’d really only do this as a very last resort.

The children are 11 and twins 12 and 14

The house is in both of our names but my husband has refused to move out of the marital house and my mum and stepdad have only got one spare room

Is your husband abusive? Are you in danger?

Who will look after DC? You will have to pay him maintenance

I'm so sorry to hear that you're feeling so desperate to get away from your husband that you're considering this. I can empathise with how stressful it is living in a constant state of tension and conflict and feeling like you can never get away because you're living with it day after day.

However, I do not believe your children will ever forgive you for leaving them. I think they will remember that always and it will destroy your relationships with them for the remainder of their childhoods and as adults.

Leaving your children will affect and possibly scar them forever. Even if you were reunited at some stage their trust in you will be seriously affected - “well she left once, why wouldn’t she leave us again”.

Your husband will not hesitate to use your absence against you in a possible custody battle, he’ll use it to influence the children, I suspect he’ll play rough. A man scorned and all that.

Please if there is any other way, use it and don’t leave yr children. I get that you’re in a dreadful situation, my comments don’t come with blame. All the very best.

@Housewife8 its possible to cohabit and divorce and stay in the house while its all done ( unless he is abusive). It’s not a nice process but I’ve been through it. If your husband is abusive there are ways to get him out of the house - speak to women’s aid. But please don’t leave those children.

you should be talking to a lawyer, not a bunch on strangers. We don't know the real circumnstances and if there's DV or not, we can only speculate and confuse you.

Thank you for putting us in the picture CrunchyKnees · 10 Apr 21:49.

Housewife8 You must see a solicitor and plan for your and your DC’s future, they have rights as well, they have done nothing wrong to be deprived of their mother.
Please see your GP as you must be feeling down in the circumstances

Find all papers dealing with money, tax mortgage, wages etc and copy them. Copy all text messages. List the reasons why you want to separate and find a solicitor, to know your rights.
.

What does your solicitor advise?

What is the urgency about someone moving out?

If you're in danger, then yes, of course flee (with the kids).

If you're not in danger, stay put. Get legal advice. Do not move out until the financial settlements are legally agreed.

Eh?
Please explain how your twins are different ages.
Unless you have x2 sets of twins = 5 kids....

I thought she meant 11 year old twins plus a twelve year old and fourteen year old.

Agree it’s poorly worded.

Please don’t leave your children. They will probably feel abandoned and it could affect them very badly. There has to be a better solution than that.

Why can the dad move out but the mum can’t as children will feel abandoned?

so long as it is explained to the kids.

also leaving dad to become the single parent will probably have him begging you to move back and he move out.

you don’t love him anymore and still love your kids. Do what you need to do as an unhappy mum is also not good for kids.

you aren’t abandoning them

@welshmonster While we ought to have equality, we don't really, and it's still more unusual and more stigmatised for the mum to leave dc than it is the father. Like it or not.

I'm also concerned that the OP hasn't really said what's behind her leaving like this. She needs to be sure she isn't sabotaging her own future in terms of residency and division of the marital assets before she does it.

It's not ok for dad's to leave. It's harder for the main care giver to leave. In all but situations I know of, the mum is the main care giver.