Husband had an affair - advice needed!

[Strawberrina]

I found out last year that my husband had an affair with a work colleague who is 25 years younger than him. The affair was emotional as well as physical. He was and is her manager at the workplace. The difficulty is that they continue to work together in a small office consisting of 4-5 members of staff, including them, and see each other almost every day. The town in which we live is a small regional town and there are limited jobs available for someone with his level of experience. We have reconciled and are working through things, but I'm at my wits end about what to do! I'm not happy that they work together and see each other almost daily.
Any advice would be welcome!

@Strawberrinaso if that is the case, has he handed his in?

Do you wait a sufficient period of time then wake this thread up? For what purpose, exactly?

Attention.

I was hoping this thread would of reach the end , oh well hoping now it gets to the 12 month anniversary, as its the only thread I know to keep going this long ,

I am curious op, your last comment was 05.++ in the morning, are you worrying now or is this situation now keeping you awake, as you posted so early,

I wonder this op as you haven't shown any emotion on here, you have avoided most/ all questions, yet answer none important ones like your last comment,

I hope your happy op, hope you have a good friend or family member to support you, because you haven't taken any advise/support from here, or outside here,
but feel you'll be back in 6 months time to update us,

Yes you love him but honestly op that love doesn't keep you together, and it doesn't make you happy, but hay you can walk around saying ' but I love him ' all day long its not enough op,

I remember at the beginning of this your h told you the truth, he did not hold back, her age, ' he loves her' God op when it goes tits up and he comes out with ' but you knew all along karen'

Wish you happiness op,

Some women just deserve the lives they have.

Good luck OP.

Horrible thing to say.

This is the most excruciatingly frustrating thread ever. The OP is obviously never going to leave and is just rage baiting now with giving increasingly pointless/pathetic replies.

I can’t believe anyone can be so lacking in self-awareness or dignity as to put up with this. You’re complicit in his treatment of you at this point.

Honestly, why bother posting?!

I got my comment deleted for observing that I’d be glad when this thread got to a thousand replies @Omgblueskysbut I agree with you!

It's today - today her dear husband gives in his one month's notice...

OP is never going to leave her cheating H because she's too attached to their comfortable, well-off lifestyle with two houses.

The cheating H is never actually going to leave his job and set up on his own or apply for other jobs. He'll just keep stringing OP along with excuses while he goes back to work and sees the OW in the office every day.

OP will weakly accept this as she accepts everything he does, and will never ensure that he faces even the slightest consequence for cheating on her for months with a junior colleague young enough to be their daughter.

OP will ignore all the latest posts but will pop up again in a few days or weeks to update the thread with something utterly pointless and random.

Rinse and repeat.

I think the op is just at it now.
With so many question being asked and she replies to this one, nobody would do that.
Also nobody would be as stupid as the op is portraying herself as.

I agree entirely.

Hi All,
I thought I would give an update on my situation to those of you interested and following this thread:
H did not resign from his job, however he did extend his leave until late June. The reason for that is that if he resigns now, the pay-out he will get from his current employer will be tax-deductable and he wants to avoid paying so much tax.
He has no intention to return to his workplace (or so he says) once he approaches the end of his (already extended) leave. Needless to say that if he comes back, he will have absolutely zero leave saved.

That's is bull. If he was worried about tax, he wouldn't extend his leave until June. The tax year is April 6, 2025, to April 5, 2026.

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

I call it on the entire thread 🤣

@BillyBoe46 We don't live in the UK. Where we live the tax year runs from 1 July to 30 June.

Good luck to you, you're going to need it.

You're sticking with a man who not only cheated on you but with a woman young enough to be his daughter AND someone who he had power and influence over in the workplace. Why? Fear of change? Protecting your marriage (which is a sham now)?

You get to spend the rest of whatever marriage you have left worrying if he'll reoffend and if he even loves you (he doesn't). Meanwhile he gets to put his feet up and live off you, fart arsing about pretending he's got plans for a business. I know you think that's OK because he provided whilst you were a SAHP but the two scenarios are simply not comparable.

He has faced zero consequences for betraying your trust. If anything, he's come out of it better off in many ways. The only reason he won't have another affair or ONS is if the opportunity doesn't present itself. Why wouldn't he? You've let him away with it once, there's a fair chance you will do so again, and that's only if he gets caught.

As I said, good luck!

@Strawberrina I've been following this thread for a while, increasingly with incredulity at your inability to actually DO anything proactive. You are getting an increasingly hard time on here because you ignore all the excellent advice and seemingly accept whatever your H says as gospel.

Why so passive? You cling onto the 'we've been together for 30 years and I don't want to let that go' narrative. And yet you can't do anything about that as he chose to have an affair and blast your marriage out of the water. He has shown how little he respects you so why stick with him? You can't turn the clock back. I can't imagine you'll ever feel peace with him again as you'd always be on alert for any signs. Why put yourself through it? Don't you want to feel like you have agency? What would you advise a friend, sister, daughter in the same situation?

You have a fulltime job so financially you'd be fine if you split and you'd wrestle some self-respect back. Sometimes a relationship just runs its course and it's sad but that's that. Move on without him and feel a million times better without a H that has treated you with contempt.

36 pages

and is this the 1st time you have announced you do not like in the UK ?!!!

All that advice re solicitors was based I guess on you being in the UK.

Google tells me that Australia has a tax year of 1st July, so does Bangladesh, Egypt, Kenya, Pakistan, Tanzania, Uganda

Are you now trying to tell us you live in one of these countries.

and of course Mr 'Important and not Faithful ' has extended his leave just like that...

Just incredible really that after almost 900 posts, you finally inform us that you don't live in the UK. You could have mentioned that a lot earlier when people were giving you well-meaning advice on the assumption that you're in the UK. As far as I'm aware, all of your updates have been posted in the UK daytime, without the slightest sign that you're in another timezone. Odd.

How on earth did your H manage to get another four months' leave just like that? I thought you said last year that he'd be taking four months as of August, so I assumed he'd be back at work in the New Year. Then you said it was the end of February. And now it's the end of June, so that's what, ten months off work? For a man we're told is a 'senior criminal lawyer'? Pull the other one. Wish I could tell my boss 'Oh yeah, by the way, I'm taking another four months off after my six months off. That's OK, right?'

Needless to say, you haven't mentioned your H supposedly setting up his own business again. And now H will be quitting his job, even though you supposedly mutually decided that he's too young to retire?

Every update makes less and less sense.

Why bother “updating” at all @Strawberrina? We get it, you’re desperate and pathetically willing to stay with your cheating husband no matter what.

You don’t want advice, you just want help to maintain the delusion he cares about you in any other way than as housekeeper and sycophant.

(he doesn’t, btw. He wants to cheat with a younger woman and knows you are weak enough to accept it)

Your update is he has done nothing and will continue to cheat on you and you will put up with it like a good wifey. Okay then. 🙄

I think the thread is fake surely and the OP updates it randomly when she’s bored

Australians get long service leave, which accrues over time. It is quite possible that
someone can take more than a year off work.
Companies can’t unreasonably deny leave, so I do believe this to be true.
i know it wouldn’t be the case in the UK, but im in Australia and hear this a lot!