Girl at work has me confused

[Cherrybake11]

44m working with a 41f. She is due to be married in a few months. We have worked together for 5yrs. I have always been fond of her and we get on really well. I know she has a bf so have always just been friendly with her. A few months ago we were talking about me 'needing a gf' a favourite topic of hers, as I have been single around 3yrs. I was in a bad place back then and she commented about how different I am now, she said that she would date me if she was single. This comment made me begin to think that maybe this girl likes me. Since then we have grown closer. We have both started to attend church separately and she gave me her number randomly so we could discuss it. Her texting pattern is weird. We text most days when at work but very rarely after work or weekends. Weekends is normally early and is very short and to the point. I'd say 90% of initiation comes from her. Our texts are very friendly, we laugh a lot but also discuss much deeper stuff. She is an enfj and I an infj. Every now and again she throws me a curveball such as:

We are so alike
I have connected to you
If I were single we would go on holiday
We are soulmates, but just friends
We understand one another

I directly asked her if she thinks we text too much, she got very defensive and said her bf trusts her 100%, she loves him unconditionally and it's not like we are coming on to each other? People would kill for what we have etc

The past few weeks she seems nervous when first seeing me at work, then once we start talking we can't shut up.

Some days she will not text at all but someday it's constant.

I am really confused about this situation. My honest opinion is that this girl likes me likes me bit seems very confused about her feelings towards me. I am not going to do something stupid like profess my love, my plan is to not tell her that I like her, and to not interfere or try to influence her decision making. I am going to wait and see if she goes ahead with her wedding.

I would very much like to hear others tell me their assessment of this situation.

TLDR girl I like is sending mixed signals.

I had it twice through different orgs I interviewed for, I was told by one that my personality type is the worst and they'd never employ me. The sheet with the explanation he gave me was a complete character assassination and not much like me at all. The other saw my face when I completed it and asked if I knew what it meant, I nodded and he said well you will know why we won't employ you then.

I gave that one a piece of my mind probably compounding his personal belief in MB 😆I can see it being a bit of fun for some (not me, lost me two jobs) like a star sign, I hate that they used it as though it were absolutely infallible in the 90s

Carl Jung who came up with Introvert and Extrovert has said no one is completely one or the other. I do not suck anyone energy!

She's keeping you on the hook. She likes you but as a back up.

At 41 she is a woman and not a girl

She has told you how she feels,

“If she was single she would date you”

But she isn’t single so she won’t be dating you

Maybe she is a bit overly friendly but when she isn’t at work, you say she doesn’t text as much, probably because she has a life that doesn’t include you

You need to get out more and go and find your own gf and not go after someone else’s.

Remember just because a woman is friendly towards you, all it means is she is being friendly. Don’t read into things that aren’t there.

She's messing with you, you won't ever be anything more than her plaything, go and get a real girlfriend and stop this nonsense.

Who says INFJ is the worst and why . What role were they to say that ?! My son is INFJ . Ambitious, independent , kind and popular is how I would describe him.

Just take this as a sign that you are ready to date again, but avoid her like the plague. Even if she comes running to your house in her wedding dress and declares her undying love for you could you ever really trust her not to start messaging and flinting with the next person she feels she has a connection with?

this thread was written by a 43 year old man ? It's like a story i would have read years ago in a teenage magazine.

This

why are you calling a 41 year old woman a “girl”?

If you were responding to my post, I didn't reveal the personality type

None of it is real, don't worry about it. It's as much of a judgement as saying that Scorpios are the worst, and no reflection whatsoever on who your son is.

Sorry, I didn't mean to offend anyone. I'm a bit shocked it was ever used as part of an interview process. That's awful. We did as part of a team building exercise. The MB was less dreadful than some of the other bits. We were told there was no perfect person or imperfect person. Just differences. And sometimes, when differences or clashes occur people are coming at the issue from different places and motivations. In this case, I trying (obviously badly) to say that I think this lady may be using the OP for own self worth. I thought if the OP lessened the engagement, the lady might lose interest. Again, sorry! 💐

Please don't worry I'm not offended at all!

Personality tests were all the rage for interviews back then, it was all sort of rainbow statements for most. I've done others which were less scathing through interviews, team building, and courses too. That people formulated decisions based on them was worrying. I get around it by thinking it was their loss 😆

I agree, the "friend" is gaining something from the OP having a thing for her. It;s flattering when you know someone likes you. It sounds like it's all gone a bit far.

ETA: Managed not to quote.
@Comedycook

She is an enfj and I an infj
What does this mean?

It’s so much easier to google this than to type it on the thread and wait for someone to google it for you and copy/paste the answer.

OP, stay away. This is messy and morally questionable when she’s engaged.

Satan adopts many forms but you can search for outwardly signs & signals.

Here's a checklist:

How many 6s are there in her mobile number?

Say to her, 'Hmmm, that's an interesting perfume... is it by chance... Tanis Root?'

Check her footwear: Does she wear trainers a lot? Satan isn't going to be wearing open toe sandals due to cloven feet. That one is a bit obvious.

Has she suggested, or expressed a deep liking for BBQs?

See if she can speak in tongues by telling her 'she's shit at her job' in Ancient Aramaic (use google translate + plus howtopronounce.com), but beware as this could unleash the wrath of Satan or could land you in trouble with HR if she reports you.

Lastly, where does she live? It's sure to be close to a Portal of Hell. If she's in the London area, it will be around Peckham Rye.

Other things to look out for: Goat tattoo; Pentagram pendant or earrings; selfies with the two finger salute; Tesco clubcard; she could have horns on her head, a cat named Baphomet; An unnatural interest in new born babies & has asked around the office if anyone is a virgin (report to immediately to HR as this falls under inappropriate behaviour); 100% Acrylic sweaters.

I'll bite a bit on the MBTI as I've not discussed it. Those that think it's fallacy etc, please don't respond.
I think MBTI is a very valuable and accurate tool to use. After my marriage my therapist asked me to take the test, I'd never heard of it before. As stated I tested as an infj. She said she was inundated with young men such as myself that had been involved with cluster b females, the vast majority of them tested as infj. Following on from this I started volunteer work helping people come out of abusive relationships. The stats were astonishing, 77% of people who had dealings with cluster b men/women were infj. What's even more astonishing is that several million people had been tested. Now, infj is the rarest type at around 2% of the population, let's say 1 in every 100 men. This is why I think MBTI is a valuable and reliable tool to distinguish ones behaviour.

Infj are susceptible to manipulation and abuse.

Surely it can change over one’s lifetime though?

I have looked into this and the general consensus is no. I have done the test many times over the last 7yrs, times when I've been happy, times when I've been severley depressed and it always comes out the same.

Op, you're repeating the patterns of the past. You're once again victim to a manipulative person.

Yes I think by being interested in Myers Briggs you know yourself and you know she is not right for you . I can see why INFJ’s may be attractive to narcissistic types as they have a lot of empathy.

It appears so yes sadly. This is why I'm so confused I think, this is what they do to you, it's like deja vu, it's all making sense now. But, at least I can acknowledge it and stay away, much better than not seeing it, trust me. I defended my exw for 18mths afterwards, therapy saved me lol. I went there to find out what was wrong with me only to be told I needed to get myself and my children away from that woman.

We are like gold dust to them. We hate confrontation, love extremely deeply, are selfless and will literally do anything for anybody. Our best traits are our biggest downfall.

I don't know what's going on in this womans head regarding her soon to be husband. One thing that's clear is she is being highly disrespectful to him by continuing to communicate with you so intensely.

You mention you feel you should take a step back by taking longer to respond etc. At this stage your long term friendship and the fact you 'like' her so much, which also appears reciprocal given the amount of texting etc,means you are both overstepping necessary boundaries within romantic relationships.

Perhaps it's time to forget about gradually stepping back and just go ahead and tell her you are not comfortable with her advances despite the fact she is saying she would never cheat on her partner. If her feelings for you were seriously strong she would cancel her wedding.

There's nothing that suggests she like likes you.

She's literally told you she lives you as.a.friend.

It's only 'confusing' if you fancy her.

Women who like you don't talk about needing to hook you up with a girlfriend.

Sorry dude, you're reading into something that's not there.

That's not to say she maybe isn't too full on of course.

How do you feel about her though? I hope you can have a cool head about her and not let your intense emotions take over.