Girl at work has me confused

[Cherrybake11]

44m working with a 41f. She is due to be married in a few months. We have worked together for 5yrs. I have always been fond of her and we get on really well. I know she has a bf so have always just been friendly with her. A few months ago we were talking about me 'needing a gf' a favourite topic of hers, as I have been single around 3yrs. I was in a bad place back then and she commented about how different I am now, she said that she would date me if she was single. This comment made me begin to think that maybe this girl likes me. Since then we have grown closer. We have both started to attend church separately and she gave me her number randomly so we could discuss it. Her texting pattern is weird. We text most days when at work but very rarely after work or weekends. Weekends is normally early and is very short and to the point. I'd say 90% of initiation comes from her. Our texts are very friendly, we laugh a lot but also discuss much deeper stuff. She is an enfj and I an infj. Every now and again she throws me a curveball such as:

We are so alike
I have connected to you
If I were single we would go on holiday
We are soulmates, but just friends
We understand one another

I directly asked her if she thinks we text too much, she got very defensive and said her bf trusts her 100%, she loves him unconditionally and it's not like we are coming on to each other? People would kill for what we have etc

The past few weeks she seems nervous when first seeing me at work, then once we start talking we can't shut up.

Some days she will not text at all but someday it's constant.

I am really confused about this situation. My honest opinion is that this girl likes me likes me bit seems very confused about her feelings towards me. I am not going to do something stupid like profess my love, my plan is to not tell her that I like her, and to not interfere or try to influence her decision making. I am going to wait and see if she goes ahead with her wedding.

I would very much like to hear others tell me their assessment of this situation.

TLDR girl I like is sending mixed signals.

Sounds like a close friendship to me, no one would question it if you were both female. If she was interested in you romantically it's unlikely she would be wanting you to find a GF. I also don't think it's likely she would be telling you how much she loves her DP, to me, that is her making it clear to you that she does not have any interest in you romantically.

There was no need to quote the whole OP!

Briggs Meyer personality types.

She's about to get married and commit and she's realising that she won't be free to date anyone she wants to anymore.It's a big thing. But I'd back away.... maybe, just maybe she's hoping g you'll suddenly announce that you love her and want to be with her so she break it off... but maybe not...it does sound like she's flirting.
But whatever she has going on, dont get dragged in to it because it could all backfire on to you.

Ok she is an adult woman not a girl and she is getting married to someone else.
My advice would be take a very big step back from her I would also reduce the texting.
You need to stop chasing something that’s never going to happen because you will be the one to get hurt and it could also risk your job too. Be sensible and distance yourself

Is this AI ? Reads very oddly.

People keep doing that on multiple threads, sometimes many pages in. It's maddening.

A lot of the original post is like this - almost childlike; the sort of things you say as a teenager before you've learned much about relationships (like including your respective results from a personality test, as though that is remotely relevant to anything here). Then the OP says they were in a 20 year relationship - something doesn't quite add up here to me.

You should keep away, until she breaks up with her fiance. You're asking for trouble. I wouldn't be suprised if her boyfriend read all the messages between you, and showed up to punch you. It is not the done thing and you know it. She's stopping you from getting into a relationship. Block her, tell her it's not appropriate because of her fiance and start dating available women. She's using your attention as a confidence boost.

Journalist/novelist/researcher/bored person, do we think?

I bet those not believing this haven’t even done the Myers’s briggs and are thinking, sensing types so can’t understand the INFJ personality type. I am INFP and I do. I spend a lot of time in my head for better or worse and may come across as quite childlike.

No, we just know that it's all bullshit and little more than star signs .

This is so annoying! That and asking questions like “She is an enfj and I an infj
What does this mean?” so that people are still answering a perfectly google-able question 10 pages in 😫 It makes interesting threads so much preventatively repetitive.

Take mixed signals as a no.

She likely, likes you but enjoys this "safe" emotional affair. Shes "nervous" v chatty because she's motivated by guilt then titerlation. She's saying try harder, but stop there.

She picked him, she's marrying him and if she's cool with sneaking around with you she isn't someone you'd want if she was single.

Invest this new you in someone single or waste your life settling for platitudes from someone waking up with someone else

Just look at this way if she was marrying you soon would you be ok with her messaging another guy with these same messages. She’s picking and choosing when to message maybe don’t be as keen to reply and keep it about work she seems to like you maybe she’s hoping you will make a move on her. Definitely don't. You could be having an emotional affair. Either way it won’t end well if either of you cross the boundary.

In her 40s, She is a woman, not a girl.

Sounds to me like she is flattered by a man that wants to be friends with her with ‘nothing in return’ and honestly, a lot of women like the idea of having a man that holds a flame for her that she can have as a ‘back up’. She likely does love her Fiance and will marry him.

She told you she loves her fiance and that he’s trusts her. Doesn’t sound like mixed signals to me.

If I were you, I’d do the decent thing and put some distance between you. For your sake if nothing else.

Are you confused though? Reads like you know what both of you are doing...

She wants her cake and to eat it.

She is histrionic, in her "extroverted mask". This woman is looking for an ego boost, primarily to do with low self-esteem. She wants the big wedding with all the bells and whistles, but she also wants to be admired by other men, so she can feel a sense of self-gratification.

Give her half the chance and she would probably jump your bones -and- still get married. I also think she would turn into a raging psychopath if you got yourself a partner. She sounds very much a narcissistic, histrionic, unstable personality disorder.

Keep your messages blunt and to the point. She doesn't care about you - She just wants your attention.

What do you expect from a man on a woman's website.

So many of her comments are totally inappropriate when in a relationship with someone else.

One thing is clear - she has no integrity.

@Comedycook @Allthegoodhorses I think it’s the myers-briggs personality types, or similar

She's engaged but she's calling you her soul mate.

She texts and specific times that you've picked up a pattern and noticed there's times she repeatedly avoids texting you

She blows hot and cold

She says your friendship has grown but loves her fiance unconditionally

You're telling us you're feeling confused by her behaviour

AND... and you see no red flags?

@Cherrybake11 TLDR girl I like is sending mixed signals.

No she isn't. She has not said anything that would even remotely suggest any kind of attraction.

We are so alike
I have connected to you
If I were single we would go on holiday
We are soulmates, but just friends
We understand one another

These are things that friends say to each other. This is just a friendship.

At the age of 44, you should really know better than to think that any woman being friendly is coming onto you. A friendly woman is just that- a friendly woman.

If you believe in these tests so much why aren’t you learning from them. Why bother wasting your money on therapy if you cannot change the person you are.

You say you volunteer helping others to escape abuse who just happen to be the MB personality type who get into abusive relationships

Why bother if people are just going to march back in and do the same thing again because they are a certain personality type and can’t help themselves
I would say deep down you have an ego that leaves you open to being manipulated.

Everything you say is about what someone is doing to you. Rather you taking control of situations
I think you know deep down those people who are manipulating you or trying to and you have to ask yourself what feelings comes over you that makes you stay and be their toy

She very definitely does like you and sees you as ideal ‘partner’ material. But it’s very very obvious that the sexual chemistry and physical attraction element is not there for her. She loves everything you give in the emotional sense but is not prepared to sacrifice her need for physical and sexual compatibility. She gets this from her fiancé but quite likely not enough of the ‘friendship’ and feeling of being appreciated that you clearly provide for her. It’s a bit of a case of best if both worlds at present for her. You can’t blame her - you’re very generous with your attention to her. She doesn’t want a deeper, sexual relationship or partnership with you though I’m afraid. Sorry Op.