Girl at work has me confused

[Cherrybake11]

44m working with a 41f. She is due to be married in a few months. We have worked together for 5yrs. I have always been fond of her and we get on really well. I know she has a bf so have always just been friendly with her. A few months ago we were talking about me 'needing a gf' a favourite topic of hers, as I have been single around 3yrs. I was in a bad place back then and she commented about how different I am now, she said that she would date me if she was single. This comment made me begin to think that maybe this girl likes me. Since then we have grown closer. We have both started to attend church separately and she gave me her number randomly so we could discuss it. Her texting pattern is weird. We text most days when at work but very rarely after work or weekends. Weekends is normally early and is very short and to the point. I'd say 90% of initiation comes from her. Our texts are very friendly, we laugh a lot but also discuss much deeper stuff. She is an enfj and I an infj. Every now and again she throws me a curveball such as:

We are so alike
I have connected to you
If I were single we would go on holiday
We are soulmates, but just friends
We understand one another

I directly asked her if she thinks we text too much, she got very defensive and said her bf trusts her 100%, she loves him unconditionally and it's not like we are coming on to each other? People would kill for what we have etc

The past few weeks she seems nervous when first seeing me at work, then once we start talking we can't shut up.

Some days she will not text at all but someday it's constant.

I am really confused about this situation. My honest opinion is that this girl likes me likes me bit seems very confused about her feelings towards me. I am not going to do something stupid like profess my love, my plan is to not tell her that I like her, and to not interfere or try to influence her decision making. I am going to wait and see if she goes ahead with her wedding.

I would very much like to hear others tell me their assessment of this situation.

TLDR girl I like is sending mixed signals.

It's more that she always comes to talk to me, only a few know we text.
It can be constant yes but somedays no texting at all, like a push/pull dynamic. I have noticed my work suffering, the damn phone does not stop someday, it's creating a work imbalance.

A thought that had crossed my mind.

Hmmm, a valid point lol, what do you think? You know the answer already.

It IS infantilising, though. They're adults, not girls. Ask yourself why they don't have a special group called 'the boys club', or why nobody refers to 'the boys on reception'.

People are picking up on this because referring to a person who you presumably have designs on fucking, were she single, as a 'girl' is a bit creepy.

So what is stopping you doing something about the problem @Cherrybake11 - because if your work is suffering and you can't sleep, a problem is exactly what it is.

Are your colleagues/HR not picking up that your work is suffering because you're constantly texting someone all day, regardless of the dynamic between you? If I was ignoring things to be on the phone constantly I imagine someone would have had a word by now, and my workplace is quite laid-back about that kind of thing.

I can't help but agree. She's the nicest lady you could ever meet but you already know that don't you.
Personal phones. Our workplace is extremely laid back.

Her poor fiance

Ok so what is your plan of action moving forwards?

Because it would be unideal to come here in order to keep talking about her...in that case, all the advice would just be prolonging and enabling your disruptive work attachment.

On days your phone keeps going, tell her to stop because you're at work. Mute her nber for the day if she doesn't stop.

Talk to your priest. To a work mentor. Do you have a counsellor or therapist...are you in any way vulnerable?

No I don't think I'd find her nice even if she waa pleasant, amiable, personable etc. Not if I were in the office and she was distracting me or a colleague. I need my space to get stuff done.

I don’t but surely if you have such a close friendship you would have been?

Valid, it is one of the reasons why I'm seeking advice.

.....and here we go.

NFJ and ENFJ, both Myers-Briggs personality types, share the same core traits (Intuitive, Feeling, Judging) but differ in their introversion/extraversion, with INFJs being introverted and ENFJs being extraverted.

I'm out. I believe you don't want advice. You want an audience, son. Right?

Things are being said yes, it bothers me.

Agree, he does seem to like a lot of attention, he has been given enough salient advice on here now to be able formulate a decision and a way forward

if this is getting to you then you just need to be honest with her and say you’re going to pull back on messaging as you’re busy and want to focus on other things.

you don’t need to reply instantly to her either.

She’s clearly messaging when her partner isn’t around which makes me think she’s hiding it. Sorry to say this but I think she’s using you for attention, she likes having someone to talk to, she probably does have feelings for you but has decided she’s committed to her partner. Even is she’s meaning well, it’s too much for you and you need to be clear with her that you’re taking a step back from the friendship but you wish her well.

I did state this in a previous post but will clarify for you. I intend to disengage with her. She initiates conversation so I will increase times I take to respond. Any of the soulmate stuff I plan to ignore. I can decrease time spent with her by simply not being in her vicinity, I'm confident of this.
I'm not trying to drag it out lol, I just think that if people have given their advice, it's only right I respond.
I do plan on talking to the priest.
Only vulnerable in my naivety it appears lol.

I'm 50 and I have a beau who refers to me as a girl. 🤪 I also think of myself as a girl.

I have stated my plan twice, I'm simply replying to thos kind enough to offer advice.

I agree, you don't even have to answer everything and completely ignore anything like soulmates, if we were single etc. It's been really unfair of her to do that, if she were your friends she wouldn't dream of hurting you like that.

Ye, I think you've summed it up. It is too much for me and I need to disengage so I can focus myself.

Thank you.