DH ‘took the kids to the park’ (2 of 4, obviously)

[FrustratedMum2025]

Need to vent because I’m about 3 minutes from turning into a human scream. DH offered (big generous word, that) to “give me a break” and “take the kids to the park for a bit” this afternoon. Great, right?

Except… he took two of the four children. DS1 and DD2. The easy ones today. The ones who don’t throw a fit when you zip up their coat the wrong way or dissolve into a puddle because their banana snapped.
Guess who got left behind with DS2 (mid-sugar crash and refusing to nap) and DD1 (who is 12 going on 35 and in a mood because I wouldn’t let her buy £18 toner at Tesco)?

Meanwhile, DH is sending me pics from the park like he’s Father of the Year, with DS1 smiling on the swings and DD2 feeding ducks like something from a bloody Boden catalogue.

Back here? DS2 bit me (gently, but still) and DD1 just told me I “don’t get how hard it is to be a tween.” I am actively hiding in the downstairs loo with half a bag of Haribo DS1 left behind.

I love them. I do. But why do men get points for showing up late to a game we’ve been playing since dawn?

Please tell me I’m not the only one.

Eh? They take adult children to give you a break?!

This reminds me of when my (now) ex used to "let me have a lie in" at the weekend. Which meant I had to keep the DC quiet and amused until he was ready to get up. Then my lie in started. So I either had to amuse 2 young children quietly in my bed until he deigned to get up. Or take them downstairs and feed them and keep them amused until he got up.

Either way, it was not a lie in.

Hang on...how on earth did you go along with that nonsense?! Didn't you say, no mate, that's not a lie in for me?

Lucky you! Come back to me when you have identical twin boys. Totally different IME. I have other kids and it doesn’t even compare to the experience. It’s like having a very lively boy and his even lively sillier friend for a never ending sleepover 24/7. I thought secondary age would be better. It’s worse. Head locks, punches kicks, bruises and comments such as I hope you crack your head open and die on a regular basis. Yet they are best friends and can’t be apart for even 10 minutes and are like magnets around the house. Trying to separate them doesn’t work for long as the moment your back is turned they are back together. It’s either play fighting or arguing and they are into exactly the same thing at exactly the same time and are exactly on each others wave lengths. They know each other better than I know them. It’s completely different to siblings of different ages.

1 was harder than 2 when really little, when they need entertaining, I agree, the jump to 2 when they were little was not too difficult. But not teens. It’s not helicopter parenting; shuttling them to hobbies, spending time 1:1, you can’t do quality parenting with 4 kids. It’s crowd control.

It really isn't that hard to take 4 kids to the park. I used to do it on a daily basis. It's called parenting 4 kids! So, yes, OP it's 100% ok to be grumpy about it. Leaving you with half your kids isn't giving you a break.

On his next day off I'd take the easy 2 out of the house for the entire day before he even wakes up then I'd send him obnoxious messages and photos of all the fun you're having. Let him stew for a whole day.

That's actually a little offensive. YOU may not be able to do quality parenting with 4 kids but that doesn't mean everyone can't. I have 4, my own parents had 4 and quite a few of my friends have 4. All parented well, read to, listened to as children and teenagers, driven everywhere, supported in academics and sports, plenty of one on one time etc etc etc. Is it easy? No. Doesn't mean it's impossible and is definitely not crowd control.

This. He's a wanker who takes full advantage of the extra opportunities to be a wanker that the patriarchy offers him and all men.

Yep. Not sure how they think it's a break. Ds1 likes it though as they buy him the crisps that I won't because they are expensive!

It's bizarre and I know they do it because they can tell people that they are helping me. But they aren't.

... but..how can they tell people they're helping you?
I'm mystified! How old are they, and do they have additional needs?

Sorry, but if you chose to have 4 kids with useless DH I don't know what else you were expecting

What are these points everyone keeps talking about men getting? Am I supposed to be keeping some sort of star chart for my husband? When he sends me pics of our DC playing I assumed they were just cute pics of our kids he thought I'd enjoy, not proof of his impressive generosity or taunting. Why are people talking like taking any number of children to the park would have been a treat for OP? This is just parenting. A trip to the park is for the DC who go along to enjoy, not a treat or act of martyrdom for the parents or a way for my husband to earn imaginary points.

But you weren’t ’solo parenting’. You were parenting two kids - one of whom is 12 - and he was parenting the other two. Surely that’s fair? It’s an even split.

Obviously I said that, many many times. Couldn't actually force him to get up and look after them though.

Like I said, he's now my ex!

Well done 👍!

Men aren't programmed to think like woman, and as frustrating as it is, they often need to be told exactly what you want them to do. When he suggested the park, did you tell him to take all four or just silently seethe? My husband will often announce 'Mummys tired, I'm going to......, who wants to come?' Quite often there's a couple of homebirds who want to stay with me. When you have a large family, weekends are all about divide and conquer. Personally I'd jump at the chance to spent a bit of time at home with just the three year old and teenager (although my teen would've grabbed a football and followed his siblings to the park).

I don’t understand op. As he started getting ready to leave I’d have asked him loudly how many dc he has. Then asked him who’s looking after the other two since he said he was giving me a break. Then said you’d better stay here then, il go take my break. And left.

you don’t seem to have done anything? You haven’t replied to his texts with you are only looking after half your children, and you’re not giving me a break. You haven’t said when he asked about dinner, I don’t know, I was going to take the break you said you were giving me and then think about it but you forgot to take all the children. You haven’t said you’re cleaning up dinner, for the rest of your life at this point.

you have just sat there and fumed. I think martyrs must be more likely to get ill because of all the resentment they hold in as they sit and fume but Never. Ever. Say. A. Word. To. Their. Partner.

Yeah I dont understand either. Why didn't you say something? Is he generally just lazy? Does the problem run deeper than a trip to the park? Does he treat 2 kids as favourites? And do you personally find it quite funny, you write as if it was meant to be lighthearted?

Where is this programming coming from, exactly?

Morning all – thanks so much for the replies. Still reading through them (and cringing at myself tbh). Bit of a rough night with DS2 up at 3am and DD2 deciding to sleepwalk our room at 5. DH, of course, didn’t hear a thing.

To answer a few questions – yes, we both work, though I’m part-time (and by part-time I mean juggling 3 school runs, 2 nursery pickups, the shopping, and 80% of the cleaning). He’s out the door by 7:30 and usually back around 6:30. He thinks he helps. That’s the kicker. He took the bins out last Thursday and still hasn’t stopped talking about it.

You’re all right – I should have said something in the moment. I didn’t. I was so stunned when he came downstairs with just the two easiest kids and said, “You enjoy the peace,” like he was off on some kind of heroic mission. I think my soul left my body for a sec. Just stood there like a lemon holding DS2 who was mid-tantrum because he wanted toast but also didn’t want toast.

Going to take the advice and disappear for a “very generous” 6 hour break next Saturday. Maybe I’ll start referring to everything I do in points too – “Just wiped two bums and cleared porridge off the ceiling, where’s my bloody medal?”

Anyway, thanks again – genuinely appreciate the wake-up call. Will update next weekend after Operation Vanish. Might even treat myself to a sandwich I don’t have to share.

That’s the real issue. Just fucking get on with it like the supposed functional adult you’re supposed to be! Taken the bins out… FML.

With your update, I would go out for 6 hrs on the weekend. And yes, start describing how you have wiped bums in graphic detail.

Call me old fashioned but I happen to believe men and women do actually act and think differently because of their sex.