DH ‘took the kids to the park’ (2 of 4, obviously)

[FrustratedMum2025]

Need to vent because I’m about 3 minutes from turning into a human scream. DH offered (big generous word, that) to “give me a break” and “take the kids to the park for a bit” this afternoon. Great, right?

Except… he took two of the four children. DS1 and DD2. The easy ones today. The ones who don’t throw a fit when you zip up their coat the wrong way or dissolve into a puddle because their banana snapped.
Guess who got left behind with DS2 (mid-sugar crash and refusing to nap) and DD1 (who is 12 going on 35 and in a mood because I wouldn’t let her buy £18 toner at Tesco)?

Meanwhile, DH is sending me pics from the park like he’s Father of the Year, with DS1 smiling on the swings and DD2 feeding ducks like something from a bloody Boden catalogue.

Back here? DS2 bit me (gently, but still) and DD1 just told me I “don’t get how hard it is to be a tween.” I am actively hiding in the downstairs loo with half a bag of Haribo DS1 left behind.

I love them. I do. But why do men get points for showing up late to a game we’ve been playing since dawn?

Please tell me I’m not the only one.

His language of ‘giving you a break’ stinks since they are his kids too, and as you say it wasn’t really ‘a break’ if you still had two of them.
But it’s difficult to comment further on whether yabu without knowing more about how things are divided between you with parenting and the household tasks.
I mean I would be less angry about this if my OH otherwise generally pulls his weight and is an active involved parent than if he never cares for all them on his own, fucks off out for ‘me time’ all the time while you get none and does very little around the house. I’m guessing it’s closer to the latter since you’ve posted. If I’m right then Yanbu.

Wow the replies on here are shocking.
I couldn’t stop laughing as I was reading.
I have four, probably quite similar ages and my partner never takes them to the park. Maybe the cinema once a year.
I feel your pain.

I think people need to relax a bit.

DH was in the garage “fixing” something aka escaping the chaos.

This seems to be a theme with him. Have you considered burning down the garage? 🤔

Why are you trying to make this sound like a win?

I bet OP isn’t in charge of all 4 kids only when he performs some domestic task, so why should she have to do a chore in order for him to parent?

Why not just have some time to herself?

Ok, what’s happening to Mumsnet? These sorts of comments used to be few and far between, now they’re the norm.

Women hating on women. Brilliant. Don’t we have enough problems without turning on ourselves?

Whenever your next food shop is due tell him to watch the kids you’ll be a couple of hours getting the food shop sorted without kids in tow. Book a click and collect and sit somewhere lovely for a coffee in peace for an hour or so before collecting the shop.

If you'd write a blog/book, I'd subscribe/buy it!! Not that you have time for it, but you're funny, relatable and have a great way with words!

I don’t have any concrete advice but I would find this unbelievably frustrating. It’s not proper time to yourself is it?!

You lot have had me howling today, burning down the garage nearly finished me off. Tempting, honestly. Might accidentally-on-purpose put the BBQ too close next weekend and see what happens.

Today’s been a full-on emotional triathlon, and I’m knackered in that specific way where your body is still technically upright but your soul has curled up under a weighted blanket somewhere.

Re: another convo, yes, I think that’s on the cards. It’s all well and good having a Big Chat but unless it leads to actual change, I may as well have shouted into the tumble dryer. I do like the idea of assigning him full kid duty every evening while I “cook” (read: sip wine in peace and maybe chop a carrot if I’m feeling generous).

And yes, the “giving you a break” line has been echoing in my head like a passive aggressive ghost all day. Like sorry, did I dream the four pregnancies? Was I hallucinating the last decade of wipes and snacks and emotional labour?

Honestly, thank you all for being such legends in here. Might not have silence or sanity, but I do have you lot, and today, that’s been a lifeline.

Also: whoever said “write a book,” I appreciate you. If I ever do, it’ll be dedicated to every knackered parent currently hiding in the loo with their phone and a cold cup of tea.

Erma Bombeck reincarnated!

I have been missing the days DS waa little, but this thread has made me realise how much better I have it now.

This too shall pass.

Hi OP I’m quite shocked at the posts asking why you’ve had 4 kids! I think it’s amazing…and 2 DS and 2DD…you are blessed :-)
I know it’s hard though. Unfortunately it often doesn’t matter how nice your DH is…they are conditioned by society to see us as default parents and it’s so frustrating it’s still like that esp when many of us work too equally to our DP’s.
Perhaps next weekend you take the 2 easier DC to the park and for a nice coffee while he stays home with the 2 more challenging DC…when you get back ask him if he enjoyed his “break”….then he’ll really see your point of view!

Next time you go to the park alone and leave him at home with all 4 kids.

Exactly! Life was going to be crap with that many kids !

With that age gap it's only really 3 which is completely manageable. 4 under 5 would be hard work but again not impossible.

like something from a bloody Boden catalogue.

I very much doubt it with this chap

Just a shame that 4 kids are swept up in what sounds like a pretty shite family
environment

You're doing amazing job however hard it is, plesse remember that.

Where you went wrong was expecting him to take the children OUT. Next time he stays IN with them and you go out, on your own.

You decided to have 4 children. It was never doing to be a walk in the park. Pun intended.

Right. Kids are finally asleep, well, two are asleep, one is on facetime to her friends, and one’s “not tired” and building a fort out of clean laundry. Whatever. I’m off duty now.

Honestly, today felt like one long passive-aggressive game of emotional ping pong. Every time I tried to breathe, someone needed a snack, an emotional intervention, or to tell me their sibling was breathing too loudly. DH did his stint, sure, but he emerged looking like he’d fought a lion and lost. “I don’t know how you do this every day,” he said, like I was performing some magic trick instead of just parenting our children.

And yes, to the person who said this isn’t proper time to myself, PRECISELY. Sitting in a café scrolling through a guilt-ridden WhatsApp from the man who gave me these four feral roommates is not the spa day I so richly deserve.

I’m now seriously considering rotating who gets to be “the hard ones” next weekend and letting DH discover the joys of trying to reason with DS2 in a sock crisis meltdown and DD1’s tween existential dread before 10am. I’ll be at the park, sipping a flat white and pretending my name’s Linda.

To the person who called me Erma Bombeck reincarnated, you’ve just made my actual week. And to those being judgey about “you had 4 kids though”… yeah, I did. I also thought parenting was meant to be a joint venture and not an endurance test for one.

This too shall pass, they say. Hope it passes with a strong drink and a quiet hotel room sometime soon.

You should be grateful, you're enjoying the kids growing around you and your husband working his arse off out there

OP also works. The tradwife forum is wayyyyyy over there 👉

That really depends on the 12 year old. One in my family, yes 100%. Another not at all.

A 12 year old would not want to go to the park with the younger ones. get over it

My DH tried to do that yesterday him and a friend were going for a drive that was going to take a couple hours!! I said why not take one of the kids! Expecting him to come up with a reason why not and he said ok what one! I said oh if you can take one then you can take both! He ended up taking both!!

its so incredibly frustrating when they make it seem like they’re helping us!
you decided to take 2/4 that just gives us a bigger headache most likely you had to explain to one or both of your kids why they couldn’t go and then find something for them to do!
that’s not a break!
when he gets home be ready to leave and go to the “grocery store” but you need make them supper then don’t go home until after supper time lol