DH ‘took the kids to the park’ (2 of 4, obviously)

[FrustratedMum2025]

Need to vent because I’m about 3 minutes from turning into a human scream. DH offered (big generous word, that) to “give me a break” and “take the kids to the park for a bit” this afternoon. Great, right?

Except… he took two of the four children. DS1 and DD2. The easy ones today. The ones who don’t throw a fit when you zip up their coat the wrong way or dissolve into a puddle because their banana snapped.
Guess who got left behind with DS2 (mid-sugar crash and refusing to nap) and DD1 (who is 12 going on 35 and in a mood because I wouldn’t let her buy £18 toner at Tesco)?

Meanwhile, DH is sending me pics from the park like he’s Father of the Year, with DS1 smiling on the swings and DD2 feeding ducks like something from a bloody Boden catalogue.

Back here? DS2 bit me (gently, but still) and DD1 just told me I “don’t get how hard it is to be a tween.” I am actively hiding in the downstairs loo with half a bag of Haribo DS1 left behind.

I love them. I do. But why do men get points for showing up late to a game we’ve been playing since dawn?

Please tell me I’m not the only one.

Tbh honest this poster is completely right, @FrustratedMum2025 maybe try shoving a couple back in? I wouldn't start with the biter though 😬

And also, this is a question about an adult relationship. Clearly there are issues relating to communication, balance of responsibility and expectation between the OP and her partner. She obviously feels like her partner is taking the easy way out and making her feel like he is doing her a favour. This is about feeling respected by your spouse. These threads are often full of first time mothers complaining about their husband's, or a mum of two young kids saying her partner doesn't support her much. Why do these women get normal, appropriate advice but someone who, for many potential reasons that are nobody's business, has 4 kids, gets told she pretty much deserves whatever she gets.

Because that's how it's reading.

My mother in law told me that when she was in labour with her first child when she was 18, she was sobbing from the pain and told the midwife how badly it was hurting.

The midwife said to her, 'what did you expect? They don't call it labour for nothing'.

This thread reminds me a bit of that.

Sign me up, the best kind of three year old is one you can give back at the end of the day haha

Oh ouch, I wouldn't!!

So funny

🤣🤣🤣

pm the OP, she's got four you could probably borrow tomorrow!!

Don’t understand the fuss about 4 kids. Some people are behaving as if the OP is Sue Radford!

But I’m not sure why leaving the 12 year old behind was an issue. They are self sufficient at that age so OP really only had the the 3 yo to do with. He sounds like a handful so perhaps not surprising DH didn’t take him.

Yeah any man that agrees to have 4 is already a saint. Not sure how moaning about it would help.

Quite. And going from 3 to 4 is much easier than going from 1 to 2.

In any case, it is beside the point whether the OP had four or two - and presumably her dh had a hand in the decision, too. Her dh should have been able to cope with four on his own, it really isn't as hard as some people seem to think it is.

This comes down to mothers being expected to single-handedly look after the children (regardless of the number) but the fathers being medal winners if they manage to do a fraction (in this case 50%) of the childcare, usually for a fraction of the time.

Fullcircle90

4 kids. No one needs 4 kids. So ridiculous to have so many and the complain when you’ve got to parent just half of them

‘Just half of them’ -so two children. Of course people can complain about two children acting up, each one child can be an issue. Mn is literally for this purpose!

And then to come on leave condescending posts about how it's Mathematics, actually, when in the real world, the real life workload isn't always dependent on the numbers of children. There are so many variables; age of children, temperament, health of children, physical and mental health of parents, spacing between children etc etc, that are more impactful on how difficult any parent finds the role.

asked if dinner is nearly ready

I’d serve his balls on a plate. With chips.

Was he hands on parent when you had DD1?

@FrustratedMum2025 sorry but I would have left him with the 4 kids and gone to town alone!

#missespoint

This! I have 3 & I think I’ve had it relatively easy once past the baby /toddler stage (DS1 is 2 yrs older than DTs so small age gap). No health issues or ND. Fairly good natured, well behaved kids with laid back personalities. Lots of dumb luck rather than amazing parenting! Some dc I know would have broken me! So many variables than just the number of dc! Though people who have more than 4 are mental imo!

This is absolutely hilarious. I have two 12 year old boys and I can assure you, they are as much hard work now (when at home) that they were when they were 5. Worse even because now I’ve got fighting and trying to kill each other alongside horrible rudeness, sarcastic comments teen behaviour.

I’ve got an 11 year old boy and a 13 year old boy. They are most definitely not as much word as toddlers and little kids.
We don’t have fighting or horrible rudeness 🫤. Nothing behind the odd snipe at each other.

You actually need to let him have it. Loudly.

And then leave him with all 4 for a few hours to sort, including cooking and cleaning up.

This is why most people don’t have 4 kids.

I know someone who was definitely finished at 3 but had a surprise pregnancy when she thought she was in perimenopause and it was twins! So sometimes these things can happen unexpectedly. I don't think I'll ever be 'finished' having children but have had to stop myself as my husband doesn't want anymore. If he did, I would probably keep going as i found that the more kids i added into the mix, the deeper and more layered the relationships within the family became and i find it oddly additive! 😄

But my kids are mostly pretty chilled and their characters complement eachother. They also dote on the youngest one and I have helpers to pass me a nappy or keep the youngest entertained while I hang washing out.

I mean this doesn’t sound all that bad though I guess it depends on context! I’ve got 3, partner took eldest 2 ton activity then I did some cleaning/ sorting at home. Then I took eldest and youngest for a walk whilst he took middle child to the shops (she wanted to buy clothes), then we met for an ice cream. Then we went home, I cooked dinner and he’s cleaning up, I’m changing the beds whilst the kids watch TV. Isn’t this just normal family life?

I do slightly agree as well that if you want loads of me time, having 4 kids over 9 years isn’t the best idea, and also that essentially you were looking after 1 3yr old rather than 4 kids, so I don’t really get the big fuss.

Noone needs to have two kids either…mind your own!

I’ve poured a glass of wine and I’m ignoring the dishes like they personally offended me.

Yes, I chose to have 4. Yes, I knew it would be chaos. No, that doesn’t mean I signed up to solo-parent every weekend while DH gets applause for parenting two “easy ones” and asking what’s for dinner.

I don’t think it’s wild to expect the person I made the kids with to maybe co-parent them without acting like he deserves a standing ovation.
He wasn’t always like this. Or maybe he was and I was too sleep-deprived to notice.

Anyway, thanks to everyone who gets it. To the ones acting like 4 kids is some moral failing, feel free to pop over next Saturday and take a shift. Bring snacks.

Starting to wonder if I need to start “generously” offering him breaks by disappearing for 6 hours next Saturday.

No offence OP but the time to do this was about 12 years ago. Are you and your DH partners or not????

as to your last post that you’re ‘ignoring the dishes’. Why on earth are you ignoring them rather than saying ‘DH you’re on dishes duty today’. There’s no medals for saints.

I’ve read a couple of threads on mums net recently and I’m despairing that women are putting up with this crap

sorry edited to add because I read it back and I sound ubsympathetic. Yes absolutely tell him next week you’re going out by yourself for 6 hours. Whilst I personally work have done this much sooner you can’t time travel so do it now!!!