Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Would you consider this cheating?

131 replies

Springcleaning85 · 03/04/2025 21:58

I've been seeing someone for 3 months and we are exclusive. We met on a dating app and the first 2 weeks of seeing him and chatting to him, I went on a couple of dates with another guy and had sex with him.
We had only been on 3 dates by the point when I slept with the other guy and there were no chats about exclusivity etc. I also hadn't had sex with my current guy by that point either or even kissed him.
Just wanting to know would this be seen as cheating? I never saw the other guy again after the first 2 weeks as realised I really liked the guy I'm with now.
I don't know why but I do feel a bit icky for having sex with someone else while we were chatting , seeing each other and having a lovely time together.
In my defence, I was keeping my options open and found the other guy attractive and funny at the time.

OP posts:
Couldthiswork · 03/04/2025 21:59

Nope, I definitely wouldn’t consider it cheating or wrong at that stage

Original poster
Springcleaning85 · 03/04/2025 22:00

@Couldthiswork thank you, that makes me feel a whole lot better. This has kind of been bothering me

OP posts:
ThisUniqueDreamer · 03/04/2025 22:00

Not sureI would consider it cheating, but I wouldn't want to know about it

If my current partner had done that in the first few dates, I would rather he never told me. Unless of course, the x was going to come out of the woodwork again, but that's unlikely.

Just keep it to yourself.

Original poster
Springcleaning85 · 03/04/2025 22:02

@ThisUniqueDreamer yes absolutely, he doesn't need to know about it. It's more just to get an outside opinion on it

OP posts:
HafNedd123 · 03/04/2025 22:08

Absoloutley not cheating Blush

HangingOver · 03/04/2025 22:11

Definitely not

2025willbemytime · 03/04/2025 22:14

Not cheating unless you told him, or let him think, you are exclusive. I don't get your in defence as a defence though. It's irrelevant.

Couldthiswork · 03/04/2025 22:19

Yeah I absolutely wouldn’t mention it. You did nothing wrong but he probably wouldn’t want to think about you either someone else

AlwaysCoffee25 · 03/04/2025 22:22

Not cheating and don’t mention it.

OchreRaven · 03/04/2025 22:27

That’s cross over, not cheating in my opinion.

Often when people are dating there will be emotional or physical cross over with another person before the new relationship gets serious and becomes exclusive.

I’m sure your current partner would not like to know about it and would be hurt because he now has feelings for you, but taken as a snapshot in time those feelings were not the same then and neither of you knew what it would become.

I have been in this situation and you do feel guilt later down the line once feelings have developed but that’s just because you are a decent person.

Stagshear · 03/04/2025 22:34

I’d be devastated if I found out the guy I am with had slept with someone else since we met. It might not be cheating, but if I were you I would certainly be hoping the current fella didn’t find out

ThisUniqueDreamer · 03/04/2025 22:35

Stagshear · 03/04/2025 22:34

I’d be devastated if I found out the guy I am with had slept with someone else since we met. It might not be cheating, but if I were you I would certainly be hoping the current fella didn’t find out

Agreed. Id rather not know about it

Ineffable23 · 03/04/2025 22:37

I might not be happy (who would be?) but it would come into the category of things I shrugged and moved on from, if I found out. Don't think it's cheating.

Pallisers · 03/04/2025 22:37

not at all. and he doesn't need to know about it.

Seeingsomone · 03/04/2025 22:38

Springcleaning85 · 03/04/2025 21:58

I've been seeing someone for 3 months and we are exclusive. We met on a dating app and the first 2 weeks of seeing him and chatting to him, I went on a couple of dates with another guy and had sex with him.
We had only been on 3 dates by the point when I slept with the other guy and there were no chats about exclusivity etc. I also hadn't had sex with my current guy by that point either or even kissed him.
Just wanting to know would this be seen as cheating? I never saw the other guy again after the first 2 weeks as realised I really liked the guy I'm with now.
I don't know why but I do feel a bit icky for having sex with someone else while we were chatting , seeing each other and having a lovely time together.
In my defence, I was keeping my options open and found the other guy attractive and funny at the time.

You should tell him really.

I found out about my partner doing this and it destroyed me. I thought we were enjoying each other and stupidly assumed honesty.

this world of multiple partners is cruel and the reason why everyone is single.

sit him down and tell him the truth. Otherwise it will burn away inside you forever.

plus. Things have a habit of
coming out of the woodworks.

Stagshear · 03/04/2025 22:44

Seeingsomone · 03/04/2025 22:38

You should tell him really.

I found out about my partner doing this and it destroyed me. I thought we were enjoying each other and stupidly assumed honesty.

this world of multiple partners is cruel and the reason why everyone is single.

sit him down and tell him the truth. Otherwise it will burn away inside you forever.

plus. Things have a habit of
coming out of the woodworks.

Show quote history

If my BF sat me down to tell me about someone he’d shagged after we’d been in three dates together, I would only assume he was giving me the ammunition to end our relationship because he was too much of a wimp to do so himself.

Seeingsomone · 03/04/2025 22:47

Stagshear · 03/04/2025 22:44

If my BF sat me down to tell me about someone he’d shagged after we’d been in three dates together, I would only assume he was giving me the ammunition to end our relationship because he was too much of a wimp to do so himself.

Show quote history

It’s the dual dating.

you’re happily getting into something lovely and doing lovely things, hoping and being all vulnerable.

meanwhile she is banging someone else.

it‘s dishonest Jennie.

ouch321 · 03/04/2025 22:49

Stuff like this is how I know I don't fit in the modern world.

I think (and I know I'm the outlier as evidenced by all the other responses on the thread saying it's totally cool) this behaviour is repulsive, using and discarding of people like they're disposable cutlery.

10 years ago, this was not the norm. "Exclusive" wasn't a word used in this context of dating. You'd be seeing Person A and that was it.

Seeingsomone · 03/04/2025 22:50

ouch321 · 03/04/2025 22:49

Stuff like this is how I know I don't fit in the modern world.

I think (and I know I'm the outlier as evidenced by all the other responses on the thread saying it's totally cool) this behaviour is repulsive, using and discarding of people like they're disposable cutlery.

10 years ago, this was not the norm. "Exclusive" wasn't a word used in this context of dating. You'd be seeing Person A and that was it.

This

toadinthebucket · 03/04/2025 22:54

Seeingsomone · 03/04/2025 22:47

It’s the dual dating.

you’re happily getting into something lovely and doing lovely things, hoping and being all vulnerable.

meanwhile she is banging someone else.

it‘s dishonest Jennie.

Show quote history

Who is Jennie?

SunflowerTed · 03/04/2025 23:22

Seeingsomone · 03/04/2025 22:38

You should tell him really.

I found out about my partner doing this and it destroyed me. I thought we were enjoying each other and stupidly assumed honesty.

this world of multiple partners is cruel and the reason why everyone is single.

sit him down and tell him the truth. Otherwise it will burn away inside you forever.

plus. Things have a habit of
coming out of the woodworks.

Show quote history

Why when they weren’t exclusive??????? Why ruin something when she wasn’t cheating ?

VoodooQualities · 04/04/2025 00:09

Does he have lovely memories of those dates with you and imagine you were falling for him? If so, poor man.

What happened happened but my goodness, stories like this make me really sad.

blacksax · 04/04/2025 00:13

You were going on casual dates with more than one person for what - a fortnight, and did a 'try before you buy' with one of them. That's not cheating, that's being sensible. You don't buy a sofa without sitting on it first, do you?😂

Bluemoonbluebell · 04/04/2025 00:18

I always thought ‘being exclusive’ was an American thing. I am older and settled now, but it wasn’t a thing when I was younger. You saw one person at a time. Times have changed I guess.

RickiRaccoon · 04/04/2025 00:21

Not cheating. You'd met him but you weren't a couple yet. And don't tell him because it might make him feel bad.

Swipe left for the next trending thread