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Original poster

Would you consider this cheating?

131 replies

Springcleaning85 · 03/04/2025 21:58

I've been seeing someone for 3 months and we are exclusive. We met on a dating app and the first 2 weeks of seeing him and chatting to him, I went on a couple of dates with another guy and had sex with him.
We had only been on 3 dates by the point when I slept with the other guy and there were no chats about exclusivity etc. I also hadn't had sex with my current guy by that point either or even kissed him.
Just wanting to know would this be seen as cheating? I never saw the other guy again after the first 2 weeks as realised I really liked the guy I'm with now.
I don't know why but I do feel a bit icky for having sex with someone else while we were chatting , seeing each other and having a lovely time together.
In my defence, I was keeping my options open and found the other guy attractive and funny at the time.

OP posts:
AlwaysCoffee25 · 04/04/2025 19:19

ThisUniqueDreamer · 04/04/2025 19:17

I agree and I'm not even that old. When I was in my teens / early 20s it just wasn't you did.

You didn't two time people it wasn't the done thing. You went on a date with someone it was expected that you didn't see anyone else. You are allowed to wait. If you go on a handful of dates and it doesn't work out then start again.

But I can't accept or condone this multi dating, we're not exclusive nonsense.

Show quote history

I had loads of dog walk dates. Two birds one stone. I thoroughly enjoyed meeting new people (and often more so their dogs).

Bluemoonbluebell · 04/04/2025 20:20

AlwaysCoffee25 · 04/04/2025 12:29

Nobody is celebrating it, they’re just giving OP validation that she can still move forward with man A.

You can still chose not to behave differently in 2025. It’s not set in stone - and it’s really not a new development, it’s human nature.

No, speaking as someone in her 50s, it is indeed new.

Having to have a chat about ‘being exclusive’ was not a thing that happened 30 years ago on this side of the Atlantic.

People cheating behind someone’s back is a different thing. Unfortunately that’s always happened. But ‘dating’ several people before then ‘becoming exclusive’ with one?That is something new, though I’m not sure how new exactly.

TwistedWonder · 04/04/2025 20:30

Bluemoonbluebell · 04/04/2025 20:20

No, speaking as someone in her 50s, it is indeed new.

Having to have a chat about ‘being exclusive’ was not a thing that happened 30 years ago on this side of the Atlantic.

People cheating behind someone’s back is a different thing. Unfortunately that’s always happened. But ‘dating’ several people before then ‘becoming exclusive’ with one?That is something new, though I’m not sure how new exactly.

Show quote history

I’m also in my 50’s and yes it is a relatively new way of dating and not for the better imo.

I lived in NY for a couple of years and it was a thing there. I remember being horrified at the idea of non exclusive multi dating - it felt like an excuse to just use as many as possible for no strings sex under the pretence of a possible relationship.

As someone single again after a long marriage, I don’t recognise dating culture now and I’d rather stay single than participate in non exclusive multi dating - it feels like a pick me dance

ThisUniqueDreamer · 04/04/2025 20:50

Bluemoonbluebell · 04/04/2025 20:20

No, speaking as someone in her 50s, it is indeed new.

Having to have a chat about ‘being exclusive’ was not a thing that happened 30 years ago on this side of the Atlantic.

People cheating behind someone’s back is a different thing. Unfortunately that’s always happened. But ‘dating’ several people before then ‘becoming exclusive’ with one?That is something new, though I’m not sure how new exactly.

Show quote history

I'm younger in my late thirties, and when I was at university mid 2000 to late 2000s, believe me, it wasn't a thing.

You didn't multi date and then date somebody for some time, have sex with them, do the same with several other guys and and then decide which one you want it and become exclusive with them.

Being exclusive wasn't a thing back then, if you met somebody and went on a few dates, it was implicit that you were.

It has started with the advent of dating apps. It's like a kid in a sweet shop. Too much choice, too many people to see even when you found somebody you like.Just keep looking anyway.Keep having sex with the other guy because you're not sure about the new one, even though he's been really kind to you. Men are even worse.

It just reduces people to commodities.

TheKhakiQuail · 17/09/2025 06:37

ouch321 · 03/04/2025 22:49

Stuff like this is how I know I don't fit in the modern world.

I think (and I know I'm the outlier as evidenced by all the other responses on the thread saying it's totally cool) this behaviour is repulsive, using and discarding of people like they're disposable cutlery.

10 years ago, this was not the norm. "Exclusive" wasn't a word used in this context of dating. You'd be seeing Person A and that was it.

I think for decades there have been people who are more casual about relationships and sex, and people who aren't. There are a lot of us outliers.

Zanatdy · 17/09/2025 06:48

It’s not cheating no, but I don’t think i’d want to be seeing a few different guys at once, but I know that seems to be the norm with online dating.

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