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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DP just turned on me - help...

321 replies

podglet · 14/05/2008 21:33

DP came home from work tonight with the words "bad day, going to have a beer or 7". Not unusual. He lights the BBQ for the first time (was only built at weekend) and happily pootles about with that for a while. I put DS (18 months) to bed and settle DD (1 month tomorrow). All the while, he is chatting but I can see that the beer has already got to him (find out that the first 3 pints are 8% ers).

Whilst cooking the BBQ, I go out to see what he is doing. I wander up to him as he turns around, pats my stomach and says "are you pg again" er, no I had a baby 4 weeks ago and oddly enough as it was a section, haven't quite toned up again yet. He thinks he is hilarious. I have a mild sense of humour failure.

All through tea he goes on and on about making new friends now we have kids (eh? what's wrong with the old ones). We start talking about a child at DS's nursery and DP thinks he has dubious parentage (don't ask( he then goes on to say that he still isn't sure DS is his (an age old conversation that never fails to irritate me, because he refuses to trust me. DS is his). Rather than bite back, I go quiet. I get on with the clearing up. He goes on and on and on about nothing for a while longer then storms upstairs because I'm being horrible.

I follow him up to find him going to bed. DD is asleep in her moses basket downstairs. He tells me to get my and her stuff and sleep downstairs. i ask him why he is being like this, lose my temper a bit and pull the duvet off him. He responds by leaping out of bed and putting his hands around my throat. I grab at him to make him let go. He then hits me round the head 5 or 6 times before telling me to F* off. I don't know what to do. This is all going to turn out to be my fault toomorrow and I am scared for me and the children. Please help me.

OP posts:
TheHedgeWitch · 14/05/2008 23:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

pooter · 15/05/2008 00:44

podglet, im in colchester - i can drive you wherever you want to go - sussex, wherever. Ive got two car seats, just the right size for your little ones.

sorry i wasnt about earlier. I will check the thread at 1.30am then 7.30am. I can go at a minutes notice. Ive met purpleflower so she can vouch for me!

Hope his sister came over and is helping you xx

FAQ · 15/05/2008 00:47

just to add to pooters message, if you can't go to Sussex for whatever reason to stay, then if pooter is willing to drive I'm 110% serious that you can come here to me in Northamptonshire if you need/want to.

purpleflower · 15/05/2008 00:51

I can vouch for pooter, she is lovely. I am also here if you need me. I'm out most of tomorrow (funeral) and a few hours on friday (hospital) but will keep checking my emails just in case.

FAQ · 15/05/2008 00:54

I have MN'ers that can vouch for me too (ShelleyLou and ItsMYMummy).

pooter · 15/05/2008 01:43

ok podge, i hope you are ok for now. I will check this thread at 7.30am tomorrow. If you want me to take you somewhere then, i can get a friend to look after ds and can drive you wherever you want.

If you just want to meet a friendly face im there for that too. xx

MaryBS · 15/05/2008 05:07

Podglet, my internet connection was down last night, so only just seen this ... if there is anything I can do, I'm here - we have a spare room here, plus we can shuffle the kids around if need be. I can always come and get you in my car... and/,or take you somewhere else you want to go.

You DON'T have to put up with this

suttonmb
at
talktalk
dot
net

Praying...

shabster · 15/05/2008 05:29

Pod - Get out sweetheart.

Dont be like me. Please.

30 years of marriage. 30 years filled with regrets, if onlys, sadness.

Walk away and dont look back...it will happen again.

Thinking about you.

Julezboo · 15/05/2008 07:43

Hope your ok today Pod - please do get help. He will do it again

pooter · 15/05/2008 08:20

good morning podglet, im here if you need me...

email is archipooter at googlemail dotcom

cocolepew · 15/05/2008 08:22

Thinking of you, hope you are ok.

EffiePerine · 15/05/2008 08:32

Hope things are OK today . Do take up the kind offers of help on here if you need to.

eenybeeny · 15/05/2008 08:33

podge I am in colchester as well and know purple and pooter. We can all help you. Please let us. We will do whatever we can to help. You must not live like this! email me at senatorvass at gmail dot com please!

FAQ · 15/05/2008 08:43

hope you're ok this morning podglet - offer still stands as above

podglet · 15/05/2008 09:28

Morning all,

well, I am crying again but this time it is at the lovely people on here. So many kind offers and messages.

Eeny - I remember being on a few threads with you just before I had DS (Nov '06)

Purpleflower and Pooter, I am sure you are fabulous, you don't need people to vouch for you

Well, an update. His sister didn't turn up. She text me to say she wanted to stay out of it as she would feel caught in the middle.

So I curled up on the sitting room floor and tried to sleep. DD woke at 3.30 and settled again at 4.30. (D)P came down at 5 am to "talk" to me to make me understand that he wouldn't have hit me if I had just left him alone / hadn't grabbed at him when he put his hands round my throat. I just kept saying "but you hit me in the head". He isn't in the slightest bit sorry. He suggested he look for a flat and I didn't say anything. My heart is breaking. My poor babies. He has gone to work now. I have already left a message for the HV and have looked at the Womens aid website. I am still debating ringing the police.

Thank you again for all your help and support last night and this morning.

OP posts:
TheHedgeWitch · 15/05/2008 09:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

NatalieJaneIsPregnantAgain · 15/05/2008 09:32

Podglet, not really sure what to say. I am so for you that you were left alone all night I think you do need to ring the police if only so they have it on record.

Is there any way of getting to the cottage with your mum? Bus/train? Someone must be able to take you.

I really don't like the idea of you and the kids being there when he get's later on.

And obviously if there is anything I can do, just let me know, I really wish I could make all of this just go away for you

EffiePerine · 15/05/2008 09:32

Oh podglet . Do you have any friends nearby (or even not so nearby) who you can alert in case it happens again and you need somewhere to go fast? Shame on your SIL, though it might be better to have an external source of help (for you and the kids, not her).

I would really consider ringing the police, esp as your DH doesn't seem to think it's a problem that he is hitting his wife .

NatalieJaneIsPregnantAgain · 15/05/2008 09:33

Sorry, when he get's in later on...

SlartyBartFast · 15/05/2008 09:33

perhaps his sister was right not to be caught in middle,
at least he said he would look for a flat, that is something positive. let him.
hope hv is helpful

EffiePerine · 15/05/2008 09:33

hope your HV gets back to you with help (is your HV usually helpful?)

Do you need to go to the GP to get checked out? Any headaches or stiffness?

Roseylea · 15/05/2008 09:35

{{{{{{hugs}}}}} Podglet. Take every offer of support and help, okay? Let us know what the HV / WA say.

podglet · 15/05/2008 09:37

I have a headache and a still neck but that's due to sleeping on the floor I suspect. HV is usually ok, don't know her v well as we moved last year so not the same one as I had for DS.

Also waiting for my mum to pick up her message. I might go to hers tonight if she is coming home.

I can't believe the man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with has turned into this. I feel sick.

OP posts:
DutchOma · 15/05/2008 09:37

Is your phone on? Have you got enough credit? I can put some on for you if you tell me the provider?

EffiePerine · 15/05/2008 09:38

it's perfectly OK to grieve - you have lost something that was very important to you

really do whatever you need to to feel and keep SAFE.