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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DP just turned on me - help...

321 replies

podglet · 14/05/2008 21:33

DP came home from work tonight with the words "bad day, going to have a beer or 7". Not unusual. He lights the BBQ for the first time (was only built at weekend) and happily pootles about with that for a while. I put DS (18 months) to bed and settle DD (1 month tomorrow). All the while, he is chatting but I can see that the beer has already got to him (find out that the first 3 pints are 8% ers).

Whilst cooking the BBQ, I go out to see what he is doing. I wander up to him as he turns around, pats my stomach and says "are you pg again" er, no I had a baby 4 weeks ago and oddly enough as it was a section, haven't quite toned up again yet. He thinks he is hilarious. I have a mild sense of humour failure.

All through tea he goes on and on about making new friends now we have kids (eh? what's wrong with the old ones). We start talking about a child at DS's nursery and DP thinks he has dubious parentage (don't ask( he then goes on to say that he still isn't sure DS is his (an age old conversation that never fails to irritate me, because he refuses to trust me. DS is his). Rather than bite back, I go quiet. I get on with the clearing up. He goes on and on and on about nothing for a while longer then storms upstairs because I'm being horrible.

I follow him up to find him going to bed. DD is asleep in her moses basket downstairs. He tells me to get my and her stuff and sleep downstairs. i ask him why he is being like this, lose my temper a bit and pull the duvet off him. He responds by leaping out of bed and putting his hands around my throat. I grab at him to make him let go. He then hits me round the head 5 or 6 times before telling me to F* off. I don't know what to do. This is all going to turn out to be my fault toomorrow and I am scared for me and the children. Please help me.

OP posts:
lilyloo · 14/05/2008 22:22

Have you told her what's happened ?

EffiePerine · 14/05/2008 22:23

Glad someone is on their way . Telling someone in RL about this is an immensely brave first step.

QuintessentialShadows · 14/05/2008 22:23

Good Luck. I hope you get the help and support you need. Stay strong.

LoveMyGirls · 14/05/2008 22:23

I'm so glad she is on her way I really hope you can find it in you to call the police xx

DutchOma · 14/05/2008 22:23

Thank God for that. Blessings darling, catch up later.

lilyloo · 14/05/2008 22:24

sorry x post hop she can give you some rl support, please be honest with her

SlartyBartFast · 14/05/2008 22:24

hoep all goes ok

FAQ · 14/05/2008 22:24

Good luck - and if you do need to get away my door is always open (quite literally as I frequently forget to lock it when I go to sleep )

jingleyjen · 14/05/2008 22:25

SO pleased someone is going to be with you.
My prayers are for you to have a peaceful night.

controlfreakyagain · 14/05/2008 22:25

relieved to know you wont be alone there. let us know how you are tomorrow wont you? please think carefully about taking action to protect yourself and your dcs. .... dont want to sound melodramatic but what if one of them was in your arms when this happened?

MerlinsBeard · 14/05/2008 22:25

glad someone is coming over.

please ring, thinking of you x

VeniVidiVickiQV · 14/05/2008 22:26

Oh podge

Please rethink calling the police. He needs to understand that he cannot behave like this - with you or anyone.

Sound advice from hunker and custy too.

swiftyknickers · 14/05/2008 22:28

good luck-please,please let us know how you get on. My thoughtsare with you x

Heated · 14/05/2008 22:28

What he's just done is awful and frightening. You are scared of making a bad situation worse, but my love, things have just got as bad as they possibly could get. I can't stand the idea of you and your dcs staying around to be this man's punchbag.

Call the police and report it. Then phone Women's Aid. He needs to wake-up to himself. Nothing you have said or done have made a difference - and nor could you because it's a problem HE has but YOU are taking the brutal consequences, and that's just not right.

Your dcs need a mum. They don't need a violent, abusive man shaping their lives. You need support, love and help. Please act.

FAQ · 14/05/2008 22:28

podlget if you want to email me at any point it's

gwenick . taff @ ntlworld . com

hunkermunker · 14/05/2008 22:28

Well done, Pod - please post an update tomorrow. Glad you've got company coming. Hope you can get some rest tonight - and do think about an escape plan.

purpleflower · 14/05/2008 22:29

purpleflower1 at live dot co dot uk

If you need me.

littleducks · 14/05/2008 22:29

its not too late to tell police btw, if you wish you had tomorrow or next week, be sure to tell someone outside his family to protect yourself in future

Heated · 14/05/2008 22:32

Sorry, just caught up. Will be thinking of you.

ElizabethBeresfordSW19 · 14/05/2008 22:32

Yes little ducks. My ex's MIL saw marks on my face and now she refuses to believe that her son 'could have hurt me'. huh?

I agree about the stash. Save what you can. Post precious documents to your Mum. Keep a change of clothing at Purpleflower's house. Being a single mum is a walk in the park compared to bottling up the misery of being with a verbally and physically aggressive partner.

onebatmother · 14/05/2008 22:32

podg - can I add my voice? 'Trust' issues + violence = more violence.

Even had he not hit you then he is emotionally abusing you by continually questioning ds's paternity.

Please get away before he makes you feel that you can't.

NotABanana · 14/05/2008 22:34

I am mortified at what I said, podglet.

I apologise again.

I hope you are okay and your children are safe.

Youcannotbeserious · 14/05/2008 22:36

Podglet - telling his sister is good, and the fact you will have someone with you is even better.

Try and get some sleep.

Thinking of you,

YCBS xx

snotbuster · 14/05/2008 22:47

I've just skim read this. Something very similar happened to me once (well, a few times actually). Two years on I still regret not having called the police when it happened, for many reasons.
I understand very well that you are in a state of shock, terror and disbelief right now. I hope all of the posts on this thread have helped you.
You and your children need to be safe and to be protected from this ever happening again. The police are very helpful and understanding of domestic violence these days (I had only good experiences when I did eventually speak to them).
Please ring them.

YouNeverKnow · 14/05/2008 22:52

glad that she is coming over x

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