Had an affair with married man when I was 19 and he’s got back in touch and idk what to do

[Thenighttimer]

After my previous post, I wanted to write a bit more in detail about my situation

Basically when I was 19 I started seeing a man who was 39 at the time and was married with a child.. fast forward 6 years later he’s back in touch. What should I do??

we met suddenly and he never hid the fact he was married. I was 19 and loved the excitement and the attention. I never felt used at any point, if anything I’d say I had more control. I was aware of what I was doing but still felt guilty.

this man literally told me everything about his life, told me things he said he couldn’t even tell his wife. He even opened up to me about cheating on his wife previous times before me. He’d get quite jealous if I mentioned other guys, which I kind of enjoyed as this fed slightly into my daddy issues.

I would drive to his house on his days off work and we would have sex, he’d call me at night on the weekends and we would talk for 4/5 hours. One night his wife was out, I slept over. We ordered Chinese, had drinks, cuddled and talked. We seemed to have a good connection, I knew everything about him, although I kept him at arms length and was smart enough not to tell him everything about mine. He’d talk about leaving his wife for me, he said we wanted to get a place together he just needed to wait till his child was older, although I wasn’t stupid, this was the last thing I wanted. I enjoyed the fun

this went on for 3 years and this man was obsessed. He’d link Spotify playlists adding songs which reminded him of me, kept a ring I left at his and carried it his wallet. All in all it was pretty toxic but because I was young, I enjoyed it.

as I’ve gotten older, I genuinely felt sorry for his wife. Although he said the marriage was loveless and I only ever got one side of the story.

anyway, one night we were on the phone he went crazy cause I said I was out with a guy and he got jealous. The next morning I got the urge to just not reply to him again. Fast forward years later and he’s back in touch.. I don’t know what to do. I’m not sure of his situation now although I know if I get back in touch, history could end up repeating. Any advice ????

I should add, I believed I was The One he told me I was for several years, not realising he had lied to me every day including the day we met. While he told his gfs we weren’t happy, he was telling me we were perfect together, and he wanted no one else.
So, unless the wife confirms they only stayed together for the child, I wouldn’t believe him. I bet there’s more than one child now.

Going to their home and shagging in the marital bed is the lowest of the low. It’s one thing being taken in by a creep, it’s another knowingly defiling her home, her bed. You need to think about what kind of person you are going to be in future, because he feels only contempt for you and other women. He’s a misogynistic pos

You know what to do.

Saying you've been close when you've had a drink shows what a truly awful selfish human you are. And one day when you grow up and settle down I hope the karma bus runs through your dreams like you're doing to another woman.

absolutely block and delete.

You were, as they say: "young and stupid".

You are no longer young. Going forward, choose not to be the other as well.

Disgusting cheating filthy cunt of a man lies to get his dick wet - and in other news the pope is a catholic.

His poor wife with you grubby pair defiling her bed.

Grow up and learn to be a decent human being because that fucker sure as hell never will. He’ll end of one of the sleazy old creeps chasing women decades his junior right into his dotage. Does he sound appealing. ? 🤢

pp are asking if you’re a troll because your op is so ridiculous
to give benefit of the doubt that you’re real, you should block and delete him. Stop being so incredibly awful to his wife and so incredibly naive to think being his mistress is a coveted spot.

No, maybe it wasn't a happy marriage, maybe it was just for the sake of the child, but it was still a marriage. An agreement between two people to respect and love eachother.
Or maybe he was just a very good liar and he lied to his wife as much as he lied to you.
Even if marriage did not work anymore do you think his wife wouldn't have been hurt by what her husband did??
Look, many of us when young did stupid things until we learned how to adult. But at 25 you're kinda expected to know this is wrong and what was then will never be now.
The guy is approaching 50 for God's sake. He might have looked terribly cool when you were 19 but do you really think this belly growing hair loosing middle aged guy will be the same?
Have you ever been cheated on by someone you really loved and build a home and a life with?
Please grow up, move on and if you want to be someone's plaything, at least chose a single guy... If you like this kind of thing, don't drag a whole family through it..

What should you do? Grow up, have some integrity!

But why do you need opinions when you know, assuming he is still married, it would be both stupid and wrong?

What a nasty piece of work you are.

Yeah he’s just a creep. He’s definitely also hit up the other affairs looking for attention. I am guessing at this point he’s also an aging creep. Anyone who brings another woman into their partners home is void of any feelings. Don’t reply. You aren’t special. One of many clearly

If he’s still living with his wife carrying on, you’re a fool to even engage in conversation with him.

Also what do you think will come of it ? You’ll get together and live happily ever after …. Or

You’ll get together and constantly second guess your relationship with a cheater.

With respect, you have no idea how she felt. HE might have been unhappy - but that doesn't excuse having an affair with a teenager.

You're an adult now. I'm not going to judge a 19 year old for those actions; but I would judge you now for getting back in touch.

So this went on for 3 years?

Between 19-22 you were shagging a married man twice your age.

Now you're 25 and he has come crawling back and... what on earth makes him a vaguely acceptable prospect?

You have your whole life ahead of you to date decent single men. Gain some self respect.

You are gross…you know what you should do and you knew back then.

You tell him to fuck off as even if he's single he's a controlling untrustworthy cheating shit.

You then look at yourself as to why at 19 and even now you've bought the "unhappy marriage" scenario and do better. Maybe grow up a bit

Why would you want to restart this, and open this rotten old can of worms?
You say how he confided in you things that he never told his wife, and that stands out to me as a classic lie these cheating husbands tell mistressesnor side chicks. It's all nonsense and lies, the wife probably thinks she knows/loves him better than anyone just as you seemed to do.
He just wants the attention and doesn't love anyone, is my guess.
cheating men are possessive of their wives and also possessive of side chicks, which is hilarious yet sad.
If you want advice on "what to do" then block, delete and remove all access.
You can't trust this guy with anything ever

Why is this even a question?

You learn from your past and don't entertain him... look for someone single and not a walking huge red flag.

You shouldn't trust or believe a word he says about his wife. He's lying to her so don't flatter yourself by thinking he is telling you the truth , that's your ego letting you be so naive.
Also why would it be "interesting" to see if they're still together? That's just cruel of you. It's not interesting, mind your own business.
Come on girl, don't be foolish again.

Also why was a 39 year old man interested in a teenager?

This whole thing is just vile to be honest.

Surely it is irrelevant whether he's still with his wife. He's a lying, cheating scumbag - that hasn't altered. Do you really think this is all you deserve? You're not 19 any more, you know why older men are attracted to girls less than half their age who will hop into bed for a Chinese takeaway! If he treated the woman he was married to, the mother of his child, so badly why would he be honest and trustworthy with you.

In case you have missed the other advice, block and delete.

And even if he's not still married it would be incredibly stupid.

Tell him to do one. Delete contact & block.

you might not have felt used but you were. You would never be able to trust him so what would you gain other than hurting innocent people?

If this is real, you're an idiot if you think he's anything but a lying, cheating wanker.