Crushing so badly on my sons primary school teacher.

[93Queen]

Ok so before anyone jumps on me for this, I KNOW how wrong and inappropriate this is. My son started in his class in September and from the moment I first clapped eyes on this man, I couldn’t help but find him extremely attractive. I’m not with anyone by the way and haven’t been for a few years now. Just recently, I think I’m seeing things that just aren’t there and it won’t go away. We had a meeting in school recently, and I’m not joking when I say the chemistry is real! For me obviously, not him. It’s all one sided. Anyway, as I walked to the school, my heart was racing and I’ve never felt ‘butterflies’ as bad as that before. As I waited in the reception area of the school, I could see him staring at me through the glass whilst he was quickly getting himself a drink. I also saw him give me a quick stare as he walked into the office. As I said, I know this is wrong but I can’t help the way this man makes me feel. I’m not sure if he’s in a relationship, all I know is, he’s the same age as me but doesn’t yet have any children. How do I stop this ridiculous behaviour of mine? It’s an embarrassment feeling this way in my 30s! He has also invited me in for an additional parents evening, that was just before Christmas, but again, I know all of these things are just him being nice and a lovely teacher. Even if he did find me attractive, how would I know? Is there any body language or anything I can look out for? Reason I ask is I’m pretty sure there’s another parents evening coming up soon, and I just wondered how he would act whilst siting directly opposite me if he was to find me attractive too. Thank you for reading if you got to the end and sorry for rambling on.

You've got a teenage crush. Calm down.

No.
limit your interactions/ conversations with him.
One day in the future if you run into him at the shops, stop and have a chat you will well and truly know if he is interested

Gently, it probably is all in your head.

Looking at you through the glass- oh shit, she’s here- was hoping for a quick cuppa before the meeting.

Looking at you in the meeting- completely normal- I look at parents in IEP meetings. I’d be horrified if I thought they’d were reading anything into it!

Rubbish! whether Sir responds is entirely at Sirs discretion, it has nothing to do with the child, in any way shape or form.

Presumably you are a teacher and it offends YOUR self imposed boundaries, which is fine - but there is no regulation to prevent it.

If OP asks Sir out for a coffee, he can either accept or decline, that's up to him and HIS boundaries, not anything put out by the Department for Education!

OP, just get it out of your system, ask him if he'd like to have a coffee over easter - it will go one of two ways and that's it, case closed.

Trust me its not breaking any rules - he may have numerous reasons to say no, or may just say yes!!

The worst that can happen is he turns you down and that's it.

Honestly, there is no evidence in any way shape or form of how he feels for anyone to advise at all!

he might be thinking, I really fancy a parent but I can’t say anything because of work rules or she might be horrified and it will all be terribly awkward if I have misinterpreted her being chatty. I did catch her staring though but could have been for all manner of reasons

he might also be thinking, there is a parent who acts a bit awkward around me. It’s making me a bit uncomfortable- I caught her staring and it was weird

he might also be completely clueless and not picked up on anything

he might also be in a relationship!

I don’t think anyway here can give you any advice other than don’t do anything until next school year and even then I am clueless as to what you could actually do but it certainly is a different dynamic when it isn’t your child’s teacher.

Have we all forgotten how to ask someone out in real life...

Question

"So, I was wondering if maybe you'd like to go out for a coffee over the Easter holiday"

Answer

"Yes, that would be lovely" or "Thank you but no....."

No one dies, no one is at risk of great catastrophe - its a binary answer, yes or no

You think a parent and teacher agreeing to go on a date at a parent eve doesn’t involve the child?

ok.

Do you think there’s any rules about social media as well and teachers/parents? I wouldn’t add him on Instagram now but I mean after July when my son leaves his class? I just feel like I can’t ask him to his face as I’ll be embarrassed if he says no but if we were to get talking on there then it won’t be as bad as I don’t have to face him at all then 🫣

How does it involve the child?, are we to believe Sir would be an unsuitable influence in the Childs life if a relationship blossomed? hardly, assuming he is an upstanding member of society.

And I'm assuming the child isn't coming on the date.

I'm curious as to how you feel it is to the Child's detriment or harm?

I'm afraid I agree with the posters who had said this exists only in your head. You're building an awful lot out of the fact that he looked at you a couple of times. You don't know him, he doesn't know you, you've barely even interacted. Slow down, deep breaths, stop looking at his social media (because the more you do, the easier it is to convince yourself that you 'know' him when you don't). I would actually be trying to limit interactions with him until the feelings fade. I used to be a teacher and I can tell you now that attractive young male teachers have to deal with mothers with a crush all the time.
Feelings are real but that doesn't make them true.

Speaking as a man, if it were me, I would rather you asked me face to face. I personally would be flattered (As most men would be, as I say it's rarer for ladies to ask the chaps).
For me its odder if you jump on social media and follow him - perhaps a slightly less formal opportunity will present, is there a forthcoming sports day / speech day coming up towards the end of the year where you could strike up a casual conversation.
He is likely to be less inclined to reply on SM as schools often have strict policies on SM communications, many teachers, myself included don't have public SM.

Staring or just looking? You keep saying staring. I think it’s in your head.

Parent eve is a 5 minute conversation about the child’s progress- this one is a child with an EHCP, so in need of more support and adaptation.

None of that 5 mins needs taking up with the parent and the teacher thinking about and agreeing to go on a date. That’s not what they are there for - if they are, then neither is thinking about the child.

I can’t believe that you think this interaction changes nothing for the child longer term also.

We see it very differently- and that’s ok.

He might be gay.

I would file this under "harmless fantasy to live out in my head."

Parents evening is a decidedly unromantic event. If your son has complex needs or is delayed, he may have been looking because he was thinking about the discussion you were going to have it zoning out after his busy day teaching.

When I was a young teacher (20s and 30s) quite a lot of single dad's would try to flirt (I am gay). It was always fine but I am at work and in professional mode - we have to operate by Teachers Standards. Teachers are a nice to your kids and supportive of them, what is not to like...

If he likes you enough to engage in anything on more than a professional level, he will show you. Currently, he is not.

Nope, every time I glanced up whilst waiting to go in, he was looking me right in the eyes and keeping his eyes there if that makes sense. Same when he walked into the office then, his eyes were looking straight into mine every time I looked up. And that definitely wasn’t in my head. The rest might be granted, but I know what I saw in that moment. I know people are saying oh he probably thought he had time for a drink, was checking who he was meeting etc etc but no, he knew that meeting was at that time and he knows full well I am that little boys mum. He wasn’t looking at anyone else either because there was only myself there and the other mum I mentioned earlier who I was chatting to, but her son is older than mine and he doesn’t know her. He’s new to the school as of this year

What was the word he used?

Aw I think it's lovely that you've got a crush, we're never too old to have crushes. I'm 50 and I still enjoy having crushes 😊
I think the main thing is not to make a twat out of yourself.
He probably won't make a move because he has to be professional especially as you haven't given him any indication that you like him.
Good luck

Fgs
he sounds like he makes eye contact

This is toe curling

I really want to be able to ask him face to face but I also want to save both of us the embarrassment of it all if he was to say no😳I don’t want to put him in a position where he now feels awkward because I’ve gone and done that. I know it’s probably the only way but still. If I knew what to look out for and if he maybe felt the same chemistry as I was feeling, then I’d probably just ask him

If I knew what to look out for and if he maybe felt the same chemistry as I was feeling, then I’d probably just ask him

Sure, but if none of us were pro-active in these situations we wouldn’t be in relationships or have casual sex. We’re all a long time dead.

If you are going to do it, do it on the last day. He’s not longer your child’s teacher and if he says no you have a whole 6 weeks to forget and you won’t pass him so won’t feel awkward. Then you probably won’t see him much after that in the next school years other than in passing.

How do I give him that then🤣 so he knows I like him🫣

He just asked if I had any plans over the half term, I told him what I was doing and then he mentioned he was going away with some friends for the week. I didn’t even ask him what he was getting up to, he just told me

It’s really not fair to put him in that position.