How often do you message married men?

[MystyLuna]

I am just wondering how often women send messages to married men?
Numerous women have added my husband on social media and I personally find it a bit strange how many messages they send.
These are women he isn't friends with.
He will met them by chance somewhere.
For example, he will fix a mates car and when he was there a woman (friend or relatives of said mate) will be there.
Later that woman will add my husband on social media and then start sending him loads of messages.
I have seen messages first thing in the morning which say "morning how are you?"
So nothing really wrong with the actual message but I just find it bizarre.
If I happened to meet someone by chance for a couple of minutes, I wouldn't instantly add them on social media and then message them every day, especially if they were married.
To me it just seems like a bizarre thing to do to start sending a married man daily messages.
If it was just one woman I probably wouldn't mention it, but it has been numerous women.
I know for certain that nothing has happened with any of these women and my husband can be a bit of a chatter box.
Especially when it comes to cars.
If someone asks him a car related question he can talk for hours (regardless of whether he is talking to a man or a woman).
My husband is too nice. If someone texts him, he will text back because he doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings.
I have told him that he is replying to much and it could lead to someone getting the wrong idea so why risk it.
I personally would never text a married man to ask "Hi what are you up to today" because it is none of my business and I just think it is strange.
Especially when it is someone I have met once for 5 minutes.
Maybe I am out of touch? Is this something people do?
I am currently sat in the bathroom typing this while my husband is downstairs messaging a woman he has met maybe once or twice who has just broken up with her boyfriend.
Another example. One of my neighbours has a daughter who needed a new car but didn't have any money because she was escaping an abusive relationship.
We didn't know the daughter but we friends with the mother.
At the time we had a car that we were getting rid of.
Me being an idiot, said the daughter could have the car and she could just pay for it once she got on her feet.
The daughter came to look at the car but didn't take it because the insurance was too much.
Next thing I know, she has added my husband on WhatsApp and messages him regularly.
Again husband not interested in her but always messages back to be nice.
Another example, my husband plays a playstation game with a mate that lives 3 hours away.
About 18 months ago this mate asked if a woman he knew could also play with them.
That woman then added my husband on Facebook (hadn't met her at the time) and started sending dozens of messages every day.
Is this something I should let go or am I right and it is strange?

hi op, I know you said you drifted away from your last group of friends as you don’t like the drama, and that’s ok. I’m abit like that too, but is there anyone at all you can build up a more friendly relationship with? A female colleague for example… I think you do need someone to talk to, especially as you said you have no close family relationships. It must be hard for you having nobody at all other than your dh. You need to build yourself some support (even just one person) I’m guessing the other friends were just not the right friends for you.
i agree you should speak to your dh and he needs to stop replying to these woman, his marriage to you should be his priority, and as it’s worrying you, he needs to stop the messaging. If he can’t or won’t do this, then im sorry but you deserve better!
It sounds like you can support yourself financially which is good. He shouldn’t be doing this to you op, it’s not ok!
Make sure he knows that, and then if he continues, we’ll that’s not respectful and you deserve more, move on if needed, as hard as that would be, don’t stay with someone who treats you this way!
Good luck with it!

Yes messaging married men as a friend not so bad if you actually know them and you know he has a wife and you have no intentions of flirting with him. But these women op talk about are random women which is very strange.

Even if he is ‘hot’ then women wouldn’t just turn into private investigators and stalk the shit out of him until they found his WhatsApp number and facebook account. He’s giving these women his details. I doubt he’s that hot anyway and it will be him who is encouraging these women in some way. He will most like chatting them up. Also depending on if he has his friends list set to private, he may have many more women on his Facebook that she doesn’t even know about.
Im not even sure I believe he met them at these racing meets or wherever he claims to have met them, wouldn’t surprise me if he’s on dating apps pretending he’s single as you can link your social media to your profile on certain dating apps. I’ve literally been messaged by men on dating apps where they’ve literally said “here’s my Facebook name, search me up”.

That’s very weird - he’s certainly up to something

I do message friends and family and colleagues - all of which include married men - but I do actually know them.

1. He’s not meeting them ‘when they walk past when he’s fixing a mate’s car’. He is either finding them online or at the car meets and is giving them his info.
2. He’s a sleaze.
3. He’s lying to you.
4. He is not ‘too nice’.

How would he feel if men started adding you and you started having conversations with them?

I think he gets away with this because you choose not to socialise and so don’t know what’s ‘normal’.

I have lots of male friends.
But the only times I’ve added married men is when we work together or did a uni course together etc and became close.

I wouldn’t add anyone, not even a single female, after just meeting once or twice.

This is odd behaviour from both of them.
Your DH is obviously encouraging the attention.
He does not need to accept their friend request or message them.
Or the messages don’t need to be that regular.

Why are you reading his messages and are you sure he doesn’t know them? The fact you choose not to have any friends at all is unusual, do you try and control his friendships?

This.
Women do not just add men and start messaging. Not this many women to just your DH. He isn't as innocent as he says.

Oh bore off!!! It’s obvious what her husband is doing!!!!! Why are you so bothered why op reads his messages? I’d be reading them too if messages started appearing from random women! It’s people like you who try to convince people like the op that he’s doing nothing wrong! She’s married to him ffs!
And they aren’t friendships they’re random women he doesn’t know from Adam who he’s met from somewhere while not in the presence of his wife!

I think you must have more of a gut feeling about this?
I know some dads who took on the stay at home role for shared parental leave or longer and who were really fun to hang out with in otherwise pretty boring child play sessions, with absolutely no flirting / other vibes going on.

And it really depends on context:
If someone has just added you as a friend or is about to - on linked in / anywhere else - then an opening message is a good place to start to say “hi” and humanise the tech connection. Texting through the day - of course a very different story.

Ages vary but I am not sure exactly how old.
A couple I think we're late 20s, maybe early 30s.
Others late 30s early 40s.
My husband and I are both 44

Since it is mainly women on this website I wanted to get opinions from women.
If this was something that the majority of women did then I would know I was being unreasonable to be annoyed about it.
A website which is mainly filled with women wouldn't necessarily know what married men do but they would know what they do themselves.
That's why I was asking.

@MystyLuna you may be seeing the friends requests but I’d be thinking your dh is chatting and when parting ways tells them to add him on socials. .
He is getting away with this . If he was giving out his number it would be pretty obvious to the wife. .

I don't trust your dh is innocent.

Downstairs chatting to some random single women!!! .Id have his bags packed

I see some messages if I happen to be next to him when they text.
Or if I pick his phone up for another reason and he has left the message app open.
I don't make a habit of going through all of his messages and reading them, however I could if I wanted to
From the messages I have seen, it isn't really the topic of conversation that bothers me (although some I have found a little weird). It is more about how many there are.
I wouldn't send dozens of messages to anyone in one day left alone someone who was married.
But I am not a social person so wanted to see if other people do this sort of thing

Yeah it's definitely not right and he needs to stop it

@MystyLuna I never meet random people and add them on social media/message them unless it’s people in looking to date. The only married men I message currently are my friends who are married, I am friends with their wives and message the odd thing or planning for group events.

your husband needs to stop adding them and messaging them. It’s really inappropriate. They aren’t friends. Plus it makes you uncomfortable. Why are they messaging him if he’s giving vibes of happily married?

even if they decided to message. He could ignore or block. The fact it happens a lot suggests to me that he gives mixed messages.

Oh please OP. Don't kid yourself this is out of the blue. There is something your husband is doing to attract these invites, maybe even asking the women to send him an invite.
It's not normal and your husband is only enjoying the attention because he's a dick.

But most women do know what married men can be like when they pretend they’re separated on dating apps etc. i guarantee most single women on here have been approached by men on social media with the ‘good morning sexy type messages.

Married men are far more likely to be the instigators than the single women unless there has been encouragement and prior flirtation.

As far as I know, no women are adding my husband on social media like this. I imagine I would find it really annoying, he is probably being friendly and some pple take it the wrong way!
i guess he’s attractive too 😆

He has worked in the past.
When I child was younger he worked full time and I stayed home.
We then both worked part time but it didn't work out.
One of us always needs to be on call for our child.
It was impossible with us both working.
I can earn more money than him so it makes sense for me to work full time.
If he went back to work then I would have to give up work which doesn't make financial sense.

From reading this update op I’d say you are being extremely naive. I’m not having a dig at you but when you see these messages he’s obviously feeding you some bullshit that you believe and so he’s getting away with it. You don’t just have random women find your WhatsApp number and facebook details just from a brief meet at a car racing event. He will be giving these women his number and his Facebook. And these are the only ones you know about because you happen to have seen the messages. There will be many, many more who you don’t know about trust me. I have been a victim of this sort of behaviour and these type of men often ‘collect’ many, many women on various forms of social media.

The very fact you need to come on here and ask other women if this behaviour is normal says it all. No it is absolutely not normal op. He’s taking you for a mug and so far you’ve been buying it for at least 5 years.

He’s bored and feels isolated maybe because your world is so small and he’s getting attention by chatting to random women online.

I would bet most of these women aren’t ‘Dave’s sisters mate who happened to pass by when he’s fixing the car’ - has it occurred to you he’s looking for online flirtation possibly using dating apps? I would guarantee there’s way more to this than he’s letting on.

Regardless of how he ‘meets’ them it’s 💯 a DH issue here

This is exactly how it starts out. My husband will chat to anyone, male or female and can talk for ages.
I have told him in the past that he needs to be careful that he doesn't give off the wrong impression but he seems to think it doesn't matter because he wouldn't ever cheat on me. It is just messages.
It caused an issue with 2 women that appeared to take it the wrong way and their messages became more inappropriate (in my opinion).
Those two women have since been blocked.

Again you are defending him. He is playing the good ‘too nice’ guy in front of you because you have seen his messages and he’s manipulating you. Open your eyes! No man has women just throwing himself at them on social media, how do you think they got his WhatsApp number!

People have been asking questions and I have been answering them

@MystyLuna did your dh or you and your dh get talking to any females at the last car event? If so have they added him on Facebook?
Next weekend I’d be asking myself the same question .
If the answer is no then it really does seem like your dh seeks this out.

From your update about doing your own thing for years. Has he been craving company female attention . I honestly believe he has got into habit of this .

He seems happy to have his wife to spend time with . Now it’s time to ditch this nonsense for good or he puts your marriage at risk