How often do you message married men?

[MystyLuna]

I am just wondering how often women send messages to married men?
Numerous women have added my husband on social media and I personally find it a bit strange how many messages they send.
These are women he isn't friends with.
He will met them by chance somewhere.
For example, he will fix a mates car and when he was there a woman (friend or relatives of said mate) will be there.
Later that woman will add my husband on social media and then start sending him loads of messages.
I have seen messages first thing in the morning which say "morning how are you?"
So nothing really wrong with the actual message but I just find it bizarre.
If I happened to meet someone by chance for a couple of minutes, I wouldn't instantly add them on social media and then message them every day, especially if they were married.
To me it just seems like a bizarre thing to do to start sending a married man daily messages.
If it was just one woman I probably wouldn't mention it, but it has been numerous women.
I know for certain that nothing has happened with any of these women and my husband can be a bit of a chatter box.
Especially when it comes to cars.
If someone asks him a car related question he can talk for hours (regardless of whether he is talking to a man or a woman).
My husband is too nice. If someone texts him, he will text back because he doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings.
I have told him that he is replying to much and it could lead to someone getting the wrong idea so why risk it.
I personally would never text a married man to ask "Hi what are you up to today" because it is none of my business and I just think it is strange.
Especially when it is someone I have met once for 5 minutes.
Maybe I am out of touch? Is this something people do?
I am currently sat in the bathroom typing this while my husband is downstairs messaging a woman he has met maybe once or twice who has just broken up with her boyfriend.
Another example. One of my neighbours has a daughter who needed a new car but didn't have any money because she was escaping an abusive relationship.
We didn't know the daughter but we friends with the mother.
At the time we had a car that we were getting rid of.
Me being an idiot, said the daughter could have the car and she could just pay for it once she got on her feet.
The daughter came to look at the car but didn't take it because the insurance was too much.
Next thing I know, she has added my husband on WhatsApp and messages him regularly.
Again husband not interested in her but always messages back to be nice.
Another example, my husband plays a playstation game with a mate that lives 3 hours away.
About 18 months ago this mate asked if a woman he knew could also play with them.
That woman then added my husband on Facebook (hadn't met her at the time) and started sending dozens of messages every day.
Is this something I should let go or am I right and it is strange?

I didn't blame the women.
I asked it if was a normal thing for women to do.
I wanted to make sure I wasn't being unreasonably paranoid and whether I should just let it go or not

I can only imagine he's leading them on, or they're not 'the sister of the mechanics mates cousin', they're accounts he follows or chats to for sexual reasons.
They may not even be women? He might think they are. So either he's a mug or he's trying to chirpse women regularly who are all very up for reciprocating it?

Not a glowing recommendation for boyfriend of the year really is it?

The only man in a relationship I message semi-regulay, is a friend I've had since I was 16. Never "Good morning". He'd be like "Is everything okay? Why have you contacted me?". I message to arrange when we're next going out dog walking.

On a handful of occasions, I've messaged my DPs friends, if it's been for a particular reason. For example, organising a surprise birthday even DP, or thanking them for doing an errand for us when I was pregnant during lockdown. Brief messages.

I once contacted one of my dad's old school friends on his behalf, because he was scared of using the computer 🙄

I've messaged my BF's husband a handful of times over the years, to ask what she'd like for her birthday or similar.

I have literally never messaged a man in a relationship to say "Good morning" or start a random chat. I'm mid 30s, for context.

The only married man I speak to socially on a daily basis apart from my own husband is my gay best friend. Any others are either work related or friends husbands where it’s a non issue as we are all friends and they’re asking about birthdays/kids football times/sleepover pickups.

The only married men I text are ones I work with. I have an ex colleague who I talk with regularly, he’s married but our conversations are completely platonic and both our partners know each other!

I personally don't have any family or friends. it is just me and my husband and this is by my choice.

Sorry OP but this is really odd. You choose not to have ANY friends?! The stay at home dad’s I know have to socialise with stay at home mums, there isn’t enough stay at home dad’s to make a social life with.

Never mind the women.

People are telling you it's NOT a normal thing for married men to do!

Why are you more bothered about the women than the man you married?

I personally don't have any family or friends. it is just me and my husband and this is by my choice.

That’s a very strange situation imo and coupled with the fact he’s a SAHP I’d say maybe he's feeling suffocated and looking for female attention.

Never.

Hope that helps.

Exactly!

So you can see it's unusual. But I see from your update you have come to that conclusion yourself.

If your husband is just "being polite" to these other women, I would point out to him, that he isn't being very polite to you. And obviously, you are his wife, so you are the one who matters. I'm sure if he's decent, he will understand. Even if he just said to them "I'm not on FB much, I only have longstanding friends on there". It doesn't have to be a confrontation.

There are many reasons for it.
If I explained it would turn into a really long post.
I am happy without friends (and have been for 15 years ish).
Hardly any of the parents at my son's school socialise with each other.
All of the children are disabled so parents don't really have time for socialising.
Also because there are only 4 special schools in the county I live in all the kids live miles apart from each other and all travel in on buses.
The parents don't see each other.

I have already said, I wanted to make sure it wasn't normal before sounding like a paranoid controlling wife.
I am going to speak to my husband about it tomorrow and get it sorted

I am not sure why he would feel suffocated.
We have done everything separately for the last thirteen years due to one of us always having to stay at home with our child.
We both went out and did things we enjoy but separately.
We have only had respite care since November (twice a month).
So we have only started doing things together since November.

Not having any friends is a bit odd though, isn't it.

I message a married man about once a week, and he does me. We support the same team, I (and dp) met him down here but he's moved back to our home town. Dp is fully aware and can see any messages. If he wants to, but he doesn't. Which are entirely football related. Well be chatting tomorrow post f a cup game.

Dp and I have currently been laughing at the fact that he uses the purple heart emoji (next to a blue one, the closest analogy to our club's colours) and we think he doesn't know what it means, i didn't until i watched Adolescence , but I'm not telling him..

It can be totally non sexual.

Random are out of order though

When I had friends I wasn't very happy.
So much unnecessary issues and drama.
I drifted apart from all of my friends after my last relationship ended.
I then met my now husband and we had a great time together.
I didn't feel the need at that stage to make new friends.
I then gave birth to a disabled child which then took up the majority of our time for years.
So again I wasn't interested in making new friends.
I was also a lot happier without them.
We are now at the stage where my husband and I can have a great relationship together now we have respite care.
The only issue we have is I don't like how many messages go back and forth between him and women that he isn't long term friends with.
They just met once somewhere.

He's seeking company from other women then.

OK, the just met somewhere once thing is strange, I wouldn't be happy with that. As said, DP knows the friends I have who are married men and has met them to socialise with so it's different.

Have you asked him why he does it? If they're not really friends, as meeting once or twice doesn't make you a friend? Or how he'd feel if you did that?

I can see why you're not happy, I wouldn't be either given what you've said.

Unless your husband is a George Clooney level looker, he has definitely been flirting with them.

I think some times it starts due to something car related.
My husband will offer some advice on the other person's car.
Once you get my husband started on cars he will talk for hours, regardless of whether the other person is male or female.
But females (not in general just the ones I am referring to in this thread) tend to quickly lose interest in talking about cars and steer the conversation onto other topics.
He knows I would never do the same thing because I am not a people person and have no interest in talking to other people.
I have interacted with more people on here this evening than I have in real life in years.
I only tend to talk to work people during work hours.

It’s weird. The only “married men” I message are male friends of mine and even then rarely random chit chat

I think your question should read “how often do married men message single women?” Or more accurately: “why does my husband keep messaging other women?”

The only married men I message are colleagues and it's about work matters. I can't imagine messaging some man who is married and whom I met briefly. I'm not aware of other women doing do either. Years ago my husband got a "love letter" from some woman who plainly didn't realise he was married. He was hideouly embarrassed, showed me the letter and told her he was married and not interested. He had only met her briefly. That was once in over 30 years.

I mesage my friends some who haopen to be married men, but not random married men. This is very odd. Is your DH extremely good looking or something? I'd be suspicious of DH and how this is even happening

How old are these women? Mumsnet demographic is probably 30+ and unlikely to do that sort of thing, but I can imagine women in their 20s are different and maybe more inclined to just add everyone they meet? And/or he's incredibly hot.

Do you see the conversations? Are they messaging him while he's next to you?

You need to see the whole thing to know what it's like.