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Original poster

How often do you message married men?

227 replies

MystyLuna · 29/03/2025 21:04

I am just wondering how often women send messages to married men?
Numerous women have added my husband on social media and I personally find it a bit strange how many messages they send.
These are women he isn't friends with.
He will met them by chance somewhere.
For example, he will fix a mates car and when he was there a woman (friend or relatives of said mate) will be there.
Later that woman will add my husband on social media and then start sending him loads of messages.
I have seen messages first thing in the morning which say "morning how are you?"
So nothing really wrong with the actual message but I just find it bizarre.
If I happened to meet someone by chance for a couple of minutes, I wouldn't instantly add them on social media and then message them every day, especially if they were married.
To me it just seems like a bizarre thing to do to start sending a married man daily messages.
If it was just one woman I probably wouldn't mention it, but it has been numerous women.
I know for certain that nothing has happened with any of these women and my husband can be a bit of a chatter box.
Especially when it comes to cars.
If someone asks him a car related question he can talk for hours (regardless of whether he is talking to a man or a woman).
My husband is too nice. If someone texts him, he will text back because he doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings.
I have told him that he is replying to much and it could lead to someone getting the wrong idea so why risk it.
I personally would never text a married man to ask "Hi what are you up to today" because it is none of my business and I just think it is strange.
Especially when it is someone I have met once for 5 minutes.
Maybe I am out of touch? Is this something people do?
I am currently sat in the bathroom typing this while my husband is downstairs messaging a woman he has met maybe once or twice who has just broken up with her boyfriend.
Another example. One of my neighbours has a daughter who needed a new car but didn't have any money because she was escaping an abusive relationship.
We didn't know the daughter but we friends with the mother.
At the time we had a car that we were getting rid of.
Me being an idiot, said the daughter could have the car and she could just pay for it once she got on her feet.
The daughter came to look at the car but didn't take it because the insurance was too much.
Next thing I know, she has added my husband on WhatsApp and messages him regularly.
Again husband not interested in her but always messages back to be nice.
Another example, my husband plays a playstation game with a mate that lives 3 hours away.
About 18 months ago this mate asked if a woman he knew could also play with them.
That woman then added my husband on Facebook (hadn't met her at the time) and started sending dozens of messages every day.
Is this something I should let go or am I right and it is strange?

OP posts:
REDB99 · 30/03/2025 05:16

So he doesn’t work and gets several ‘random’ friend requests which he accepts and then engages in conversations with as he doesn’t want to ‘offend’ anyone. You really need to see him for what he is. He is bored and very likely initiates the requests ‘look me up on FB’ and enjoys the attention. He also games for hours but is a ‘full time carer’ yet you’ve said has lots of free time during the day. You’ve got a cocklodger. Time for the scales to fall from your eyes OP.

CleanShirt · 30/03/2025 05:35

REDB99 · 30/03/2025 05:16

So he doesn’t work and gets several ‘random’ friend requests which he accepts and then engages in conversations with as he doesn’t want to ‘offend’ anyone. You really need to see him for what he is. He is bored and very likely initiates the requests ‘look me up on FB’ and enjoys the attention. He also games for hours but is a ‘full time carer’ yet you’ve said has lots of free time during the day. You’ve got a cocklodger. Time for the scales to fall from your eyes OP.

This. It's clear as day what he's doing and trying to blame it on the woman.

CalleOcho · 30/03/2025 05:40

I’ve never messaged a random married man who I don’t know.

The only times would be - my boss, about work stuff. My friends husbands for things like birthday present ideas, if I owe them money for group things, but I’ve known them all years.

The women messaging your husband after brief encounters sound weird and your husband is stupid to even entertain it.

KickHimInTheCrotch · 30/03/2025 05:43

The only married men I would ever message are friends and colleagues I have known for years or parents of my DC to arrange playdates/drop offs/parties etc.

Your DH is encouraging this I am sure.

BlondiePortz · 30/03/2025 05:44

CleanShirt · 30/03/2025 05:35

This. It's clear as day what he's doing and trying to blame it on the woman.

Show quote history

Blame what on the women? They are choosing to message him

blowingbubbles1 · 30/03/2025 05:50

No offence but I don’t know many woman who would be throwing themselves at a jobless married man. Sounds to me like you have a bored house husband who keeps giving out his social media account…

WiddlinDiddlin · 30/03/2025 06:01

I don't send 'good morning how are you' texts to any of my friends, male or female.

I spend a lot of time messaging (on the computer rather than my phone though) and have for decades, because my friends are all around the world and I work from home at my computer.

Sorry to say, when I did send messages like that to men/recieve them from men, I was having some sort of cyber/emotional relationship with them, which I would certainly view as cheating if I were to do this now (that I have a partner) or if my partner were to do it to me...

To my knowledge none of the men I was chatting with were married/in a relationship but then I also didn't really ask and they didn't offer that information so I suspect (now) some of them probably were. From my POV, I never asked as I wasn't interested in any sort of real life relationship with them, and as I wasn't willing to share personal details about my own relationships I didn't see that I had any right to ask about theirs.

Flutterbees · 30/03/2025 06:07

I can’t think of a time I’ve messaged a married man, except for one of my brothers in law, and that’s rare.

Eviebeans · 30/03/2025 06:10

REDB99 · 30/03/2025 05:16

So he doesn’t work and gets several ‘random’ friend requests which he accepts and then engages in conversations with as he doesn’t want to ‘offend’ anyone. You really need to see him for what he is. He is bored and very likely initiates the requests ‘look me up on FB’ and enjoys the attention. He also games for hours but is a ‘full time carer’ yet you’ve said has lots of free time during the day. You’ve got a cocklodger. Time for the scales to fall from your eyes OP.

Sadly I agree with this- he has too much time on his hands and too many hobbies- he needs to look for work that fits with his caring duties

Jasmine222 · 30/03/2025 06:18

Your husband is probably an extrovert who is finding it hard to be a stay at home parent with little social interaction, so when he gets the chance to be friendly and chatty, he goes all out, and some women can probably miss-interpret that as sexual interest if he's also attractive. As long as your husband isn't reciprocating beyond replying in a friendly way, I don't think it's a big deal. I have masses of friends and have made many new friends (male and female) over the years, and my husband only has about 2 friends himself. But if he started having an issue with my friends and my friendly conversations, it would be a huge problem for me. I'd let it go.

SatsumaDog · 30/03/2025 06:19

YANBU. It’s not appropriate to message a married man in that way. It’s ok in a professional capacity, but not to enquire how they are or general small talk, especially not on a regular basis. There’s a line you don’t cross.

Mumofnarnia · 30/03/2025 06:20

MystyLuna · 30/03/2025 00:22

I have seen notifications saying that they have added him.
The car racing / meets he has been going to them by himself for 10 years due to one of us always having to stay at home with our disabled child.
We have recently been provided with respite care for our child.
So I went to the last car racing event in January. My husband asked me to go because he was excited to show me what it is all about.
I will also be going to the next one next weekend and all ones after that (if we can get childcare).
Again my husband wants me to go

Show quote history

But how do they find your husband on facebook? How do they know his name and his location to be able to search for him?
Is it because he has given them this information perhaps?
Does he go wandering off on his own at these meets/ racing events?
Also are these women the type of ‘grid girls’ or ‘glamour models’ or promotional models handing out flyers you see frequenting these type of meets by any chance?

TwinklyRoseTurtle · 30/03/2025 06:24

I think you have a husband problem, wouldn’t be happening if he wasn’t entertaining it either by just being nice or not, I mean why does he accept the requests and how do these women find him on social media

HygerTyger · 30/03/2025 06:41

There is one common factor here, and it's not the 6 or 7 random women. He's doing something to encourage this behaviour.

He needs to get a job, even part time. He clearly has far too much time on his hands.

user1492757084 · 30/03/2025 06:43

I think your husband if coming across as a flailing unattached father who is looking for friends. He is being over friendly and giving out inappropriate vibes. He probably doesn't mean to.

Why does he not just ignore the friend request like most people do. It is usual to only accept a request if they are family or if you have met them personally and want them to be a long term contact.

Your husband is not being sensible in answering silly messages like - How are you this morning? - That message should signal an immediate unfriending..

TheBuffetInspector · 30/03/2025 06:49

He does all the housework, all the cooking, is a SAHD to care for your disabled child.
He's genuinely nice and friendly, attractive...

What did you say his name was @MystyLuna 🤣

It is rather odd but some women are always going to be on the lookout. Messaging good morning... I would have only done that if it was school related and even then it was always a Mum... Good morning, is the trip today or tomorrow? Today... Thought so...

Aaaargh!!!!! 🤣🤣

Nina1013 · 30/03/2025 06:50

TwistedWonder · 29/03/2025 21:21

Sorry but I don’t believe that random women are constantly messaging your DH out of the blue with absolutely no encouragement what so ever. There’s more to this than he’s telling you imo.

Women just don’t do this. Well the odd one might but the common denominator here is your DH. Hrs either enjoying the attention, flirting with them or letting them think he’s available

Edited

This x 1000.

Don’t be so silly and naive OP.

Chuchoter · 30/03/2025 07:00

He gives these women a sob story.

He tells them that he's at home looking after child but in such a way that makes him look like a martyr and implies you're the 'bad guy' in the relationship so that these women feel sorry for him.

Where would they get his full name from to look him up on social media in order to send a friend request unless he told them?

He's no innocent, I think he resents being the stay at home parent and this is his way of scoring points against you.

MrsMontyD · 30/03/2025 07:08

The only married men I message are mutual friends of mine and DH, or someone I want to come and do work at my house. I wouldn’t message a random married man.

ThymeScent · 30/03/2025 07:15

I had one like this - he was actually genuinely too nice but was bloody irritating.

TheRoundTable1983 · 30/03/2025 07:25

Are you ever there when he first encounters these random people? He may well be encouraging the contact and failing to mention that he’s married…

MyDeftDuck · 30/03/2025 07:28

We are both on FB, basically to share, and see, family stuff. However, OH will frequently say he's had a friend request from a random person who turns out to be the woman who grooms his DIL's sisters fiance's aunties second cousins cat........or some such random person who lives at the other end of the country.
I think some people are just so invested on having hundreds of FB friends on their account - rather sad and pathetic really.

Solveago · 30/03/2025 07:29

This must be taking up a lot of his time, time and headspace he could give to you and DC. Does he not have house tasks to do when DC is at school? Is he bored and in need of some fun? He clearly wants this attention or he wouldn't be accepting their requests which presumably he's encouraging.

babyproblems · 30/03/2025 07:30

It’s strange. Also your husband has no boundaries!!!

mumofboys8787 · 30/03/2025 07:31

You know what’s a real pet peeve of mine? People who start threads looking for advice and then completely ignore every piece of advice.

You’re incredible defensive about your husband here so I’m not actually sure what you want from this thread. For us to tell you that all the women are solely to blame and he’s doing absolutely nothing to encourage them by messaging them back?? Everyone’s telling you that you’re naive in assuming your husband would never do anything wrong. Just because you can see him all day (yeah right - you must be working really hard) but it doesn’t mean he’s completely innocent. You’re ignoring everyone’s comments saying it’s suspicious on your husbands part so there’s nothing else that can be said.