How often do you message married men?

[MystyLuna]

I am just wondering how often women send messages to married men?
Numerous women have added my husband on social media and I personally find it a bit strange how many messages they send.
These are women he isn't friends with.
He will met them by chance somewhere.
For example, he will fix a mates car and when he was there a woman (friend or relatives of said mate) will be there.
Later that woman will add my husband on social media and then start sending him loads of messages.
I have seen messages first thing in the morning which say "morning how are you?"
So nothing really wrong with the actual message but I just find it bizarre.
If I happened to meet someone by chance for a couple of minutes, I wouldn't instantly add them on social media and then message them every day, especially if they were married.
To me it just seems like a bizarre thing to do to start sending a married man daily messages.
If it was just one woman I probably wouldn't mention it, but it has been numerous women.
I know for certain that nothing has happened with any of these women and my husband can be a bit of a chatter box.
Especially when it comes to cars.
If someone asks him a car related question he can talk for hours (regardless of whether he is talking to a man or a woman).
My husband is too nice. If someone texts him, he will text back because he doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings.
I have told him that he is replying to much and it could lead to someone getting the wrong idea so why risk it.
I personally would never text a married man to ask "Hi what are you up to today" because it is none of my business and I just think it is strange.
Especially when it is someone I have met once for 5 minutes.
Maybe I am out of touch? Is this something people do?
I am currently sat in the bathroom typing this while my husband is downstairs messaging a woman he has met maybe once or twice who has just broken up with her boyfriend.
Another example. One of my neighbours has a daughter who needed a new car but didn't have any money because she was escaping an abusive relationship.
We didn't know the daughter but we friends with the mother.
At the time we had a car that we were getting rid of.
Me being an idiot, said the daughter could have the car and she could just pay for it once she got on her feet.
The daughter came to look at the car but didn't take it because the insurance was too much.
Next thing I know, she has added my husband on WhatsApp and messages him regularly.
Again husband not interested in her but always messages back to be nice.
Another example, my husband plays a playstation game with a mate that lives 3 hours away.
About 18 months ago this mate asked if a woman he knew could also play with them.
That woman then added my husband on Facebook (hadn't met her at the time) and started sending dozens of messages every day.
Is this something I should let go or am I right and it is strange?

Very rarely. I have a friend in another country and occasionally message him if I'm planning a a trip there for tips. His new wife knows about me and I'd love to meet her.

I call bullshit, he is the one encouraging the messaging. Bored all day he has nothing better to do so is doing this. I bet you he starts these conversations and you are only seeing what he wants you to see. Then makes out it is all them.
He may not of done anything physically but he is definitely taking the piss. Sorry but it seems obvious to me

Or he’s lying about who’s adding who?

You’re right, this is weird. A one off I could understand but he must be encouraging them to share details if it happens quite frequently? If they were ‘mum friends’ via your child’s school I guess it might be ok - but doesn’t seem like it?

So your husband comes across random women during every day life and every single one of them then go and search him up on social media and add him and send him loads of messages? Nah I doubt it op. I would say it’s HIM who adds them! Rarely I would say that it’s women who do this to married men. I have however witnessed many married men adding random women (including myself) on various social media platforms and messages them. He claims he’s not interested in them but messages them anyway? Do you always believe such bullshit he feeds you? Wake up and smell the coffee op.

I would also say it’s extremely common and almost textbook for these type of men to claim that women just throw themselves at these men when in reality they are the ones being the womaniser.!

Are these women single? I wouldn't message a man (married or not) unless he was already a friend. If I'd just met someone I also wouldn't add them on my socials unless I wanted to ask them something specific that they might know (in this case something about cars). The morning messages are very strange

That many women messaging your husband after one encounter? Yeah, he's not innocent and being "too nice" to ignore them isn't a thing. At the very least, he's using them for his ego and/or to make you insecure.

But, equally, why shouldn't women be friends (message) married men? Most of the men I know have partners, does that mean I can't be friends with them?

Do you witness all this happening yourself. Are you there at these car racing events and are you there when they all add him? If not he’s talking bullshit op. It’s him who’s adding them I’m afraid.

Surely, if a woman messages something like “How’s your morning going?” he could reply with “woke up next to the love of my life, so it doesn’t get better than that!” Or similar, thus politely replying but also being very clear that he’s not up for cheating and shutting down the conversation.

That’s what a good husband would do, because surely that’s what he thinks, right?

The only married men I message are my husbands friends + my friends husbands - and always with intention (eg to organise a birthday dinner or check in if I can be helpful after a health scare etc)

tbh I wouldn’t even message a new female friend with a pointless message like that. It’s odd + smacks of a combo of zero conversational skills and desperation…

these women are strange. It’s even stranger that your husband is entertaining it - tell him to grow a spine / adult ego and ignore them. He’s not ‘being nice’ he’s courting further communication.

I occasionally message my best friend’s DH — normally to ask him to print something for me (my printer is broken)! Does that count? (I don’t message my BF as I know she can’t work the printer…)

Your DH is the common denominator here…sounds like he is actively encouraging these women to contact him, and says “please add me on FB/LI/Insta, here are my details”, then he can say it’s them not him.

It sounds harmless, I suspect he’s probably doing it because he is bored during the day and likes the attention and ego boost from lots of women, however I wouldn’t be comfortable with it either OP.

Oh gosh that would wind me right up sorry to say! And your gut instincts are right, as a single lady myself I would never ever do that in the context of what you explain. The issue for me is that even if your husband is an innocent in all these exchanges, some women can be highly manipulative and desperate enough to engineer negativity. If it were me, I would just let him know how whilst you don’t suspect him of anything, it makes you anxious and on edge especially as there are a lot of crazies out there and you’d rather he didn’t indulge in this behaviour.

Several times a day but he’s married to me :)

I wouldn't say that if it was reversed it would be plain weird

So a succession of women meet him casually through friends then after a brief chat and without any encouragement from him what so ever, look him up on FB, send a friend request, see his phone number and then randomly message him?

Oh come on, you can’t be that naive surely

The only married men I message are my brother, or my cousins (rarely, as I'd be more likely to message their partners).
I wouldn't be very happy if DH suddenly had new women sending him messages. I'd start wondering what was going on.

I don't think these good morning messages are coming out of nowhere - for a conversation to happen, it has to be reciprocal. All he has to do is not reply. I agree with PP, it's disrespectful towards your marriage.

This is a dh problem

My husband is too nice. If someone texts him, he will text back because he doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

Except yours?

It can be nothing, very much depends on the person. I have a strong group of female friends but I'm the proverbial tomboy and I have male friends with whom I talk nerdy non girly stuff. Society acepts this more in my age demographic (60s) than it does in younger people.

@MystyLuna "These are women he isn't friends with.
He will met them by chance somewhere.
For example, he will fix a mates car and when he was there a woman (friend or relatives of said mate) will be there.
Later that woman will add my husband on social media and then start sending him loads of messages.
I have seen messages first thing in the morning which say "morning how are you?"

This can only be happening because your husband is giving out his details to women and encouraging them to add him / contact him.

It's extremely unlikely that the woman in the above scenario was not encouraged by your husband. He also had to agree to add anyone to his social media.

Goodness all these crazy women completely misreading your husband's perfectly fine, non-flirtatious, non-encouraging friendly behaviour. How unlucky.

Neither of us would dream of adding someone on social media if they sent a request after meeting us once.

It's not dozens of women who have the problem here.

@SoScarletItWas I suspect this - I reckon the guy gives off ‘I’m interested and up for it’ vibes

What's the common denominator here?