Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How often do you message married men?

227 replies

MystyLuna · 29/03/2025 21:04

I am just wondering how often women send messages to married men?
Numerous women have added my husband on social media and I personally find it a bit strange how many messages they send.
These are women he isn't friends with.
He will met them by chance somewhere.
For example, he will fix a mates car and when he was there a woman (friend or relatives of said mate) will be there.
Later that woman will add my husband on social media and then start sending him loads of messages.
I have seen messages first thing in the morning which say "morning how are you?"
So nothing really wrong with the actual message but I just find it bizarre.
If I happened to meet someone by chance for a couple of minutes, I wouldn't instantly add them on social media and then message them every day, especially if they were married.
To me it just seems like a bizarre thing to do to start sending a married man daily messages.
If it was just one woman I probably wouldn't mention it, but it has been numerous women.
I know for certain that nothing has happened with any of these women and my husband can be a bit of a chatter box.
Especially when it comes to cars.
If someone asks him a car related question he can talk for hours (regardless of whether he is talking to a man or a woman).
My husband is too nice. If someone texts him, he will text back because he doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings.
I have told him that he is replying to much and it could lead to someone getting the wrong idea so why risk it.
I personally would never text a married man to ask "Hi what are you up to today" because it is none of my business and I just think it is strange.
Especially when it is someone I have met once for 5 minutes.
Maybe I am out of touch? Is this something people do?
I am currently sat in the bathroom typing this while my husband is downstairs messaging a woman he has met maybe once or twice who has just broken up with her boyfriend.
Another example. One of my neighbours has a daughter who needed a new car but didn't have any money because she was escaping an abusive relationship.
We didn't know the daughter but we friends with the mother.
At the time we had a car that we were getting rid of.
Me being an idiot, said the daughter could have the car and she could just pay for it once she got on her feet.
The daughter came to look at the car but didn't take it because the insurance was too much.
Next thing I know, she has added my husband on WhatsApp and messages him regularly.
Again husband not interested in her but always messages back to be nice.
Another example, my husband plays a playstation game with a mate that lives 3 hours away.
About 18 months ago this mate asked if a woman he knew could also play with them.
That woman then added my husband on Facebook (hadn't met her at the time) and started sending dozens of messages every day.
Is this something I should let go or am I right and it is strange?

OP posts:
Balloonhearts · 29/03/2025 23:52

A married man I'm friends with? As much as I like. Some days 10 - 15 times.

One I'm not friends with? Never unless I need to ask them something specific.

Shoezembagsforever · 30/03/2025 00:00

This is completely batshit. Is your husband a complete Adonis that women just can’t resist??

OchreRaven · 30/03/2025 00:03

Is your husband some Greek god? I literally can’t imagine the average guy getting constant DMs and social media friend requests without significant input from them.

it’s weird and I would NEVER message a married man to start a conversation unless it was work related. Even a friend’s husband that I knew well.

Original poster
MystyLuna · 30/03/2025 00:04

Clearingaspace · 29/03/2025 22:27

You’re right, this is weird. A one off I could understand but he must be encouraging them to share details if it happens quite frequently? If they were ‘mum friends’ via your child’s school I guess it might be ok - but doesn’t seem like it?

Show quote history

No these aren't mum friends from school

OP posts:
Original poster
MystyLuna · 30/03/2025 00:05

Mumofnarnia · 29/03/2025 22:28

So your husband comes across random women during every day life and every single one of them then go and search him up on social media and add him and send him loads of messages? Nah I doubt it op. I would say it’s HIM who adds them! Rarely I would say that it’s women who do this to married men. I have however witnessed many married men adding random women (including myself) on various social media platforms and messages them. He claims he’s not interested in them but messages them anyway? Do you always believe such bullshit he feeds you? Wake up and smell the coffee op.

I would also say it’s extremely common and almost textbook for these type of men to claim that women just throw themselves at these men when in reality they are the ones being the womaniser.!

Edited

It isn't every single random woman he meets.
It has been about 6 or 7 in the last 5 years.
So enough to become noticeable and annoying.

OP posts:
Original poster
MystyLuna · 30/03/2025 00:08

Hayley1256 · 29/03/2025 22:31

Are these women single? I wouldn't message a man (married or not) unless he was already a friend. If I'd just met someone I also wouldn't add them on my socials unless I wanted to ask them something specific that they might know (in this case something about cars). The morning messages are very strange

Some are single. Some were in relationships when they first added him on Facebook. They were the partners of one of his mates.
But the messages only started once they became single. Or in the case of one woman, her "boyfriend" only really wants her for sex so she kind of latched into my husband because she couldn't talk to her "boyfriend".

OP posts:
ohnowwhatcanitbe · 30/03/2025 00:12

Like that? Never.

Original poster
MystyLuna · 30/03/2025 00:12

IShotTheDeputyItWasMe · 29/03/2025 22:32

That many women messaging your husband after one encounter? Yeah, he's not innocent and being "too nice" to ignore them isn't a thing. At the very least, he's using them for his ego and/or to make you insecure.

But, equally, why shouldn't women be friends (message) married men? Most of the men I know have partners, does that mean I can't be friends with them?

"That many"??
I didn't actual say how many until just a few minutes ago.
It is about 6 or 7 women in the last five years.
No issue with men and women being friends.
My husband has female friends he has been friends with for years.
It is just, for example, when he will fix a mates car and just happen to met another woman at that mates house.
Then later she will start sending loads of messages.

OP posts:
Clearingaspace · 30/03/2025 00:17

This feels like the opposite of the post where the op is annoyed that a coworker keeps mentioning his wife. I wonder if your dh is giving off single vibes?

TeapotTitties · 30/03/2025 00:19

If I happened to meet someone by chance for a couple of minutes, I wouldn't instantly add them on social media and then message them every day, especially if they were married.

Nor me.

Why does your married husband keep accepting these women?

No-one's forcing him, are they?

friendlycat · 30/03/2025 00:20

Very odd indeed.

Original poster
MystyLuna · 30/03/2025 00:22

Mumofnarnia · 29/03/2025 22:33

Do you witness all this happening yourself. Are you there at these car racing events and are you there when they all add him? If not he’s talking bullshit op. It’s him who’s adding them I’m afraid.

Show quote history

I have seen notifications saying that they have added him.
The car racing / meets he has been going to them by himself for 10 years due to one of us always having to stay at home with our disabled child.
We have recently been provided with respite care for our child.
So I went to the last car racing event in January. My husband asked me to go because he was excited to show me what it is all about.
I will also be going to the next one next weekend and all ones after that (if we can get childcare).
Again my husband wants me to go

OP posts:
QS90 · 30/03/2025 00:24

Is your husband smoking hot?? My partner is a handsome man, but women do not flock to add him on social media!

Or does he have a fantastical life, worthy of his own tv show?? Because no-one gives a fuck about what my partner does in the morning, except maybe our 4yo. And they're right to not give a fuck, because surely most people are just eating toast then catching a bus somewhere? The only reason to ask these sorts of questions, is to "get to know" someone. For sex. Which again makes me wonder, whether your DH is a bit of a hottie!!

TeapotTitties · 30/03/2025 00:25

MystyLuna · 30/03/2025 00:22

I have seen notifications saying that they have added him.
The car racing / meets he has been going to them by himself for 10 years due to one of us always having to stay at home with our disabled child.
We have recently been provided with respite care for our child.
So I went to the last car racing event in January. My husband asked me to go because he was excited to show me what it is all about.
I will also be going to the next one next weekend and all ones after that (if we can get childcare).
Again my husband wants me to go

Show quote history

I have seen notifications saying that they have added him.

Did you see any saying he's legally forced to accept?

Original poster
MystyLuna · 30/03/2025 00:26

MrsEverest · 29/03/2025 23:45

Goodness all these crazy women completely misreading your husband's perfectly fine, non-flirtatious, non-encouraging friendly behaviour. How unlucky.

Neither of us would dream of adding someone on social media if they sent a request after meeting us once.

It's not dozens of women who have the problem here.

I never said it was dozens.
I didn't given a number until a few minutes ago.
It is about 6 or 7 in the last 5 years.

OP posts:
Original poster
MystyLuna · 30/03/2025 00:28

Shoezembagsforever · 30/03/2025 00:00

This is completely batshit. Is your husband a complete Adonis that women just can’t resist??

It is 6 or 7 women over a 5 year period.
It isn't a daily occurrence.
It just then leads to a lot of messages

OP posts:
Original poster
MystyLuna · 30/03/2025 00:29

OchreRaven · 30/03/2025 00:03

Is your husband some Greek god? I literally can’t imagine the average guy getting constant DMs and social media friend requests without significant input from them.

it’s weird and I would NEVER message a married man to start a conversation unless it was work related. Even a friend’s husband that I knew well.

It is about 6 or 7 women over a 5 year period.
So not constantly being added but it results in a lot of messages

OP posts:
mondaytosunday · 30/03/2025 00:30

Never. I chat to a cousin’s partner every once in a while. But that’s by phone.

FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 30/03/2025 00:32

TossieFleacake · 29/03/2025 21:07

In my experience, those kind of 'Good morning' messages between two people who aren't in a relationship or hoping to be in one, are rarely innocent.

I agree "Good Morning" is straight out of the fuck-boy handbook... I guess now women are using it too.

Unless there was a direct purpose to messaging a married man, I wouldn't do it.

I would say I have only done it a handful of times, either about planning something for their wives or asking their advice on a topic of their expertise. I personally would never just message casually.

QS90 · 30/03/2025 00:33

I think OP, that 6 or more over a 5 year period, really is a lot. I've been with my DP for 10 years, and it hasn't happened even once.

Have you yourself had it since being married? How many randos do you and up chatting with - more or less than one a year? I'm assuming it's less.

Original poster
MystyLuna · 30/03/2025 00:34

Ok thank you everyone.
I personally don't have any family or friends. it is just me and my husband and this is by my choice.
I have brought this issue up with him twice in the past which lead to an arguement but those two women were blocked.
I just wanted to make sure I wasn't being unreasonably paranoid.
I also didn't want to come across as controlling/nagging. Like, I don't have friends so you can't either.
I will talk to my husband and see if we can put a stop to it.

OP posts:
Judystilldreamsofhorses · 30/03/2025 00:35

I have a few married men I message - they are friends (two are gay, and one is a much older retired colleague) and we chat on WA. I even meet them for lunch. My DP - who I live with - has female colleagues/friends he messages who are married too. Random people? No, never.

TeapotTitties · 30/03/2025 00:36

MystyLuna · 30/03/2025 00:34

Ok thank you everyone.
I personally don't have any family or friends. it is just me and my husband and this is by my choice.
I have brought this issue up with him twice in the past which lead to an arguement but those two women were blocked.
I just wanted to make sure I wasn't being unreasonably paranoid.
I also didn't want to come across as controlling/nagging. Like, I don't have friends so you can't either.
I will talk to my husband and see if we can put a stop to it.

I will talk to my husband and see if we can put a stop to it.

'We' cannot put a stop to it.

'He' can simply ignore their requests.

You know, on the basis that he's a married man and all...

Mirren22 · 30/03/2025 00:37

@colourblockssno, how about quit blaming women for a second. The OP is clearly naive, come on, multiple women getting in touch with whom they believe to be a married man? This dude has obviously put his feelers out…. enjoying the responses, the other half gets wind, questions his behaviour, and your response is it is another women’s fault? Next time you post, remember it’s on mumsnet and not some Tate board

Original poster
MystyLuna · 30/03/2025 00:39

QS90 · 30/03/2025 00:33

I think OP, that 6 or more over a 5 year period, really is a lot. I've been with my DP for 10 years, and it hasn't happened even once.

Have you yourself had it since being married? How many randos do you and up chatting with - more or less than one a year? I'm assuming it's less.

I personally don't have any friends (by choice).
The only people I talk to are work colleagues during work hours about work stuff.
My face book has just 3 friends.
My husband and my auntie and cousin who I haven't seen in years.
I haven't sent any messages to any other men since very early on in our dating period 15 years ago.

OP posts: