Sex whilst asleep

[Isitjustmee]

Hi,

First post on here so please be gentle.

I keep waking up in the middle of the night to my partner trying to have sex with me or giving me oral.

I’ve told them I don’t like being woken up like this and find it pretty weird. it then stops for a month or so and then slowly starts to happen again.

I usually continue with it once I’m awake as I enjoy it but I do find it a bit unsettling.

I live with my DP and we are due to get married next summer but this is a bit of a yellow flag for me if I’m being honest!

Sounds weird. You need to leave. He's obviously not listening to you. You don't want a marriage like that do you ?

Christ. That is not OK. Red flag to me.

It’s not a yellow flag.
It’s a massive red flag flying at full mast.

you've told him you don’t like it and he’s still doing it…..there’s a word for that OP 😔

This is not ok OP. It is sex without your consent because you can't consent when you are asleep.

Never mind a yellow flag it is a big red one. I'm sorry to say he is raping you. You should be 100% safe in your own bed and you are not.

I think it’s a massive red flag and I would think very carefully about marrying him. The fact that you tell him and he keeps doing it is what rings alarms.

I had an ex who would do similar to me and I would freeze. Never saw him the same again and ended the relationship not long after.

This is rape.

You simply need to leave him/her.

This is rape. It’s not ‘weird’. You are being raped. I am so sorry.

This is rape @Isitjustmee

From victimsupport.org.uk:

Giving sexual consent means you agree to be involved in or take part in any kind of sexual activity. And you have the freedom and capacity to make that decision. This means you’re not forced, coerced, tricked or scared into giving consent.

Consent can never be assumed, even in a relationship or marriage. Sex without your consent is rape.

You may not be able to give your consent if you were under the influence of alcohol or drugs, didn’t understand what was happening or were asleep. If you don’t have the capacity to give your consent, it cannot be assumed.

He's choosing not to listen to what you're saying. No consent is rape. Massive red flag! I'd get out asap

That's a big no no
No consent equals rape.

I remember a friend saying she had to wrap the quilt around herself or her boyfriend would start trying to have sex with her in the middle of the night. I was horrified that Is sexual assault. It’s someone touching you with out your consent and you asked him not to and he still does it! I don’t think this man can be very nice

It’s not sexual assault @autisticbookworm it’s rape.

Hello OP. This is a huge, huge red flag - not a yellow one. You've told him not to do it yet he continues - the other posters are correct in their conclusion as to what this is.

And a broader picture here would be to say this is a man who's primary interest is his own ejaculation, not your comfort, and not your perfectly reasonable needs or preferences.

Please don't choose a man like this as a life partner, his selfishness will show in other ways and it will become a miserable way to live - you will be a candidate to become not just sexually unsafe, but also emotionally, mentally, physically and financially unsafe. 💐

Everyone else has already said this, but it's sexual abuse and it's a big fat red flag.

You need to end this relationship ASAP and be very mindful of your safety when you do.

What's your housing situation? Do you own or rent and is your home in joint names or one person's name only? Do you have anywhere else you could stay for a bit so you can take time to think about next steps? (Not to mention sleep in peace without being sexually assaulted)

Just echoing what others are saying, you can't consent at the time as you are asleep and have also told your partner repeatedly that you don't want this to happen.

This is serial assault including rape. It doesn't matter that you also might have consensual sex at other times.

I wouldn't get married in this position, and would end the relationship. There are lots of lovely people out there who won't treat you like this.

*sexual assault

Bloody hell! He'd be sleeping in the park tonight. Sod that for a game of soldiers.

sex whilst asleep is only okay if it's been discussed by both parties beforehand and you've made it very very clear you'd like that. Even then, it should be gently initiated (like a cuddle and starting to stroke your back for example) so that you can wake up and enthusiastically consent to more. You absolutely do not give oral sex or intimately touch someone when they are asleep.

The other posters are right in that it’s rape if you haven’t consented. With that in mind him having done it once is bad enough, but when you’ve actively told him you don’t like it and find it weird and for him to continue is horrific. This tells you everything you need to know about his ability to prioritise anyone but himself or to respect your boundaries. I think it’s now really important you consider whether this is someone you should marry and where this relationship has the potential to go in the future in terms of other abuse.

Watch Stacy Dooley on this - there was a case where multiple women had gone out with a guy that did this and took it to Court as rape. Think it took 4 years to get seen and he got off (so I wouldn't recommend filing), but I wonder if your bloke has a history of this too? Any exes you know?

You haven’t consented, this is abuse. Get rid of him, he doesn’t view you as a person, only a body to be used. Make plans to leave but don’t tell him.

This isn’t a yellow flag, this is a huge red one.

He’s trying to have sex with your body whilst you’re asleep and not able to consent. That’s called rape.

Its showing no respect towards you and he’s treated you as just a vessel to pleasure himself with.

Yellow flag??!!!

It's a ginormos red one, and the exit is that way ▶️