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Original poster

Sex whilst asleep

136 replies

Isitjustmee · 27/03/2025 15:22

Hi,

First post on here so please be gentle.

I keep waking up in the middle of the night to my partner trying to have sex with me or giving me oral.

I’ve told them I don’t like being woken up like this and find it pretty weird. it then stops for a month or so and then slowly starts to happen again.

I usually continue with it once I’m awake as I enjoy it but I do find it a bit unsettling.

I live with my DP and we are due to get married next summer but this is a bit of a yellow flag for me if I’m being honest!

OP posts:
commonsense61 · 27/03/2025 16:04

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

thankyounextplease · 27/03/2025 16:05

more red flags than a Chinese election

HmmLikeAVillager · 27/03/2025 16:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

This! I had an ex who listed as a break up point "not waking him up with a BJ" which apparently was his favourite thing and I should have known this telepathically. You need to be super clear, if you have already been clear and shut her down once you realise what she is doing, you should see this as a pattern of behaviour and leave. If you get this woman pregnant she is with you for life one way or another.

Topsyturvy78 · 27/03/2025 16:05

Still not ok get her a vibrator.

EndlessTreadmill · 27/03/2025 16:08

PsychoHotSauce · 27/03/2025 15:45

I think she does it as she wants to get pregnant, we use condoms when sex is fully consensual but quite often i wake to find her on top of me with no condom on obviously.

Oh HELL no. Get the fuck out of there now.

This!! The red flag for me would be her disregarding your wishes about whether you are ready to have a child or not!!! Run!

PinkArt · 27/03/2025 16:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Would you say this if the OP was female? Oh love if you wake up and he's already raping you, it's your fault if you don't make it clear enough that you don't want to be raped???
The OP will have been half awake and isn't as informed as he could be around consent if he only classified this as yellow flag behavior. If he isn't sending the clearest of signals at that point, is it any surprise?

Bobnobob · 27/03/2025 16:10

Huge red flag. If you’ve said no and she keeps doing it then she’s assaulting you.

BunnyLake · 27/03/2025 16:10

It absolutely has to be agreed by you first. I have said in some relationships at the beginning when passions are high that if they want to they can but that has only been with my prior consent and stopped once I don’t want it anymore. I wouldn’t marry someone who didn’t respect that.

It makes no difference that you’re a he and your dp is a she. She’s not respecting your very clearly stated boundaries.

MissDoubleU · 27/03/2025 16:12

Isitjustmee · 27/03/2025 15:22

Hi,

First post on here so please be gentle.

I keep waking up in the middle of the night to my partner trying to have sex with me or giving me oral.

I’ve told them I don’t like being woken up like this and find it pretty weird. it then stops for a month or so and then slowly starts to happen again.

I usually continue with it once I’m awake as I enjoy it but I do find it a bit unsettling.

I live with my DP and we are due to get married next summer but this is a bit of a yellow flag for me if I’m being honest!

It is a red flag and also sexual assault. You told him not to do this and he still does it. You haven’t given him any green flag that this behaviour should continue.

I would leave him for this. How many more sexual boundaries is he going to push, and “No, I don’t like that”’s is he going to ignore?

I sent a man directly to jail for touching me in my sleep. Time to wake up, OP.

Imisscoffee2021 · 27/03/2025 16:12

Yellow flag??

You've told him you don't like it. He's doing it anyway. It's a kink of his, and so is doing it against your wishes by the sounds if it. There's another word for sexual actions against a person's wishes. Don't marry him.

Eddielizzard · 27/03/2025 16:12

Absolutely unacceptable. This would be a massive red flag for me

Member984815 · 27/03/2025 16:13

Its rape. A sleeping person can't consent

PleaseDontFingerMyPouffe · 27/03/2025 16:15

No3392 · 27/03/2025 15:26

This is rape.

Yes, it is.

PrettayGood · 27/03/2025 16:15

This is not ok if you both like it. If you have told him you don’t, he’s completely out of order.

DaisyChain505 · 27/03/2025 16:15

Isitjustmee · 27/03/2025 15:43

I'm sorry, I should have made it clearer, I'm a he and my partner is a she.

I don't think it makes any difference, its still non-consensual sex right?

I think she does it as she wants to get pregnant, we use condoms when sex is fully consensual but quite often i wake to find her on top of me with no condom on obviously.

It makes no difference in genders.

It’s not ok and she’s not respecting you as a partner.

Scout2016 · 27/03/2025 16:16

Not only have you not consented (because you are asleep) but when awake you have said you don’t like it and asked her not to.

Walker1178 · 27/03/2025 16:17

This is not ok OP, unless you consent he should not be doing this. How do you normally initiate sex? When you’re awake does she normally just dive right in? If she’s breaking boundaries now she’s only going to get worse

BIWI · 27/03/2025 16:17

PLEASE READ THE OP’S UPDATES! THE OP IS MALE, NOT FEMALE

BunnyLake · 27/03/2025 16:18

PrettayGood · 27/03/2025 16:15

This is not ok if you both like it. If you have told him you don’t, he’s completely out of order.

It is ok if you both like it. OP doesn’t and he has told his girlfriend to not do it. She’s not respecting his boundaries.

Nonsensesponsence · 27/03/2025 16:18

MattCauthon · 27/03/2025 15:45

No, it makes no difference except that it's not rape. It's still not okay. If you have said you don't like it, then she should not do it. And obviously if she's initiating condom-free sex without your consent, this is a huge issue.

This relationship has a lot of red flags. The sexual consent stuff, but also - why is she trying to force you to have a baby? If you don't want a baby, you don't have a baby. And it might be that therefore the relationship must end becuase she does and you don't.

rape is rape surely, whatever sex?

TwistedWonder · 27/03/2025 16:18

A yellow flag????? It’s a fucking enormous glow in the dark redder than the reddest thing in red land red flag - she is a sexually abusive predator. She’s a criminal who should be on the ex offenders register not sharing your bed

Edited as seen update

MummaMummaMumma · 27/03/2025 16:18

That's rape. You have not consented. Not only that, but you have spoken beforehand and told him you do not want him to do it again, he has done it anyway. Rape. Red flag!

Eyerollexpert · 27/03/2025 16:19

Run. I don't really want to believe that someone who is supposed to love you is totally disregarding your feelings and trying to manipulate things to get her own way. Hell what else would she be prepared to do???

BIWI · 27/03/2025 16:19

TwistedWonder · 27/03/2025 16:18

A yellow flag????? It’s a fucking enormous glow in the dark redder than the reddest thing in red land red flag - she is a sexually abusive predator. She’s a criminal who should be on the ex offenders register not sharing your bed

Edited as seen update

Edited

OP is a man

its2025 · 27/03/2025 16:20

Yellow Flag?
You've got a whole communist party conference waving their banners in your Bedroom!!
I'm sorry you've been subjected to this. Doesn't matter what gender you are whats happened to you is out of line and you really should be calling off the wedding next summer. .....

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